Just a minor change
by Wandererzaehler
Summary: "As long as I was here, I had the power to shape the story. It was a crazy idea, it was something that made me sound as mad as Morgana - that I might be the one in whose hands the fate of all Camelot rested... but well, it was true. Somehow. As long as I was alive and in this world, I could do what I thought best." Alternative episodes for Seasons 4/5, rated T just to be sure.
1. Prologue

_This is the prologue for my newest story, set during the ending of the fourth and the whole fifth season of Merlin. The prologue might seem a bit confusing, but believe me, this is intentional. It is also quite... lengthy, but the real chapters will get shorter and more exciting, I promise._

* * *

 **Prologue**

The council had finally given me a new assignment. After two years without orders, I had finally begun to really believe that my time as tale-changer was forever over. I had messed up, and they punished me by taking the second best thing that ever happened in my life away from me. I had been very close to the edge of giving up on me when the order reached me. I had lost the thing most precious to me, was forced to leave him behind, and now I had to re-start in a world that was not mine anymore- and then, finally, they sent me another necklace, another place to go to, a place to start over and do my work again.

But the letter that accompanied the necklace destroyed what little hope I could muster: This was a low-ranked change, a small detail that the council did not like about the whole of the story. It would take me only a few days to rewrite this chapter and then I would have to leave again.

Still, I should be more than thankful they decided to give me another chance. The letter hinted that they might even consider giving me bigger challenges again when I proved myself worthy, but it didn't say how many times I needed to do as they bid me.

When I saw where I was to go, I knew that I would not be able to decline. It was a place I dreamed of many times before, where I wished myself to be even before I knew that tale-changers really existed. For the first time in a really, really long while I caught myself grinning widely.

Camelot.

Wow.

I read the letter from the council again, memorizing every detail, and then burned it. It would be unfortunate if anyone would find it in this world. Knowing what it was like in Camelot, I was most likely going to be executed for being a witch if anyone found the letter on me. This had happened to me once before, a few years back, when I had just started to work for the council, and I remember every excruciating detail about it. Believe me when I say: There are more pleasant ways to die.

To be honest, I would prefer not to die at all. Not again, anyway.

There should not be that great danger of dying in the part of the story I was supposed to change. As I said, it was a low-ranking, minor detail. Nothing bad should happen.

As always, I spent one more night in my birth-world, sleeping in a real, warm bed, mentally getting ready for the task. The next morning I felt better than I had for months. I breakfasted thorough and then dressed in the clothes that had accompanied letter and necklace.

Bracing myself for the well-known unpleasant feeling of stepping into another reality, I took a deep breath and looked around in my room one more time. While I fastened the necklace around my neck, I thought how much I missed my bow. My last thought in the world I was born in, was of my lost love.

Then the necklace did... whatever it did (I never understood the basic physical principles of its science and preferred to call it "magic" instead) and I entered the realm of Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot, his faithful so-called servant Merlin, of famous Queen Guinevere, and of Morgana, the evil witch Arthur had yet to face one last time.

As soon as I landed in this world, crouching against a wall, fighting the nausea and the lightness in my head, I knew I was in trouble. Something went utterly, horribly wrong.

* * *

 _Being a tale-changer isn't as easy as it sounds. One would expect us to simply rush in at the moment we are needed, doing what will change the course of the story and then disappear again, without being of any real importance. One would expect us to be the nameless soldier that saves a King's life, by mere accident seemingly, while in the original storyline the king was supposed to die, and then get out without telling anyone about it and wait for the story to just go on._

 _But it's not as simple as that. It never is. There are various factors that can shape a story, even the smallest things can be of unbelievable importance for all that is to follow. Change one small thing and you can't be sure how in the end it will turn out. As soon as a tale-changer enters the storyboard, nothing will be as it was supposed to. Nothing will really happen as it was destined to be. You know all these things about destiny, right? Well, let me tell you: Destiny? Fate? This is all nonsense. I learned that from experience. It's simply crap._

 _And so is the job of a tale-changer. Because there are rules that we have to follow. The council tells us what to change, and we obey, without asking why, because if we do, we might disagree. Sometimes it's better not to know._

 _The changes themselves are in our hands, the council is powerless on it's own to alter anything because the members can't travel between the worlds. They need us because we can. We, meaning about thirty of tale-changers in this generation, have the physical and psychic abilities to survive being ripped out of one reality and thrown into another. We are the ones who do the work, without asking, and the council generously gives us the means to travel into other worlds, changing what they deem best._

 _I don't know where they come from, or who gave them authority. I never asked. Not before I refusedtheir orders in trying to be with the one I fell in love with._

 _This is yet another nasty thing about being able to move into a world you liked in TV series, movies or books: You know the characters so well, you know how their stories begin, you know how they end, you know secrets they never told anyone and, most importantly, you know about their hidden feelings and doubts. It is more than easy to fall in love with someone for a tale-changer, because besides the mere capability of moving into other dimensions, you also need some kind of bond to the place you want to go, or otherwise you will end up in the void, the empty space, the not-space as you might call it, and get stuck there. To change a story, you need to know it and cherish it as well as the characters in it. And when you go there, the mere characters become people, become reality. Just imagine it and you get an idea what people like me do._

 _As I said, it's not simple. So when we did what we were told, we're supposed to get out of the world as soon as possible, so that there is no risk of something, anything, to happen._

 _I didn't. Once. And this is why the council was reluctant to give me another assignment. They told me that I had got entangled in the story, that I was not fit for service, that I had proven disloyal and irresponsible. I was told to take a break, as long as they thought best, and was dismissed for the time being._

 _I had not really felt like loosing my job would be that bad. It was not important for me as much as it used to. Because I did not leave his world willingly. I was forced to do so by the dagger that pierced my heart. It wasn't the worst way to die, but my last memory of this world was his face, the expression in his eyes and that is what has tortured me ever since._

 _There are two ways for one of us to leave a dimension and return to our own world: By use of the necklace, or by getting killed. If we use the necklace, it is theoretically possible to return (even though the council would never allow us to do so). If we get killed, the bond connecting us to the dimension we are killed in will be torn apart, making a return impossible._

 _You see why I call it crap?_

 _I was stuck in my home-world, without anything to do, without a person to speak to, without anything I was needed to live for, lost in memories that were too painful to look at, for two whole years – well, you get the idea._

 _That's what being a tale-changer can be like. If anyone in a robe and with a funny necklace ever approaches you, think really hard before you join us. There are jobs that might be less painful. But being able to change a world, even in the smallest details, is also a really awesome thing. You get to live in a world, that should only exist in your fantasy. You can feel, smell, touch things you would never even have dreamed of, you meet people – yes, real, living, breathing, talking people – and it is in your hands to change their destinies or die trying._

 _It can be really terrible. It can be painful. If I had followed the rules, rules I always hated, I would not be in the situation I am in now. I guess there is a reason for their existence after all. But even though it brought me pain, this job was also what had enabled me to meet him in the first place. As every other existing job, it has a good side and a bad one._

* * *

I quickly discernedthat I was in the castle yard and that there were many people assembled, not bustling around as they would usually do. There were knights of Camelot in full armor on the stairs, together with the royal servants. My heart quickened as I saw the red cloaks with the dragon crest on them. How many times had I pictures myself to be seeing them in real? The knights looked just as I had hoped they would: Proud, stern-faced men.

But something was going on that I couldn't wholly see, standing so close to the wall as I did. Then I saw him. Arthur. Or rather, King Arthur, walking down the steps, cloaked, complete with the crown, looking every inch as impressive and awesome as I thought he would, followed by a lady in white, with a crown on her head, too, and a coat of fur. My breath caught in my throat. _No_ , I thought, _no, this is wrong. I'm not supposed to be here. This is the wr_ _o_ _ng time! This is the wrong story._

I knew the face of the lady, of course: It was Princess Mithian, on her way back home after Arthur broke off their brief engagement.

I could hear them talking, but I was too upset to understand much.

I already knew anyway that there would be no war over Gedref, as Arthur would renounce Camelot's claim on this land. I stared in disbelief. This was just wrong. I was not supposed to arrive here. Or in this time. Something must have gone wrong either with me or the necklace. Had I not thought about my destination when I was transporting...? No, if I was honest, I had not. I had thought about my bow. And about him. And here I was, just in time to hear Mithian say: "I would give up my own kingdom to be so loved."

I quickly withdraw back to the wall, trying to recover my composure. This should have been easy, in, change this small thing, get out again. But here I was, years to early for what I was supposed to do because I had not been thinking about my mission when I transported here.

The rules in this case were clear: Get the hell out of the story before you change anything, meet anyone, touch anything that might have something to do with the end of the story. But to get back to my own world would mean to be at the mercy of the council, again. This had been my last chance to prove myself worthy and I failed. It really was that easy, to be honest. I had failed. No matter what I did, from now on I was no tale-changer anymore.

Great. So much for "Nothing bad should happen".

Mithian mounted her horse and her knights followed her as she rode out of Camelot, looking back at Arthur one more time. The knights waited until she was out of sight, then they started moving again. Some of them went back into the castle, others were on their way to the upper town, presumably to The Rising Sun to get drinks.

I stayed beside the wall and tried to think. There was no way out of it: Either I went back home, lost what little faith the council had left in me, and started to get a life in the world I was born in, or I stayed here, in Camelot, doomed to keep away from people to prevent myself from changing anything of real importance, until I died or was killed. And this would bring me back to my own world anyway, and there I would be forced to...

I never had a chance to decide on my own. I hadn't paid attention to my surroundings, something a tale-changer should never do, and hadn't seen him approach me. Suddenly he stood right in front of me, with a worried expression I had come to know very well while watching the series on TV, and asked: "Are you alright? Can I help you with something?"

I shook my head, silently praying to all the many deities I had gotten used to in different dimensions for him to go away again and forget about me, but the young man stayed and, even worse, extending his hand toward me to help me up, saying: "My name is Merlin."

* * *

 _A/N: First, I have to thank_ _BookLoverDutch_ _for allowing me to use her term "tale-changer" for my own story. This would not be possible without your permission! Thanks!_

 _Sadly, I do not own anything, except my OC and the changes I'll make to the story._

 _The story will have 30 chapters + Pro- and Epilogue._

 _I'm not a native speaker - so I do hope you can forgive horrid things I do to this lovely language!_

 _I hope that you liked the prologue! Reviews are very welcome, as always,_ _and_ _I'd like to know what you're thinking._


	2. Sir William

**Chapter 1**

"Arise, Sir William, Knight of Camelot!" I got up and couldn't help but beam proudly while bowing before my king. The title would take some time to get used to. Never would I have dreamed of anything like this, I thought, while Arthur went to the next man.

As it was custom in Camelot, the most worthy young men were knighted shortly before the Feast of Beltane.

The thought of the feast had filled me with fear for the last months, but now at least I might be able to be close to Arthur on this day.

The cloak around my shoulders felt surprisingly heavy. So did the chain mail I was wearing, both constant reminders of my new status and also of the lie I was living now.

It was surprisingly easy for me to walk around like a noble's son, proud, sometimes ignorant, with firm steps and looking like all the world belonged to me, deepening my voice so I wouldn't sound too female. But after the five months I now had spent in Arthur's kingdom, I still had problems to breathe. The chain mail fitted me tightly, and it was not really easy to hide that I was not flat-chested like a man. I guess I can call myself lucky that I once had a friend who disguised as a man for quite some time. I used all the tricks she had shown to me, and up to now no one, not even Merlin, who had seen me with long hair and a dress before, had realized that something was strange about 'William'.

In my spare free time I did extra training or explored Camelot and its surroundings. I knew every corner in the castle (at least those that I was allowed to enter) and the woods around the city. When Helios and Morgana would attack Camelot, in about two weeks time, I would be ready.

The assembled people started to clap, a sign that Arthur had knighted the last man. We all turned around, looking at the crowd. I could see Merlin, grinning, looking at Arthur, who was standing beside us. I didn't need to turn my head to see how much the King liked moments like these, without doubting himself or thinking too intensely about Gwen.

Following the other knights, I left the hall to go to my new chamber. It was one of those farthest from the yard or the King's quarters, but it was my own, a place of refuge. I would be able to loosen the bandages around my chest when I was there, and stop acting more confident than I felt.

I reached the chamber. It really was small, smelling faintly of someone else and old mattress-stuffing, but I was alone. Closing and locking the door behind me, I took a deep breath. So many things had happened since I arrived here...

 _As soon as I touched Merlin's hand, I knew it was too late. I was in the middle of the story._

 _Whatever happened now fell in my responsibility. I was the tale-changer._

 _When I was standing again, I backed away from the warlock, turned and ran. I needed to get away from him as far as possible in the hope that he might forget my face._

 _While I passed the tavern, I realized it. I was not really a tale-changer anymore. As soon as I would get back home, the council would banish me or whatever they did to those who disobeyed them. But as long as I was here, I had the power to shape the story. It was a crazy idea, it was something that made me sound as mad as Morgana, that I might be the one in whose hands the fate of all Camelot rested, but well, it was true. Somehow. As long as I was alive and in this world, I could do what I thought best, not what the council had forced me to do._

 _I was a renegade, free to follow my own rules._

 _I reached the outer wall, avoided narrowly to run into people getting in from outside, and then I was on the street leading away from the citadel, on the fields, breathing in the fresh air, finally, after two years of solitude and confinement, I was free again._

 _I stopped at the forest edge, leaning against an oak tree, and tried to decide what to do next._

 _The more I thought about attempting to save Arthur Pendragon from being killed by Mordred in the end, the more impossible this task appeared to me. I thought of the attack that was not so far off. It would be great to watch Arthur pull Excalibur from the stone, calling "Long live the King" together with all the people gathered there. But these people had been the lucky ones who escaped the army that had taken Camelot._

 _Many people would die that day._

 _While I watched the sun set, I stared back at the City. The blood of these people would be on my hands._

 _The feeling of freedom faded and I was filled with something else. I realized that I was in a dangerous position: I might be able to stop Agravaine from using the siege tunnels and leading Morgana into the city. But if I did, I might change too much of the story. I might not be able to predict what would happen next. If I stopped the attack, Arthur would not reunite with Gwen, wouldn't meet Tristan and Isolde, would never get Excalibur and would continue to doubt himself as a king._

 _And there was no way of knowing what Morgana might do next. Maybe she would find a way to destroy Arthur without the help of Mordred. Maybe Arthur would die before he could rule with Gwen at his side, at least partly fulfilling his destiny._

 _I couldn't let that happen. I just couldn't._

I took off the cloak and unbuckledmy sword, throwing it on my bed, and walked over to the tiny window to look outside. I could only see the citadel's wall and a small part of the courtyard, which wasn't totally surprising. Well, at least I had a window which might just help to ward off the feeling of confinement.

Thinking about confinement, I noticed that the weather was fair and it was still pretty early. I was free for the rest of the day, so I decided to get out of the castle and take a stroll in the woods. I quickly changed from the chain mail to something more comfortable. Despite having locked the door of my chamber, I hurried to get my shirt back on. It wasn't hard to figure what might happen to me if anyone found out that I was a woman.

The decision I made that evening and night in the woods was one of the hardest I had to make in my whole life. It made me realize how much responsibility was on my shoulders now, because of my own doing. But in the end, I did choose. I decided that the people who would get killed in the attack were destined to die. The original storyline, destiny, whatever, wanted them dead, and I would not object to that.

But maybe I would be able to save someone, anyone, by being in the castle that day, just to numb the nagging feeling that this decision made me even worse than Morgana was.

But to help Merlin to save Arthur, this time and for all the times yet to come, I would need to be as close to him as I could. And there really was just one way to achieve that.

 _As a new recruit, every tale-changer has to undergo basic training in many different subjects, so I knew what to do with a sword. I never really used this skill before I stayed in his world, but there I became quite good at it. Not because I was talented or anything, but because the weapon in my hand was the only thing protecting me from the weapons in other peoples' hands._

 _You learn fast when you don't have a choice._

 _After what had happened to Lancelot, I decided against trying to get a seal of nobility and showing it directly to Arthur. I did visit a counterfeiter and gave him almost all of the money the council had provided me with, after I heard about a tournament being held in Nemeth and I entered it as a contestant._

 _By sheer luck did I manage not only to prevent myself from being killed, but also to get the fourth place. I don't know how exactly I accomplished to impress the Princess Mithian, but she provided me with a personal letter for Arthur when I told her about my wish to become a knight in Camelot._

 _Maybe it had to do with a tale-changer's luck, or with me flirting with her (after all, I was supposed to be a dashing noble's son and courting someone was not that uncommon), but in the end, it worked out better than I expected or even dared to hope for._

 _Mithian praised my abilities more highly than she should have, but Arthur gave me a chance to prove my skills on the Princess's behalf and in the end decided to let me stay and train in Camelot._

 _When he announced the young men that were to be knighted before Beltane, I was one of them, barely believing how much luck I really had._

I met them in the hallway on my way out: Gwaine, Percival and Leon. No sign of Elyan, but he couldn't be far off: They really were almost inseparable.

It looked like Gwaine was laughing about something Percival had said. Judging by the way Leon looked at the giant knight, the joke had been about him, but after a few seconds even his sour expression softened and he grinned.

Even after seeing them almost every day from afar, it felt weird to meet them. In the masses of knights that apparently served in Camelot, I would have imagined not to notice them this much, but even after I got to know some names of senior knights or soon-to-be knights, this group was special.

They were, after all, Arthur's most trusted and highly respected by all the other knights.

They walked past me without acknowledging my presence.

I knew I should be happy that at least these people were not affected by my presence, but seeing them together only reminded me that I was alone.

Before I could get really downcast, I remembered myself why I preferred to be on my own and why I needed so stay away from people as much as I could.

I had, after all, a mission that couldn't be jeopardized by someone learning my secret or, even more dangerous, by being overwhelmed by my own emotions again.

 _A/N: The feast of Beltane is in two weeks already, not much time to get comfy in a new chamber for "Sir William"! And I'm not sure how long his changer's-luck is going to last..._

 _I promise more action and the first real changes in the next chapter, this one is just to help getting settled in Camelot._

 _Please tell me if you noticed anything amiss or strange and tell me what you think about this one!_


	3. The Feast of Beltane

**Chapter 2**

I slept late at the day the feast of Beltane was scheduled, but so did most of the knights, too. I felt sick, thinking about the next days. While everywhere else in the castle servants were bustling and the knights were getting ready, while everyone was excited about the feast, I made my very own preparations. I made sure my blade was sharp, my chain mail in it's best conditions and ate, even though I did not feel like eating in the least. While I was thinking about packing provisions and hiding them somewhere, someone knocked on my door. The unusual sound startled me, but I guessed it would be someone with orders for the day.

"Come in", I answered hesitantly. The door opened, and Sir Leon entered. He looked at me, again without really seeing me, and gestured to my sword.

"I want you in the lower town tonight", he said. "Get ready, the change of guard is in half an hour."  
He left without waiting for an answer, clearly annoyed that he would not be at the feast.

I stared at the door in disbelief. The one place I hadn't wanted to be today certainly was the lower town, the first place that would fall to the Southron army. Still, I was now a knight of Camelot and to defend the city was kind of in the job description. And being in the lower town would result in being able to get out of Camelot and into the woods, where, hopefully, Merlin would find us, so long as the story was not messed up by some major change tonight.

While I reached for my sword, I prayed to all the gods and goddesses I knew to keep an eye on this city today. We would need all the help we could get.

It was already dark when I left the citadel for the guards' place in the lower town. A cold shiver went down my spine. Even the air felt strange, thicker than usual, like a foreboding of evil and not even my billowing cloak could keep away the feeling of fear.

It was may, the beginning of summer, but the weather did not seem to care, I could see a mist hanging over the lower city.

It took me a few more steps to realize that this was not mist and that a tinge of something burning was in the air. Even though I had known something like this was going to happen tonight, I had not noticed it's beginning.

The Southrons were already in the city. The attack on Camelot had started.

I drew my sword before I turned the last corner.

Houses were ablaze, knights with buckets full of water were running around, trying to extinguish the flames and to stop civilians from running back into their homes to save their belongings. I saw Elyan and Leon and hurried to get over to them. "The Southrons!", I heard myself screaming, "they are here!"

Leon turned around and momentary confusion crossed his face, but when he turned again, he too could see the enemies coming at us. Both he and Elyan drew their swords. Seconds before the yelling and sword brandishing Southrons were upon us, the knight turned around again: "You!", he pointed at me, "sound the alarm! Quick!"

I reacted without really noticing it, running back along the street before I knew what I was doing. The sight of the attacking men had frightened me beyond imagination, taking me back to all the days I had wanted to forget about in worlds I could get no longer into, where I had been killed by attackers just like these.

It was a good thing that my instincts took control over my body, because if they hadn't, I might not have ducked fast enough when I heard a strange, swishing sound behind me. The crossbow arrow narrowly shot over my head and into a door frame instead. I didn't turn back but started zigzagging instead, hoping to avoid anyone taking aim at me again and to shake off any pursuers by speeding up.

There were no more accidents on my way to the citadel, but I only slowed down when I reached the entrance to the bell tower, leading out of one of the main hallways of the castle. I called out to the knight at the top of the narrow, winding staircase, but got no answer. Behind me I could hear firm steps of more than just one person, so I started to go up the stairs myself. Something clearly felt wrong.

I watched my step: Falling down the stairs now without the bells ringing and people knowing something was wrong might prove fatal for all of us.

Finally, I reached the bell and saw instantly that I was right. Someone had killed the knight who was supposed to ring the bell in case of emergency. It was not hard to guess who might have done this.

I had heard the bell in the series so many times before, but hearing it in reality was a lot different. Louder, for one, because I was standing right next to it while ringing the alarm. Maybe, I thought, I should have protected my ears or something like this, but by now it was too late to do anything against it.

I decided to stop striking the bell after a while, because everyone should have heard it now, and to go back down and look where I could be of help.

I reached the hallway, turned right and came to a dead stop. Agravaine was standing in the corridor, giving me one of those smiles that never really reached his eyes. Behind him a group of Southerners was gathered. I had a bad feeling of déjà vu and something suddenly told me that I was not supposed to be here.

"I'm not being funny or anything", I said, the familiar sentence just popping out of my mouth, "but I believe you might be in the wrong hallway."

I grasped the hilt of my sword and Agravaine mimicked my move, but a voice from behind the soldiers, cold and commanding, stopped him: "We don't have time for this, Agravaine."

The soldiers parted and Morgana, looking even more evil as I had ever imagined, stepped to the side of the King's uncle.

"You're right", she said in my direction, "you're not funny. Not at all."

Then her eyes flashed, and I had a strange sensation of flying, before everything went black.

.

 _ **A/N:** I'm not sure, but I believe we never really saw the bell, did we? I just decided to put it in one of the towers of the castle and hope you don't mind or object to that idea._

 _So, what do you think? How is Elyan being in the lower town and William meeting Morgana affecting the story line? I guess we will have to see how this is going to work out!_

 _I hope you enjoyed reading and stay with me for the next chapter! By the way, leaving a review does not take long and I really like them, so go for it!_


	4. One of the New Knights

**Chapter 3**

The first thing I noticed was the smell of something rotten and old, reminding me of a dog gone wet, laying near a heater. When I moved, I became aware of a terrible headache and an unexpected weariness in my body. I tried to remember what had happened.

The warning bell tolling, Agravaine. And Morgana.

My eyes snapped open. Somehow I expected to see the witch's face close to me, but I looked straight at a brick wall. Even before I turned around, painfully, I knew where I was. I was in Camelot's dungeon. I cursed under my breath, because the situation I was in became ever more serious. Almost everything I had planned over the last few months had been to prevent this, me, in a cell, unable to do anything, to help Merlin and Arthur along.

"You're awake", a too familiar voice said.

By the wall opposite of me, sitting on the ground instead of a prison bed like me, was Sir Gwaine, grinning widely despite of the circumstances. I looked around, expecting to see Gaius, who was, if I remembered correctly, supposed to be in the same cell as Gwaine, but there was no one else but me and the knight.

"I don't believe this", I whispered and buried my face in my hands. While doing so, I noticed that my chain mail had been removed and I was only wearing the shirt. I held my breath and looked over to Gwaine, who eyed me seriously and said: "Me neither!"

I carefully stood up. The familiar tight feeling around my chest calmed me: The bandages around me breasts seemed to be still in place.

Gwaine looked like he wanted to say something else, but was prevented to do so by the sound of steps coming nearer. He gestured to the prison-bed with a worried expression on his face. I nodded, guessing what he wanted me to do, and laid back down, face to the wall as before, eyes closed and heart racing. Chains clattered as the knight went over to the prison door.

"Sir Gwaine", Morgana said mockingly, "such a handsome knight. So strong and tall. And still no one to talk to, really. All on your own.", she said.

I actually felt her looking at me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I tried to lay as still as I could, trying not to breathe faster while the sensation lasted. Gwaine must have had a reason for wanting me to appear unconscious, and I had seen enough of Morgana for one day.

"I'm used to be on my own", the knight answered, his hoarse voice betraying him.

"I don't think so", the self-proclaimed queen whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear.

I heard the door open and risked a quick glance. Gwaine, looking back at me for a few seconds while a Southroner loosened the chains around his ankles, shook his head, a tiny movement I hoped Morgana had not noticed. But the witch was already on her way back to the stairs.

The Southroner dragged the knight out of the cell and followed close behind.

I wished I could have asked Gwaine to be careful, but I had not had the chance.

While yet another man locked the door of the cell again, I closed my eyes once more, trying to think, but my head continued to throb, my whole body felt like one big bruise, and I couldn't shake a feeling of uneasiness that had nothing to do with me being in a cell or the possibility of something being wrong with the king and his man-servant, but with Gwaine being dragged out of the cell.

All on his own, just as Morgana had said.

.:. .:. .:.

When I woke up again, I really wasn't sure if I had slept or slipped into unconsciousness again. The throbbing in my head had weakened, but my body still hurt all over.

I slowly turned round, hoping to see Gwaine, but the cell was empty except for me. The only real change was that no more light came through the barred window high up in the wall and the only lighting came from the torches outside of the cell.

I sat up, leaning my back against the wall, and stared at the empty space which Gwaine had occupied before, absentmindedly searching for my necklace.

It wasn't there anymore.

.:. .:. .:.

I felt like a long time had passed when I heard noise from outside the cell again, but it might just have been a span of a few minutes. The door opened, and Gwaine was thrown inside. He stumbled and fell to the ground while the Southroner locked us in again. I knelt down beside the knight, worried that he might be hurt, but he sat up on his own accord and shot the wickedly grinning man outside an angry look.

"Are you alright?", I asked as soon as I thought the Southroner to be out of earshot.

"Why wouldn't I be?", Gwaine asked, smirking, but he looked tired and there was blood on his face from a deep cut on his left cheek. It would surely leave a mark, and I distantly wondered if I had seen it on screen or if this, too, was a change that had happened because my presence corrupted the storyline.

I ripped a small piece of my shirt off and gave it to him, gesturing to his face. He dappled at the wound with a blank expression, but I was sure it was hurting, if only because he was not too gentle in doing so.

"What happened?", I asked after a while of uncomfortable silence.

"Morgana wanted to have some entertainment", the knight said and shrugged. "Now she has two soldiers less to command."

"Doesn't make a difference, does it?", I asked without looking at him. In the half-light of the torches, with an almost total stranger beside me and at least a week of hunger ahead of me, given that Arthur would come to take back Camelot, it was hard not to feel depressed.

"You're one of the new knights, right? What was your name again?", Gwaine asked and stopped trying to wipe away the blood on his face.

"William", I said, sounding every bit as small and frightened as I felt. I had been in dungeons before, but I always had my necklace to get out before anything really dangerous happened. But they had taken it away from me. And it wasn't me who should be in a cell with Gwaine. Gaius and Elyan should be here, it was all...

"Listen, Will", Gwaine said suddenly, laying a hand on my shoulder, "Arthur has escaped from Camelot, but he will come back here, I'm sure of it. He would never leave his people like this. He is a good king."

Of course Arthur would come. And if he didn't want to, Merlin would convince him to. I closed my eyes for a few moments, took a deep breath and then nodded.

Gwaine stood up and walked over to the almost-bed and sat down, adding: "But I hope he comes soon. I could do with a drink."

.:. .:. .:.

 _ **A/N:** Dialogue! Finally! And a short chapter again. But short chapters mean I'm able to upload faster, guess that's a good thing._

 _The next one will be from another person's point of view, though. I bet you won't be able to guess who it will be!_

 _Is there a word I could use instead of "prison bed"? There has to be one, but my dictionary won't tell me. I couldn't find one I was content with (and I read every single article available on Wikipedia concerning beds...)_

 _By the way, if you noticed any mistakes, please let me know. I'm not a native speaker (guess you noticed that already by me not finding words) and it would be of great help if you would point out what I did wrong!_


	5. Petrified

_**A/N:** Me again! I know I said I would change the point of view, but while I wrote the chapter, it felt like it was somehow... Wrong to publish it already. _

_After discussing quite a bit of the overall plot and plans I have concerning my dear tale-changer with my cousin (who is a surprisingly good adviser for fan fictions about a series she hasn't watched), I decided to do it differently._

 _So, for the next chapter (at least...) we will stay with William and Gwaine and go back to the change of view when it fits better into the storyline. I hope you're not disappointed and enjoy it nonetheless!_

 _Everything will be explained at some point, I promise._

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

I followed Gwaine to the cot and sat down, asking a question that had been nagging on me: "How long was I out?" _  
_

"A few hours, I guess. You were in here before me."

"Where did they capture you?"

"In the armory. They took the weapons, too, I had no time to secure them. Not that they would help anyone now. I guess the other knights are either dead or taken prisoner, like we are. It is a good thing Merlin could persuade Arthur to leave Camelot."

Gwaine's voice betrayed his too calm face. It was fairly obvious that he was thinking of his friends and worried about their well being.

"Before they took me, I was in the lower town with Sir Leon and Sir Elyan", I told him, "It was apparent even then that the Southrons were outnumbering us, I believe they could have retreated and fled to the forest. It would have been the only sensible thing to do, I guess."

Gwaine snorted, murmuring: "Good thing Elyan was not alone, then" and asked, "So how did they get you?"

"Leon sent me to sound the bell. On my way back I happened to meet Agravaine, Morgana and a bunch of soldiers. Wasn't exciting at all, even though they weren't very polite, I must say."

* * *

Neither one of us said something for quite a while. When I risked a glance to the side, I saw that Gwaine had leaned back, his head resting against the brick wall, his eyes closed. I was wondering if he might have fallen asleep. He had, after all, killed two men, less than an hour ago.

The cut on his cheek had stopped bleeding. The knight should have looked fearsome, with blood all over his face and part of his shirt, too, but somehow he didn't.

I remembered something my mentor had explained to me very early after I began my training to become a tale-changer. He showed me a picture of a tapestry on a loom, woven by the fates of ancient Greek mythology: _"Whenever we step into another dimension, we disrupt and reweave the threads binding together the stories in this world. Even if we want to prevent change, small things will happen that were not supposed to be. We become a thread in the tapestry ourselves, but we have the wrong color and are not of the same material as the rest_ _are_ _._ _This is why it is so important that we do not stay longer than necessary..."_

The wound on Gwaine's face would be a constant reminder of one of the 'small things' that were already changing because of my presence.

Tearing my gaze away from the knight I tried to stop thinking about these things. None of this was helping.

* * *

When I woke up, the torch outside was almost gone out and I could barely see, but it was enough to realize that I was alone. Gwaine was gone and I hadn't noticed anything. Maybe Morgana wanted another fight, but it might as well be that she got him killed because he smiled too much or was not as submissive as she wanted him to be, and I had slept through it all.

Apart from my breathing, the only thing I could hear was the Southroners standing guard talking, but not loud enough to understand anything. There had to be other prisoners in the dungeons, but there was no sound coming from the other cells.

I tried to imagine where Merlin and Arthur would be now, but this only got me worrying if they got away from Camelot at all.

Like this wasn't bad enough yet, I became aware of my hunger and thirst, making everything appear even worse.

I started to count the seconds that went by, just to get an idea how much time had passed, trying not to think of anything but to focus on this one thing I could do. When I reached 4013, I heard steps coming nearer and a strange, almost shuffling noise.

The door of the cell was opened and someone was thrown in. But it was not Gwaine, as I had suspected, but someone else entirely.

"Gaius!" I knelt down by the physician's side and helped him to sit up. Something about him was more than just odd. He stared at nothing, his expression blank, and seemed wholly without will of his own, like he was petrified. I moved my hand in front of his eyes, but there was no reaction at all.

A terrible idea came to my mind. Elyan had been in the lower town with Leon when the Southroners attacked, so he had probably fled to the forest. And Gwaine was captured in the armory, so no one would have stopped Merlin to beg for Gaius to accompany him and Arthur. So maybe...

"Nathair", I whispered, a cold shiver running down my spine.

Gaius kept staring straight onwards, resembling a statue, without blinking or moving.

 _Torture to the limit of human endurance_ , Gaius had phrased it. Or would have phrased it, if not for me being here.

What was I supposed to do now? I was not a physician, I knew only little about healing, and this only included wounds caused by weapons, not treating injuries that marred the soul. And I never really had a clue how the Nathair worked, anyway.

But there was at least one thing I could do.

"Come on, Gaius", I said, trying to get him up, off of the ground and onto the cot. It took me some time, but in the end, he was laying down there, staring at the ceiling. Now I was back to guessing what was to be done next.

While I was going through some ideas, none of them very appealing, there was again commotion in the hallway.

Gwaine was back, finally, and he seemed unhurt.

He held up a beaker and a small piece of bread with a more than slightly burned crust: "Look what I've got! She now pays me for killing her soldiers!"

The grin on his face died when he noticed Gaius: "What happened to him?", he asked, handing me both drink and food, and bent over the court physician with a worried expression.

"They tortured him. Maybe he knew where Merlin and Arthur were heading", I said.

Looking at Gwaine, I remembered yet another reason why I hated the Nathair.


	6. Which Words Would Hurt The Most

_**A/N:** Now this one is really short, but I guess we all want to get out of these dungeons as fast as possible, so this will be the next-to-last one in the cell, promise. They are far too depressing and oppressive. _

**Chapter 5**

Gwaine hadn't said a word for days. It was the most significant sign that the situation was serious. Seeing the knight sitting across from me, leaning against the bars of the door and staring dead ahead was the most horrible thing I had seen so far.

The attacking Southrons were terrifying, but Gwaine, who would normally joke in the most horrid circumstances, as quiet as this made it hard for me to believe in a rescue.

He himself had told me Arthur would come back. He was so certain of it then. But Gaius' sudden appearance and his obvious illness seemed to have shaken even his faith.

The physician's condition had not changed. Three more days had gone by in which he had only moved very little, hadn't said anything and had only drunken what I was able to pour down his throat. Most of the time he continued to just stare at the ceiling.

In the beginning, before he himself stopped talking, Gwaine had tried to speak with Gaius, but without avail, and after a while he had simply stopped.

The minutes crawled by unbelievably slowly.

I sat beneath the small, barred window, desperately trying not to think of the outside. But the more I tried, the more I yearned for the warm summer sun and wind on my face.

Sometimes I nodded off, just to wake to the faintest noise and then I would be overcome by the realization where I was, feeling ever more hopeless.

I felt like I needed to cry, but I couldn't. There were no tears left, even though I had shed none, because of the lack of water in my system.

The guards would come by at irregular times to laugh and gloat at us. Sometimes they would come and eat their lunch in front of the cell, throwing the uneatable remains at us to see if we were broken yet and would try to eat them. They thought it hilarious, of course.

They gave us water, at Morgana's command, but only barely enough to keep us from dying of thirst.

Morgana herself came by once every day, walking from cell to cell, always stopping longest at ours.

She knew exactly which words would hurt the most.

When she came by the first day, shortly after Gwaine had returned from his fight, she told us that now she knew where Arthur and Merlin were headed and that she would get them, for sure. Neither one of us said anything to this, but when I looked at Gaius, I could see that he was crying.

On the second day she talked about the knights she had executed for not swearing their allegiance to her, not telling us names, but giving Gwaine a significant, small, unbelievably cruel smile. This was the only time the knight did say something, very quietly, but there were no feelings conveyed in his voice and the threat was empty: "Go to hell, Morgana."

For a second, Morgana looked shaken, but then she just smiled once more and left without another word.

On the third day, she ponderedif by now Agravaine had captured the king and how long it would take them to return to Camelot.

When Morgana came by on the evening of the sixth day of our imprisonment, she took a weak and stumbling Gwaine with her. I had an excruciatingly strong feeling I could not shake that this time he would not get back.

When the steps of the guards had fainted in the distance, I felt even more alone than before, wishing I had gone back to my own world while I still had the chance. I would get pulled back there when I died from lack of food, but this would take a lot more time yet.

You don't starve as easily as people in movies want you to believe. A body clings to life as long as it is possible, even when there is only the slightest bit of hope. But with every second that I was imprisoned, my hope got smaller.

The guards returned, faster than ever before. From the moment I heard their steps, I knew something was wrong. The door was opened, and Gwaine was flunginside, landing face-down just beside me. I turned him around carefully, when I noticed that he got not up on his own, and gasped at what I saw: The whole front of his shirt was drained in blood and the knight's face was ashen-pale, his breathing shallow and strained.

I almost passed out there and then.

Yes, I had seen blood before and I had tended wounds, even bad ones, but I had never been alone and always had the right instruments. But in this cell, I was absolutely helpless.

While I stared at the knight like I was petrified, not able to look away or do something, anything, to help him, I heard someone move. In the next moment, Gaius knelt down beside me. To this day I have no idea how he managed to gather enough strength to shake off the grip of the Nathair on him, but the physician did it.

His fingers shaking badly, he laid one hand on my shoulder and said with a surprisingly steady, though hoarse voice: "If you think you can handle this, stay here. I could use your help. If you don't, you'd better get out of my way."


	7. Up the Stairs

**Chapter 6**

The first thing Gaius did was to rip open Gwaine's shirt, so he could have a look at the knight's wound. The cut went from his left shoulder to his right side, about the height of his navel and still there was so much blood literally pouring out of it.

Gaius expertly searched the wound to estimate how bad Gwaine was hurt. When he finished, he seemed relieved: "It's not as deep as I thought", he explained, "and there is no internal damage done. Not that I can see, anyway. Looks like his ribcage took most force out of the swing, stopping the blade from doing any further damage. I assume that Gwaine tried dodging the attack, but wasn't fast enough. But we will need to staunch the bleeding immediately."

When I kept staring at the wound, murmuring: "We need to do do more than this!", the physician turned around to me and gave me a serious look: "The only thing we _can_ do right now is to stop the bleeding and hope that we will get rescued before he dies of blood loss or infection."

I nodded, took a deep breath with my eyes closed and tried to calm down.

"I wish we had anything clean to use on the wound, to prevent it from getting infected", the physician sighed, while he started to rip the part of the knight's shirt not drenched in blood into makeshift bandages.

It took me only a heartbeat to react: "I have something clean. Well, at least it has not been in direct contact with the floor or the wet straw. It should be cleaner than anything else here."

The physician looked me up and down, clearly at a loss. I took another deep breath and pulled off my shirt. His eyes widened and for a second, it looked like he wanted to say something, but then he switched back into professionalism and simply nodded, while I took off the bandages and handed them over.

* * *

I'm not sure how Gaius and I managed to get Gwaine onto the cot. Lifting someone unconscious is harder than it looks, and even the slimknight was still heavy, especially for two people who hadn't eaten or drunken properly in the last week.

After we finished tending to Gwaine, the physician said: "If we ever get out of here, I would like an explanation."

"Seems only fair", I answered and retreated back to the wall underneath the window.

* * *

Light fell through the barred window above my head. I must have slept for hours, deeper than ever since they imprisoned me, but not because I wanted to, but because I was exhausted. Even now that I was awake again, I was still tired and felt like I would never get warm again.

I kept glancing to Gaius, leaning against the wall left to me, seemingly asleep, and tried to calm myself down by trying not to think about what he now knew.

It was the dawning of the seventh day since the King escaped. In the original storyline this was the day Arthur took back the Citadel. Surely by tonight we would be free again, sleeping in our own beds, after a good meal and a bathtub and drinking water until we were full.

I imagined how we would celebrate our rescue: Gwaine would laugh and joke around, drinking more than he ought, Merlin and Arthur would banter about the smallest things, Percival would watch them and smile silently, Elyan would laugh openly and Leon would try to keep some sort of order, while simultaneously drinking as much as Gwaine. I pictured myself on the other end of the table, secretly observing them while appearing to enjoy my solitude on the outside, breathing in the life in the castle once more, feeling safe for the moment, listening to the laughter and bustling around me...

But the only thing I could hear now was the labored breathing of a severely wounded knight.

* * *

A few more anxious hours passed by and the dusk was getting nearer, when Gaius, who checked on Gwaine every few minutes, exclaimed: "He's running a fever."

"Is the wound infected?"

Gaius took some time before he shook his head: "The effect would not show that soon. I much rather think that his body is too weak to deal with the blood loss." He laid a hand on Gwaine's brow and shook his head worriedly. "If only I had my things here..."

The physician sat down again, looking older than ever before and buried his face in his hands. Somehow I was sure that he thought about Merlin's powers which would be of great use here.

Like she knew how desperate our situation would be now, Morgana suddenly appeared at the other side of the bars. When she saw Gaius' desperation, she simply started to laugh and wouldn't stop for quite some time.

It was a blood-curdling sound that made me sick.

I felt like I really needed to hit the witch in her face for laughing at people who were dying or standing by someone who might be on the brinkofdeathand, though knowing exactly what would cure them, not being able to help.

I got up on my feet, my anger giving me strength that I had not felt in me for a long, long time, and was at the bars so quickly that I took her entirely by surprise. I managed to catch her by her dress and pulled her close, but I was too furious to say anything and just stared at her, shaking with rage. Not being able to say anything made me even more angry.

She broke away after some struggling, but at least she had stopped laughing. Her face, on the other hand, seemed even more cruel than before. She looked at me, at Gaius, at Gwaine, and said: "Well, if you want to get help for handsome over there, you will have to work for it..."

Before I knew what was going on, I was out of the cell and on my way up the stairs.

* * *

I'd really like to tell you how I only thought about helping Gwaine and not once about myself, but this would be a lie.

Of course I was thinking about the fights I had seen Gwaine do, how my skills were not in the least comparable to his, and that it was now more likely than ever that I was going to die, again without doing what I set out to do.

When we reached the hall where we had been feasting only a few days before, I made a decision which, at this moment, felt like the last one I might ever make:

 _If I get out of this in one piece, I will do everything I can to keep Arthur Pendragon alive, him as well as his knights and Merlin. I will bring down Morgana. I will stop Mordred whatever it takes, and I will help to built the Albion that was promised to us._

 _Screw the council._

 _Screw all the rules._

 _I'm here, right now, and I will fight with all my heart for_ \- _f_ _or the love of Camelot._


	8. Isolde

**Chapter 7**

Many soldiers clothed in black were gathered in the hall when they pushed me in. Most of them were laughing at me.

I was trying to act like I could barely stand on my feet (not too far from the truth, really). I even limped a bit, just to make them think I was an easy target.

Morgana, who had been walking in the front, turned around: "I will give you a chance to save your handsome friend", she said sneering, "if you stay alive long enough." She herself loosened the chains around my handsand gave me another grin.

"I will", I whispered to her and when she just raised her right eyebrow in answer and tilted her head to the side, I added, "and one day you will regret that you ever met me."

While I chided myself for this not too imaginative threat, she laughed and took a step back, gesturing to two men standing beside her. Both of them had swords as well as big, black shields, were almost a head taller than me, and grim-faced. Neither one of them seemed like the types who would underestimate a knight of Camelot, so I dropped the façade and looked around for anything I could use as a weapon, but the other Southrons stood around us like a wall, cheering and whooping for their fighters.

While I was busy searching for a weapon, one of them had come closer, while the other warily circled me, clearly holding back. Maybe he waited for a signal from Morgana, who had stepped back between her soldiers, crossed her arms in front of her and smiled widely with far too much teeth showing.

The first man, who had a big scar running down the left side of his face, charged. I made a quick step to the side and he missed me, barely. He turned around fast and attacked me again, but not fast enough for me not to notice that he was missing his left ear, maybe due to the attack that had scarred his face. I mentally noted this down as a possible advantage, jumping back only the blink of an eye later to again narrowly avoid being stabbed.

The situation was bad enough for me without a weapon and nothing to defend myself, but Morgana took no chances. She motioned to the second fighter and he also came at me, fast as lightning. If he hadn't started yelling, I might not have seen him charging soon enough, but so I sidestepped again.

Even after these few hasty moments and though adrenalin was circulating in every cell of my body, I noticed how weak my movements had become in the last week with barely anything to eat or drink.

Breathing hard, I dodged another attack by Scarface, but missed to see the other Southron coming from behind. He slammed into me with his shield and full body-weight, causing me to fall down to the ground with all the air knocked from my lungs. Gasping to regain my breath, I turned around.

The soldier stood over me, his sword raised to finish me off, with a snarling **S** carface behind him, looking like he was really pissed off the other guy had stolen his prize.

I heard Morgana say: "Behold! A mighty knight of Camelot!" and the crowd howled with laughter in answer.

It felt like time slowed down while I waited for the sword to come down, thinking about a million things at once. But the predominant thought was: _After all, h_ _e didn't come._

Not caring about being a knight of Camelot, I closed my eyes and waited for the pain.

* * *

Instead of searing pain and the feeling of being ripped out of existence in this universe, I heard people yelling and the crowd around me moving. A heavy person tripped over me and fell down on me, again leaving me breathless.

My eyes snapped open.

The hall had sunken into total chaos, but I could see people in chain mail and red cloaks attacking the black-clad Southrons. The attack on the Citadel was well underway, finally. And for me, not a second too soon.

The guy on top of me stumbled back up and knocked my head against the stone floor in the process. For a few moments, I saw black spots everywhere, balancing on the edge of falling into unconsciousness, but I managed to stay awake and to stumble back up, which was a good thing. Laying around on the floor when a battle is going on never is a good idea.

A few paces to my right, a fallen Southron lay, his sword still in his hand. I hurried over and took it from him, barely registering that it was Scarface. Clutching the sword, I headed for the melee, keeping an eye out for Morgana as well as for Merlin and Arthur, but to no avail.

Who I did see, though, were Tristan and Isolde, fighting side by side. While I mused that at least this part of the story had not changed, a Southron attacked me and for the next minutes, I was so engaged in battle that everything except staying alive became absolutely meaningless.

* * *

It felt like we fought for hours, but I'm sure that it were mere minutes in reality. The last Southron fell and I sagged against the nearest wall. My head hurt and my knees trembled from exhaustion and because the adrenaline dispersed rapidly.

Trying to regain my breath (again...), I looked around. The Southrons who had whooped at the possibility of my death a few minutes before, were now dead themselves. If I hadn't seen that there were people with red cloaks on the floor, too, I might have rejoiced at this. I guess a maybe not so small, cruel part of me did so, anyway.

From the hallway I could still hear the sound of metal on metal, but as most knights had already rushed outside to help, I stayed behind. Somehow I was sure that I would not be able to lift my sword again any time soon.

Then I heard someone sobbing quietly to my right side. Turning, I saw Isolde, bending over the body of a motionless man with a pale face and closed eyes. It was Tristan.

Something in me went ice cold at the sight, because her position reminded me of something I'd rather forget. While I stared at her, frozen to the spot, the fighting in the hallway ceased and I heard someone entering.

When I looked up, I was not surprised at the sight of Merlin and the King, accompanied by Guinevere and Sir Leon. They all stopped dead at the door when they noticed the crying.

"Isolde?", Arthur asked, his voice sounding hoarse and tired.

The woman lifted her tear-streaked face, tried to say something, couldn't, and finally shook her head in answer. She clutched Tristan's limp hand close to her and continued to sob quietly. Arthur and Gwen exchanged a glance I was sure said more than a thousand words could, and Guinevere walked over to Isolde to pull her into a close embrace.

I felt tears rising to my own eyes while I watched them, but remembered just in time that I was supposed to be a knight and, this was even more important, did not want to get too close to anybody important today, so I tried to sneak out of the hall.

I fought nausea down, trying to walk in a straight line, but suddenly felt really dizzy and tired and Isolde's face kept reappearing before my mind's eye, making it hard to keep walking and not just-

"Are you hurt?", a calm voice beside me said. I jumped when I realized who had asked the questions, then tried to appear perfectly calm and alright and shook my head, maybe not the smartest idea, for I swayed and almost fell down. Merlin kept me from falling and helped me to the wall, where he talked me into sitting down.

"I haven't seen Gaius either", he said, seemingly responding to something the king said that I hadn't heard.

"He is in the dungeons", I whispered, fighting against being sick.

I tried not to feel bad when all of them, except Gwen, who stayed with Isolde, dashed away, leaving me alone, leaning against the wall, black spots again before my eyes, getting bigger every second.

Even while I blacked out, I could still hear Isolde's bitter crying.

 _ **A/N:** And once again I'm balancing on the edge of William becoming far too much Mary Sue-ish... But honestly, in her position, I would have passed out a long time ago. Or died without chocolate and coffee... Anyway, I hope you liked this!_

 _Thanks again for your kind reviews, favs and follows! I appreciate it!_


	9. Bad Luck

_**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait! A lot had had to be done this week (first week of a new semester, yay...), but I can't really promise that it will get better in the course of the next few months..._

 _I had an idea where this chapter should go, but in the end, I got to somewhere else, of course, and did things I hadn't planned originally (damn you, muse!)_

 _But I will get there! Eventually..._

 _It would be of great help for me if you could tell me if all this is too lengthy and boring, sadly I'm no good in judging this in my own stories... Please let me know! :D_

 _As always, thanks for reading and reviewing._

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

When I woke up, I had no idea where I was. For a moment, there was just sheer panic when I realized that I was not leaning against the wall where Merlin had left me. With my eyes closed, I listened intently and tried to figure out where I was laying, but it didn't work. So I opened my eyes and looked around.

Relief flooded in. I was in the big hall where the knights had their meals when they were not on duty. But the tables and benches had been removed and instead, there stood cot next to cot, most of them inhabited by people covered in bandages. Some of them groaned with pain, some moved around restlessly andothers lay completely still. The hall had become a makeshift sickbay. Unhurt knights and servants were walking around with extra blankets, buckets containing water, with bandages and some with trays full of plates with food for the luckier wounded.

At the end of the hall, close to the door, I saw two knights carrying a stretcher with someone on it who was covered head to toe with a blanket. Presumably dead.

I sat up slowly and momentarily felt dizzy and nauseous, but then the feeling calmed down and my vision cleared again. Judging by the light coming through the windows, it must be morning, so I had been out for hours.

Just as I was about to stand up, a familiar voice said: "You shouldn't have sat up yet."

Only when he touched my shoulder did I realize that Merlin really was talking to me. I slowly turned my head, not wanting to get dizzy again, and gave the warlock an uneasy smile: "Um... hello."

He smiled back at me with a relieved expression. Maybe he had felt guilty about leaving me alone and untended, and was now easier to see me awake.

"Gaius will be here soon, I'm sure. He actually sent me to look for you."

"Why?", I asked in surprise and before I could stop myself.

Another smile: "He was very worried Morgana had you killed before we came."

I wondered how he, after everything he had seen and done and all that had been done to him, was so fast to smile at someone who should be no more than a vaguely familiar face. I had never been this fast in being nice to people, always warily keeping my distance.

He looked at me expectantly, and I shook the thought and the slight feeling of envy and snorted: "Oh please. I'm a knight of Camelot and easily as good with a sword as Gwaine."

His expression wavered slightly and I felt something in me going cold.

"He's not dead, is he?", I asked in alarm.

"No", Merlin said, if only a little bit fast.

"But he's not well either."

"Not really, no. The fever's down a bit, but he is very weak. He won't take food and only very little water, denying the things he would need now. But I'm sure Gaius will help him. He always does."

His smile was back again, but this time I knew that he was only hiding his fear behind it. Curiously enough, I admired him for this even more than before.

* * *

"How are you feeling?", Gaius asked, while he was taking a look at the back of my head. I had a feeling that he meant more than just the head injury, so I answered honestly: "I've been better."

My voice sounded strange in my ears, forlorn and small and quivering, but crying was something Knights were surely forbidden to do, so I concentrated on the unpleasant feeling of Gaius probing the bump I had on my head with experienced fingers.

I desperately tried to find something to talk about so he would not ask me anything that sounded even remotely like 'How about that explanation you promised me', but nothing came to my mind, so I braced myself for the question that would surely come next and to which I had no answer.

The physician asked kindly: "Have you eaten anything yet?"

It took me a moment to decipher the meaning of the words and then I shook my head.

"You should. But only a bit, and then you should sleep some more. I don't think you have a concussion, but we should wait a few more hours just to make sure."

* * *

I lay on the cot, the food feeling heavy in my stomach, even though I had only taken a few bites, but after eating nothing for so long, it felt wrong anyway.

Despite feeling tired, I was unable to sleep. The thought of Gwaine dying haunted me. I knew it would happen, eventually, but it shouldn't be now and not this way. If Gwaine died, his blood would be on my hands and I couldn't cleanse myself from it, not ever.

I cursed my bad luck that of all the knights, it was Gwaine who had been imprisoned with me. But the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that I would feel this way about every knight of Camelot. They were all important and had their roles to play before the end, and it was me who would probably cause early deaths for them, including Gwen and Arthur.

And Merlin and Gaius... and all the people of Camelot.

Doubts were creeping in, even stronger than I had experienced them in the woods on my first day here, because now I doubted if staying here in the first place had been the right thing to do.

If I had had my necklace, I would have fled then. But the necklace was gone, and I had no choice anymore. With a heavy heart, I pushed my doubts away, knowing they were justified, and stood up. I needed to get out of the hall to calm my mind.

* * *

I hadn't consciously directed my steps, but I ended up in front of Gaius' chambers. I stopped there and tried to figure out what and how much I could tell the physician. He was old and certainly wise, he had learned a lot over the years and had always been a good adviser for Merlin. If there was any person in the whole of Camelot who would believe me and keep my origin and profession a secret, it would be Gaius.

But, as one might imagine, it's not easy to explain to someone what a tale-changer is, and telling somebody that they're not real never works out. And when you tell them how much you know about their lives and deepest secrets, they usually freak out and try to kill you.

But I had to tell someone. And so I knocked at the door.


	10. Real

**Chapter 9**

But I had to tell someone. And so I knocked at the door.

I waited for an answer, but none came, so I knocked again, a bit louder this time, but to no avail. Then I heard someone coming up the steps behind me and before I even had time to turn around, the King rushed past me and opened the door. Without knocking, of course.

He burst in, yelling: "Merlin! Get here this instant!"

He sounded seriously pissed, and I decided to stay out of this and not risk being drawn into anything.

The door to Merlin's small, personal room behind Gaius' opened and the warlock emerged, his hair a mess, looking like he had just fallen asleep, blinking at the light. Behind him, I could see Gwaine laying on the bed. It remembered me of the first time we saw him, and remembering the laughing, rebellious Gwaine in comparison to the seriously wounded one was like a stab to the heart.

"Arthur?", Merlin asked sleepily and yawned.

"What", Arthur snapped and threw something at the servant with a sudden move, "is this supposed to mean?"

"I believe this is one of your shirts", Merlin stated and quizzicallylooked at the King.

"I guess someone even dumber than you could have figured that much out! Don't you notice anything else?" Arthur's voice had an edge to it now and he sounded more impatient than ever.

"No, not really..." The warlock sighed, turning the shirt over and over in his hands. Suddenly he grimaced: "What is this awful smell?"

"Exactly, Merlin! What is this awful smell? I wish I knew! But because I don't and everything in my wardrobe is reeking, you will go there and fix it this instant. It's the middle of the day, Merlin, and you have had enough free time the last few days!"

With these words he walked past me again, giving me a very small nod and then stomping down the stairs.

"But... Arthur, wait!", Merlin called, but the King was already out of earshot. Or he didn't care what his servant had to say. I was actually not sure which one of these explanations would be more likely.

Merlin stood in the middle of Gaius' room with the shirt in his hands, shaking his head. When he looked up, he noticed me and hurried over: "Have you heard all that?"

I nodded.

"I will have to go and take a look at Arthur's wardrobe. This thing", he waved the shirt around before my eyes, "smells like something died in there. But I can't leave Gwaine alone. Would you mind looking after himwhile I'm gone? I'm sure Gaius will be back any minute."

"Sure. I wanted to talk to Gaius anyway."

* * *

Merlin's room was quieter than the official sickbay. The warlock explained that both he and Gaius had felt it safer to monitor the knight's condition closely and this was easier when he was here.

He told me I had to renew the coldcompresson his forehead every few minutes. Merlin said that at times Gwaine was semi-conscious and that were the only moments when he would take a few mouthfuls of water, so if I noticed this I should try to get some water into him. If I noticed any serious change in his condition, I should immediately come and get him, or Gaius, if I could find him sooner.

When the warlock left me, he was more than anxious to return soon, looking really uneasy about leaving at all. His concern for his friend's well being was obvious.

* * *

Then I was alone again with the knight.

I sat beside Gwaine on a stool and watched how his chest rose and fell. His breathing was shallow and uneven. While I stared at him I thought how young he looked. He was only barely older than me, and now, with his face pale and meager, I could really see it.

Suddenly tears were running down my cheeks and I was unable to stop them. Gwaine looked like he was already dead.

When the worst of the crying had stopped, my head was feeling uncomfortably light and my eyes were burning. After a short while his hitching breath became unbearable for me and I started to say out loud all the things that crossed my mind, just to stop the room from being this silent.

"Where I come from, they could've cured you in no time. Your wound would be nothing more than a common occurrence, not worth their special attention. And they would give you all the liquids you need without you having to swallow anything at all..."

While I babbled on, I replaced the cloth on Gwaine's forehead. Even though I barely touched him, I could feel the heat radiating off of him.

"If I had followed the rules of the council, nothing would've happened to you. I always was a crappy tale-changer. They taught us we had to distance ourselves from the worlds we visited, they wanted us to be emotionless people who carried out their orders. But I never really did, I just couldn't. It made no sense to me and even if I tried, it never worked. I mean, look at me now! I'm talking to an unconscious man who can't even hear me. Since I've arrived here, everything has gone wrong and I have no one to talk to. I was alone for the past two years, too, but it wasn't that hard then. Seeing you together with the other knights... It only reminds me of what I lost. And whom."

Gwaine groaned and his eyelids flickered **:** "Gwaine? Can you hear me? Gwaine?"

My heart was beating rapidly and for a moment I was sure he would wake up. But of course he didn't.

This would be even too melodramatic for a tale-changer, I thought, and a bitter smile formed on my face.

"If only I had my necklace, Gwaine. I would've left before you had even gotten hurt in the first place. Maybe then everything would've corrected itself. Sometimes this does happen. I've never heard about a changer getting stuck in a world. The council should've done something by now to get me out again and to stop me from messing up this much."

Gwaine moved around uneasily for a few minutes and then lay still again without regaining consciousness.

No matter what the council said, the people in the stories are real, I thought and carefully brushed a stray strand of hair out of the knight's face. Because the members never traveled between worlds, it was so easy for them to judge us for becoming friends or even falling in love with people they categorized as mere 'Characters'.

But Gwaine felt real. The strand of hair was wet with sweat and his skin burning with fever, I could hear him breathe and groan. He was real, no matter what they said. They had no idea.

"You know – of all the knights, you always were my favorite. You are brave and strong and courageous. Full of yourself, but handsome enough to pull it off. Your jokes are crap, most of the time, but they always made me laugh and feel better, even when they were completely ridiculous. It always looked like you didn't care that much, but you always did. You are so perceptive, Gwaine, and notice the smallest things. You stand besides your friends no matter what and regardless of what they need you to do. You..."

I hated how my voice sounded, barely audible anymore even for myself. While tears clouded my vision again, I continued:

"Damn it, Gwaine, don't you dare die. Don't you dare. I've sworn I would keep you all save. And we are save, for now, for the next few years, at least as save as anyone in Camelot can be. You should be happy now, not in here, dying. I wasn't supposed to meet you at all and I feel so guilty and I just can't watch you die, I –It's my fault you're laying here and if... when... if you die, I will never forgive myself for that."

I stopped myself before I could say more like this, because I knew where I would end up, rambling on like this. I said it before: A changer needs a bond to the world he or she was going to, and if I continued talking, I might realize things that I didn't want to know, feelings I had buried inside me as deep as I could, not only because the council told me to, but also because I had been hurt once before. And I couldn't bear this to happen again.

But I had one more thing that needed saying. Leaning closer to the knight, I whispered: "You're not done yet. You are Strength, remember? This meant something, Gwaine. So be strong and fight!"

* * *

 _ **A/N:** I'm perfectly happy with this one and hopefully you are too, even if it's very emotional. I just had to write it!_

 _The next one will be the last one around the events of "The Sword in the Stone". It will be a bit longer than this one, I guess, because I have to tie off a lot of loose ends, but then we will proceed to the next step._

 _Thanks for reading, guys!_


	11. Like he would never, ever let go again

**Chapter 10**

Two months had passed since we took back Camelot from the Southrons. I can't remember why, but I had always imagined the situation in Camelot would get instantly better after it was freed from the enemies. Instead, it got only slightly better at first and then even worse. It was nice to be free again, but the city and the people in it were still in danger.

Many knights had been killed in the first attack, been executed by Morgana afterwards, or died when they tried to retake Camelot. Arthur had lost almost a third of his trusted knights and of those who weren't killed, many were wounded and not fit for duty. A lot of them died after the battle, even though Gaius did whatever he could.

One might imagine that with this many losses, it wasn't easy to regain order within Camelot's borders.

The surrounding kingdoms, though they had renewed their treaties with the King, were another steady danger. Rumours had it that some of the kings were plotting an allegiance against Camelot and it's young King, now that its defences were down to a minimum. After all, Arthur was inexperienced and if there ever would be a chance to strike against him, it was now.

Bandits (possibly paid by these kings to destabilize Camelot even more) were roaming the woods freely, attacking many merchants who were on their way to the city with goods and stole the food off of them.

Worse still, the surrounding fields were mostly plundered and the crops had simply been burned by the retreating Southrons in a last act of hatred. The people weren't starving, not yet, but the situation could've been better.

These, among many others, were reasons why this day was so important to us all. Camelot's citizens needed something to get the worry out of their heads, and what would be better to do this than the wedding of their beloved king with one of their very own.

Today was the day Gwen and Arthur would get married.

* * *

 _If Gaius had been surprised to find me with Gwaine, he didn't show it. I can only imagine what I must have looked like, sweaty all over, eyes red-rimmed, face swollen from tears, hair messed up and voice hoarse._

 _The physician took one short look at me, made sure Gwaine was all right and then dragged me out of Merlin's room._

 _He made me sit down at the table and made a tea, shoving the cup into my hand when it was finished and then just waited for me to start talking._

 _And I did._

 _I told him everything, about my profession, about the mission I had here and the moment I decided I would do otherwise and why._

 _I told him about all the worlds I had been to before._

 _I even spoke about my Black Knight, something I had never been able to do before to anybody._

 _He never interrupted me and calmly waited until I was finished, saving his follow-up questions for when I was ready. I couldn't answer them all, but he didn't seem to mind._

 _It was evening when we finally stopped talking._

 _Gaius promised silence, not a word even to Merlin, and asked me not to tell him anything about what would happen in the future. As I intended to change the future anyway, I was happy to oblige._

* * *

Gwaine was still recovering from his wounds and had difficulties with some movements. He also tired fast, which was the reason I had brought his armour to his room for him.

Gaius predicted that he would be his own self again before long. While I fastened the last straps on my own armour, I kept glancing at Gwaine warily. Over the last few weeks, I had learned not to ask him if he needed any help, because if I did, he would stubbornly keep trying himself. If I just sat back and waited, he would eventually ask for assistance.

The knight unhappily fiddled around with his armour and finally, with a frustrated smile, he asked: "Will, would you mind?"

I fought down the urge to tease him about being a whiny old man or something, grinning to myself when I thought that this was exactly what he would've said if the situation was reversed, and walked over to him.

* * *

 _I had been sitting in the armoury, sharpening my sword, when Merlin, almost scaring me out of my wits, burst into the room. He was out of breath, his hair dishevelled, but he was beaming and his eyes, though red-rimmed and with dark circles underneath them, shone happily._

" _Gaius sent me to tell you – He woke up! He will make it!", he called, and was out of the room again in the next second, certainly off to the tavern or the training area to tell Leon and the others._

 _Judging by his face, he would probably even tell the whole city that his friend was going to make it, whether people would listen or not._

 _I sat back onto the chair, the smile getting ever bigger on my face._

 _I had no need to ask who 'he' was. In the last few days I had been visiting Gaius' chambers and the wounded Knight whenever I was not on duty. Gaius knew how much Gwaine's recovery meant to me._

 _When I finally ran out of things to tell the physician, he started to divide the errands he needed run between me and Merlin to keep my mind off of things._

 _Merlin didn't seem to mind how often I spent time with his mentor and he certainly wasn't unhappy that Gaius took some of his chores off of him. Arthur was keeping him busy even more than usual, a sign that told those who knew him a bit better how nervous he was about the marriage._

 _When Gaius noticed my interest in medicine and the art of healing, he willingly shared his knowledge with me, teaching me simple things and skills I hadn't learned yet. I could also tell him some things I had learned in the last world, in which the medicine was more advanced._

 _His books also were of great comfort to me. The familiar shape and smell were calming and helped me to sleep at night, because after the events with the Southrons, my nightmares had returned worse than ever._

 _The physician was a sympathetic man, who was patient with me, and his small gestures helped to ease my fear and calm my mind._

* * *

I wasn't surprised at all when I learned that Gwen and Arthur would become husband and wife in the gathering hall in the lower town where the common people were married. Gwen had chosen this place and Arthur, knowing how much this meant to her, only too happily agreed.

Most of the younger knights now were on duty, either patrolling just outside of town or warily keeping an eye on the citizens, many of whom had come to line the streets. A stranger with bad intentions could hide himself easily between them, so they were extra careful.

Arthur originally was against special security measurements, but he finally was persuaded to be cautious, if not for his own safety, but for Gwen's.

I expected to be given duties, too, but instead Gwaine arrived at my room in the morning and informed me that I was invited to the wedding.

It was obvious that he had pulled some strings for me, knowing that I really wanted to go, and if I hadn't had to act like a knight, I would've hugged him now or started to cry, but so I just nodded and gave him a friendly, manly punch to the shoulder.

* * *

 _One of the first things Gwaine did after Gaius allowed him to get up and move around was to take me to the tavern, to thank me for 'saving his life' – which I didn't, not even technically. It had all been Gaius' work. I had been a useless, whining little girl back in the dungeons. But well, Gwaine had been unconscious then, and Gaius wouldn't tell him, so I had to go._

 _I had a clear idea what I thought this evening would be about (Gwaine getting drunk and dragging me along as an alibi), but I was surprised. Gwaine didn't drink as much as I would've guessed, barely enough to slur his speech, and he stopped me when he believed I had had enough._

 _As this was his first night out after getting wounded, I thought this would be one time only, but again I was mistaken. Gwaine seemed to be determined to befriend me, no matter how much I, at first, tried to keep my distance._

 _He took me by surprise with this entirely and even more so when he started to bring me along to meetings with the inseparables, too._

 _Strangely enough, none of them seemed to mind me accompanying him whenever they met in the tavern. The inseparables were inseparable, yes, but it wasn't that hard to get to know them._

 _After a few weeks it was difficult for me not to miss them when I hadn't seen them for a few hours._

 _So, the day Gwaine woke up was the day my whole life in Camelot changed. It got indefinitely better, but it also got worse._

 _Now I wasn't the nameless knight any more, but had people who cared about me and by getting closer to them, I got ever more afraid they might get hurt._

 _When I noticed how much I started to feel like part of their group, it scared me. A lot._

 _I talked to Gaius about this, but the old physician just grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze: "I'm sure this is for the best. No one should stay alone for long, and you don't have to be just because you feel guilty about something that you can not control. Besides, you need protection as much as they do, Will, don't forget it."_

* * *

When Gwaine and I entered the hall, I thought it natural to stay in one of the last rows. Just as I was about to settle down, Gwaine grabbed my arm and pulled me with him to one of the rows close to the front, so that I sat between Gwaine and Leon, who gave me a reassuring smile and a nod before fixing his eyes on the two chairs sitting at the end of the hall. A grin was hovering on his face. I guessed that he was thinking about Gwen and himself in their youth. Who could've imagined that one day, she would become his Queen?

* * *

 _In the two months since the Southrons were defeated, I pieced the story together as much as I could because I felt the urge to know as much as I could about what had happened, and filling the bits I didn't know about felt like closure._

 _Elyan and Leon did make it to the woods and were joined by Percival later, who had narrowly managed to fled the castle without being imprisoned by the Southrons. Elyan had been wounded, though not as severely as Gwaine, and his only comment about the whole affair had been that he was really sorry that due to his wound he had not been able to accompany Arthur and the others when they retook Camelot and had missed all the action._

 _Percival, who had led a group of knights that should free the lower town, had faced Helios. The knights accompanying him reassured me that the fight had been fierce, bloody and had almost ended badly for the knight. In the end, however, he won. Percival himself never boasted about killing the leader of the Southrons and kept silent about the whole affair, no matter how much I pressed him._

 _Gaius confirmed my theory that he had tried to accompany Arthur and Merlin on their way to Ealdor, but was captured by Morgana's soldiers and then tortured with the Nathair. The old man spoke about it without showing any emotion, but I could see in his eyes how guilty he felt about giving up the position of his ward and the King._

 _Arthur and Merlin had experienced the same story I had already known, following the original storyline closely, including meeting Isolde and Tristan, their stay at Hunith's, the reunion with Gwen, and Arthur pulling the sword out of the stone. I really regretted not to have witnessed that moment._

 _Agravaine had disappeared. Gaius hinted that Merlin had done something to him when they fled Ealdor, but the physician wasn't sure if Merlin had only hindered him from following them or if he had killed him. Merlin wouldn't say, but as Arthur's treacherous uncle hadn't bothered us until now, I believed, and hoped, it to be the latter._

 _Morgana had escaped. No one knew how, but she managed to get out of the castle without anyone noticing her. It wasn't that surprising really, considering that she had spent her childhood in the castle and knew every hidden way in and out. Nonetheless, it was obviously hard on Arthur to have again missed the chance to try and win her back or stop her for good this time._

* * *

While we waited for the ceremony to begin, the knights were fooling around, trying to drag me in, too, but I couldn't join in whole-heartedly. There were too many thoughts in my head that I would've liked to discuss with Gaius now, but the physician was sitting a few rows before me, talking quietly to Merlin, who was loo king around sheepishly in his new clothes.

Then Arthur entered the hall, with the cloak blowingaround him while he walked. His face was solemn and earnest, the crown looking heavy on his head. I couldn't even guess what he would be thinking about now.

Maybe about his father, who wouldn't approve of this marriage. Or maybe he was worrying something would go wrong in the last minute.

When the king had reached the steps leading to the platform on which the chairs stood, he stopped and everyone fell silent, heads turned to the now again closed door.

* * *

 _The whole of Camelot's unscathed knights had been summoned to the courtyard to be part of the memorial for Tristan. Arthur thought this was the right way to thank the man that had helped to free Camelot and had lost his life in doing so._

 _I had the impression that Arthur had had some kind of speech at hand, but when Isolde walked up to the front row, her face blank, seemingly composed, but pale and her eyes full of pain, he never said a word and simply offered a burning torch to her instead. She took it, gave him a tiny nod, and set fire to the wood._

 _We all watched in silence as it began to burn._

 _When Isolde swayed, her shoulders shaking with tears, Gwen, who had been standing somewhere between the servants, walked over to her and took her free hand, then pulling her into another embrace._

 _Arthur's and Gwen's eyes met over Isolde's head. They held each others gazes for what seemed like eternity. It was Gwen who broke away first, but Arthur kept staring at her with a determined expression._

 _A few days later they made their engagement public and the preparations for the wedding began._

* * *

It was Elyan who walked Gwen down the aisle. The Knight was beaming proudly beside his sister who, in a simple blue dress and with flowers in her hair, looked more like a Queen than Morgana in all her fancy dresses and with the crown on her head ever did.

For a short moment when Guinevere entered the hall, everyone was simply staring at her. Then we all rose, like one man, and it was so quiet you could've heard a needle hit the floor.

Arthur's and her eyes met and both of them stared at each other for a few seconds. Then Arthur started to smile widely and tears rolled over Guinevere's cheeks. I was sure that Arthur too was nearly crying, but he would never have admitted to that.

Their eyes never left each others faces and when Elyan and his sister finally reached the two chairs at the front, Arthur grabbed her hand and held it like he would never, ever let go of it again.

I'm pretty sure none of the people present listened to Geoffrey of Monmouths words. I surely didn't, because I had trouble to keep my own tears back. I thought of all the things these two had to go through for this day to happen.

Their love had survived it all, even Morgana's wicked scheme with Lancelot.

While I watched them kiss, I silently renewed my promise to myself that I would keep Arthur alive. After everything, this was not only what they needed, this was what they deserved.

* * *

 _I knew deep down in my guts that this would be the last world I would visit._

 _Who knows what the council will do to me, I thought, but, everything considered, the thing that mattered now was that I might change this world. There were years ahead of me in Camelot and I would cherish every minute, even the bad ones._

* * *

After the wedding ceremony was over, the newly-weds left the hall, slowly followed by those who had been in it. They led the way up to the citadel, where Guinevere would be crowned Queen in a few hours.

* * *

 _ **To be continued.**_

* * *

 _ **A/N:** I always felt the wedding itself was missing in the series – if I am correct, than a King first marries the woman and she then gets crowned Queen, right?_

 _I have no idea why the writers would skip it, but we did see a 'real' wedding with Uther and 'Catrina', so the crowning isn't the same as the wedding._

 _I also guess that Arthur would've done things differently than his father, so I decided to write it this way. I thought it fitted in with the epic ending of season 4!_

 _I hope that there are no more loose ends that I forgot to explain._

 _I hope you enjoyed this 'episode' in all its wordiness._

 _Now I will start to re-watch season 5 (yay). My head is already full of ideas! But boy, do I hate the ending... :D Well, I knew from the beginning I would have to do this when I started writing :D_


	12. Never getting any easier

_**A/N:** Let's start with the second, even bigger part of the story! There are many things going to happen... And I can promise you, you will be surprised, shocked and confused but, hopefully, you'll follow through till the very end :D _

_Also, I've been wondering if any of you would like a spin-off with drabbles and one-shots in between seasons 4 and 5 to give Will's friendships with the knights some more depth? I'm sure I could come up with something, so just let me know... :D_

 _As always, reviews are appreciated :)_

 _So, without further ado... - We'll start with series 5!_

* * *

 **Chapter 11 – Never getting any easier**

I awoke with a headache. Only after I really tried to remember, the memories came back in little fragments.

We had celebrated the Queen's second year of reign and the second anniversary of the royal marriage with a big feast and lots of drinks. And after both King and Queen had retired to 'go to bed early', we continued to feast. When there was literally no wine left any more, Gwaine proposed to go to The Rising Sun.

Judging by my headache, we did, but everything after the feast in the castle was a blur. It was kind of surprising that I was actually laying on my own bed in my room and not somewhere in the gutter or, this had happened once before, in the midst of the courtyard with mud all over my face and wet clothes. It had all been very embarrassing and, of course, none of my fellow knights remembered who had been with me that night or where I had been to get this dirty.

I rolled onto my back, fighting down the nausea, and, while massaging my temples, cursed Gwaine under my breath. It was, after all, his fault that I had the worst hangover ever.

Hopefully he was even worse than I was.

I stood up and staggered over to the table, where the wash-bowl stood. The cold water helped me to regain some of my senses, which was bad, because now every step hurt even more and the light coming from the small window was far too bright.

* * *

I skipped breakfast and walked to Gaius' instead, knowing he could provide me with something against headache and nausea. He didn't ask what I needed and had all the suitable herbs already sorted out, so I had the feeling that I wasn't the first to seek his aid or he foresaw that most of the knights would come to him in the course of the day.

When it was lunch-time, I was hungry enough to go to the main hall to eat, expecting to meet the inseparables.

Today, though, I saw only Elyan and Percival. An almost gleeful smile crossed my face: Gwaine obviously was too groggy to be up yet. Serves him right, I thought, but I wondered where Leon was. It wasn't like him to miss a meal or sleep late. He was far too dutiful for that.

Elyan sat down on the bench next to me, but instead of digging into his food like he usually did, he turned to me with an apologetic look: "Have you heard about Leon?"

"No! What happened?", I asked in alarm.

"Nothing serious. On his way home he managed to stumble over his own feet and now he has a badly strained wrist. He won't be able to accompany us today. I know its your day off, but I was hoping you'd come along."

"Of course I'll come with you, I know how important this is for you both." I grinned and added, "But we really have to stop Gwaine from dragging us along to the tavern every time he wants a drink."

Elyan nodded, thanked me and then started to dig in like he hadn't seen food in a week.

Smiling to myself, I turned back to my own plate. I could eat just as much as he could and, despite having been made for many, the food tasted delicious.

At least if you're hungry enough.

* * *

They left us at the edge of the woods to proceed alone. Elyan and Gwen had solemn faces and their eyes were full of memories, both good and bad. They walked arm in arm and took their time in getting up to the top of the hill.

I could just make out the siblings beside the small pile of stones marking their father's grave, two dark figures against the magnificent blue summer sky.

It reminded me of something I had managed to think of less and less over the months, but now it was present again.

"It never does get easier, does it?", I asked quietly.

Gwaine shrugged and after a little while said: "Don't think so. But you get used to live with the pain", he added after a moment.

Despite the warmth of the day, I shuddered, but then pushed the memories aside. It had been four years and a half, and there was no way of knowing what could've been or should've been.

I settled down on a fallen tree with eyes closed and turned my face so the sun could shine on it. It was quiet, except for the shuffling of the horses, the singing of the birds and the occasional bumblebee buzzing around.

It was one of those moment of peace that I had really come to cherish in the two years since the Southrons were driven out of Camelot. Things had taken a long time to quiet down, but now, finally, there were no fights in the near future that I could see, and until the events after which everything would go down in flames, one year was still to come.

Suddenly water was poured all over my face. Coughing and spluttering, I opened my eyes in shock, though the laughing already betrayed the person who had, apparently, emptied the whole of his water skin over my unsuspecting face.

"Gwaine! What was that for?!", I exclaimed and tried so smooth my hair back into shape. It had grown in the last months and I had not yet thought of cutting it shorter again. Judging by the way it fell into my face when it got wet, I definitely should, or I would look like Gwaine in a few weeks. Horrible idea, I mused, and smiled up at him sweetly, fighting down the embarrassment of having been startled like that.

Then, before the knight had a chance to react, I jumped up and wrestled him to the ground. He fell down, but somehow I was sure it was out of surprise and not because of my strength. As always, within a few minutes he had the upper hand and finally pinned me down underneath him.

Percival, who was minding the horses, laughed in his own, specialway and clapped mockingly.

Grinning widely, Gwaine stood up, extended his hand to me and said: "You really aren't getting any better at all!"

I was about to complain when he winked at me and gave me another smile, making an absurd little bow in the direction of Percival, who snorted in answer and gave his horse another apple.

Both of us panting, I resumed my place on the log and Gwaine lay down next to it on the ground, his arms behind his neck, smiling up at the sun.

* * *

I wasn't paying attention to the conversation until Gwen directly addressed me: "Tell me, William, has Gwaine told you anything of this new girlfriend?"

"What?", I asked and tried to piece together what I had missed, but couldn't. Even while I was thinking, a movement in the undergrowth caught my attention. Before I had time to warn the others, Saxons jumped out of the bushes, yelling at the top of their voices, their swords up high in the air. They looked like creatures out of nightmares.

We had an emergency plan for situations just like these at hand, so despite being surprised, we composed ourselves after a few dangerous seconds.

"Protect the Queen!", Elyan shouted while drawing his sword.

Percival, who had been next to Guinevere, forced her horse out of harm's way to the left, while Gwaine, Elyan and I blocked the Saxons' way to them.

While knight and Queen escaped into the other direction, we took care of the assailants. It didn't take more than a few minutes before they lay fallen on the ground and we turned to follow Percival and Guinevere.

* * *

"We should have found them by now!", Elyan said, his concern obvious. He looked shaken and guilty, barely hiding his anger about himself and his concern for his sister.

"They definitely have gonequite a long way", Gwaine murmured, barely loud enough for me to hear. I nodded, carefully looking at the path as well as the woods at the side, just in case the had hidden alongside the road. As if our situation wasn't bad enough yet, it was getting darker every moment. Dusk was approaching fast.

"There!", Gwaine suddenly exclaimed and pointed ahead and a bit to the left.

Sure enough, there was Guinevere's horse standing next to a birch tree and, a few metres behind it, I could just make out a red cloak spread on the ground.

"Percival!"

* * *

It was a few minutes before midnight when we reached Camelot. Arthur, who had obviously anxiously awaited our return, rushed to the main gate as soon as we reached the courtyard: "What happened?"

It was fairly obvious what had happened, but still, none of us wanted to tell him or even meet his eyes.

"Elyan! What has happened?", Arthur repeated his question, his voice a mixture of command, plea, and fear.

Elyan shook his head.

"We lost the Queen, Sire", Gwaine finally admitted.


	13. Searching for the Queen

**Chapter 12**

 _ **A/N:** I'm sorry this took me so long, but I really had problems to write this one as, unlike the rest of the chapters, I hadn't written it beforehand and never seriously planned what had to be done. I only knew how it would end and what it would cause... But I will stop right there to not give you too many hints what's going on. Anyway, I apologize for the short chapter and its lack of dialogue as well as the long wait. _

_The next one will be far more interesting, I promise._

* * *

We had been riding for hours and, by now, were soaked through. The fair, warm weather had suddenly turned against us with heavy fog and cold rain, causing me to have another headache and really bad temper. The thin summer garments weren't enough at all to keep us warm. My cloak was weighting heavily on my shoulders.

No one felt like talking any more. We had started as soon as there was light, meaning, in the first rays of the sun we rode out of the castle yard, but of course we had been awake before that, getting dressed, packing provisions, and lots of other small things one only remembers a few minutes before actually starting on a quest.

With weary eyes I looked around, trying to pierce the fog, looking for anything that might pinpoint the Queen's location.

We had started under a clouded heaven, back where we had found Percival and Gwen's horse. Going from where we had lost her, we made circles, searching the ground and bushes for any sign of a person coming through. Percival, against Gaius' explicit advice, had joined us and, at first, this had seemed like a good thing, because he had found a simple, broken twig and even a shoe-print in the moss, a trace we could follow.

After two years of getting to know the knight's tracking abilities, I wholly trusted him to find her.

But after only two hours of sleep at average for us all, we were tired, short-tempered and stressed. As the hours went by, it became obvious that Percival's condition worsened. He was shivering even more than us, swaying gently when on horseback and barely able to walk when on ground. But still, he wouldn't stop dismounting and looking for the little, hidden hints where the Queen could've gone to, always finding a small sign of her, but getting weaker and paler every time he got back up on the horse.

Looking at Arthur's determined face, I wasn't too sure he would allow the knight to stop even if he wanted to.

When it got too dark to find any traces any more, we made camp. It was still raining, all the blankets were wet and even Merlin's hidden powers couldn't keep a fire burning for long, at least not without appearing suspicious.

* * *

It was a miserable night. I was exhausted and still felt hungover, but I never really slept, only dozed away for a few minutes, then snapped awake again at the slightest noise.

When I relieved Elyan from watch, I was almost thankful because now I could walk around to keep warm and stop to try forcing myself to sleep.

Percival was supposed to keep watch for the last two hours of the night, but when I walked over to wake him, he was asleep, and I hadn't the heart to wake him. He would need all his strength on the next day – or longer, if until then we hadn't found Gwen.

* * *

In the first light of the new morning, the rain finally stopped and the sun came out again, but she was weak and before our clothes had a chance to dry, she was hidden behind grey, dark clouds again.

* * *

We were getting on really slowly, Percival in the lead, dismounting time and time again to check if we were still on the right path, Arthur directly after him with a firm expression, Merlin, as always, beside him. Even he was less chatty than normally. Leon and Gwaine followed after them, and then Elyan and me. We were riding metres apart to survey a bigger area.

* * *

When another shower poured down on us, Percival turned round to Arthur and shook his head silently, finally admitting his defeat. He had lost the track and the rain had destroyed what little hope we should have lost the day before already.

For a moment, the King's eyes narrowed and I thought he might do something crazy, but then he hung his head, nodding. His command to turn back was almost too low to hear.

* * *

On the morning after the second night, halfway back to Camelot, Percival wouldn't wake up, no matter what Merlin tried. The knight's condition was alarming, but even though we tried to take him back to the citadel as fast as we could, we were forced to spend a third night in the woods, this time lucky enough to find a cave and escape another heavy downpour in the middle of the night.

* * *

Finally, four days after we set out, we returned to Camelot, weary, tired, with a sick knight and otherwise empty hands. The mood was more than just low, as one might imagine.

But, to our immense surprise and Arthur's unfathomable joy, Guinevere hastened over to us as soon as we rode into the castle yard. The Queen threw her arms around her husband's neck and kissed him, unusually unceremoniously compared to how she normally behaved, and he seemed to melt under her touch, smiling and laughing afterwards.

While Gwaine and Merlin hurried off to Gaius' with Percival on a stretcher, Elyan and I stayed with the King to hear Guinevere's story.

* * *

When the Saxons attacked us, she and Percival had turned in the other direction to escape. While fleeing, the knight had been pitched by his horse. When Gwen had stopped to check if he was all right, a stray Saxon had jumped her and taken her with him.

She had been his prisoner for two days, but, lucky for her, on his way back to his leader, they had run into a Camelot patrol.

It turned out that we must've passed them by closely on the third day, but due to the rain muffling most sounds and the ever returning, thick fog, we hadn't noticed them.

* * *

As soon as was convenient, I retreated to Gaius' chamber to retell the story to Merlin and Gwaine, both of whom had already been given a check-up by a worried Gaius, who thought that we might all fall ill, resembling a mother hen rather than a court physician, but we appreciated it.

In the end, only Arthur had a cold for a few days, blaming Merlin (who really hadn't done anything), and Gwaine stated he had a sore throat – but, as always, he cured himself with more than just one pint.

As Percival made a speedy recovery as soon as he was out of the rain and had been told Gwen was safely back, no serious harm had been done.

Well.

At least that's what I thought. Turned out I had never been so wrong.


	14. The unthinkable happens

_**A/N:** This is actually chapter 14, but after trying, thinking, rearranging and lots of frustrated blows upon my keyboard (which really hadn't done anything but trying to be helpful) I decided against writing chapter 13 at all and moved on to the next one – and I think it was for the best. _

_I'm not sure about the 'Council Dining Chamber', because I don't think the room was ever called that in the series, but I really needed a name and_ _this was what turned up on .com, so I stuck with it._

 _A_ _s always, reviews are very welcome!_

* * *

 **Chapter 13 – The unthinkable happens**

I laid the chain-mail on my bed, pulled off my shirt and slowly removed the bandages around my chest. Relief flooded in as I breathed in deeply. I ruffled through my hair – and froze in the midst of the movement when I heard the warning bell tolling. Almost simultaneously I heard several people moving quickly through the hallway. I pulled my shirt back on without taking the time to rearrange the bandages, and when the door to my chamber was thrown open with so much force that it banged against the wall with a loud _thud_ , I was glad that I didn't.

"Leon! What happened?", I asked the knight who had rushed in, attended by two other, younger knights I had barely ever talked to until now. Leon's face was pale and carefully blank.

"Are you William, Knight of Camelot?"

I flinched because of the demanding tone, formal style and absurdity of the question. It seemed like the temperature in the room suddenly dropped by a few degrees.

"What do you mean? You know who I am, Leon!"

"Answer the question. Are you William, Knight of-"

"Of course I am!"

Before I had the chance to ask what was going on, Leon made a step back and the knights that had accompanied him, to of the new ones, looking all serious and almost bursting with pride they were allowed to accompany Leon, walked over to me and, to my immense surprise, one of them gave me a push in the direction of the door.

"Walk", he commanded.

I was so surprised I obeyed, but after a few steps managed to blurt out: "Who put you up to this? Look, it's not funny any more. Leon, stop this. You hear me?"

Leon, who was walking at the front, turned around: "You will keep quiet", he ordered, and I bit my tongue in surprise. There was no trace of mockery around his face, only deadly seriousness. I felt fear sinking in, but refused to surrender myself to it.

While they walked me down the hallway, taking a turn left, I noticed the unwelcome movement my breasts made with every step I made. If anyone looked too closely at me, they would surely notice.

After another two bends, I knew where we were going: In the direction of the Council Dining Chamber.

"Leon?", I repeated pleadingly, but he ignored me and kept walking briskly.

* * *

Finally we reached the door to the Chamber. Leon gave one sharp nod to the two guards standing there (whose presence were a sure sign something was badly wrong) and then pushed open the door. Like on a secret signal, the bell stopped ringing.

Every single member of the council had assembled. The inseparables, now joined by Leon, were standing beside the throne, which was empty, and on its other side stood Gwen, wearing a black dress. Gaius and Merlin were standing nearer to the door. While the warlock stared dead ahead, Gaius cast me a seriously worried look and shook his head at seeing my mute question about what was going on. I inhaled sharply, trying desperately to figure out why I had been escorted here.

The two knights walked me to the front and then, to my dismay _,_ one of them pushed me down to my knees before the throne.

"What is - ?", I asked, trying not to sound scared, but before I could even finish, Gwen moved forward, anger radiating off of her.

"You will keep quiet until I ask you a question and command you to speak!"

The Queen gestured to Gaius, who moved to the front. He was walking slowly, unwillingly almost, looking older than ever before, and gave me another look which this time I couldn't decipher the meaning of.

He turned to face to court: "I was called to the King's chambers late this afternoon and found the King with a high fever and sure signs of a poisoning. On examining him, I found that the poison had been administered not by food, but through a small cut on the King's right cheek. It seems to be a slowly working potion of unknown origin for which I have not yet found an antidote."

While the physician spoke, my gaze wandered from his familiar face to that of Gwen. She was standing a little behind him, her expression unreadable, but she was unnaturally composed and appeared unusually quiet for someone who's beloved had been poisoned.

Gaius went back to his former place right next to Merlin, who still refused to look at me.

Gwen motioned to her brother next, who stepped forward and said: "I, amongst several of other knights, was witness to a training-duel this morning between the King and William, in which the aforesaid knight managed to inflict a small cut on the King's right cheek before being beaten."

I let out a gasp of surprise, because now I knew what was going on: "Elyan, what - "

"Quiet!", Gwen commanded, her voice as sharp as a razor. I looked into her eyes and realized the whole, terrible truth when I caught a hint of satisfaction on her face.

* * *

I felt my insides go numb. A little part of my mind protested against what was happening: _This is the wrong order! It's too soon! Morgana should still be imprisoned or licking her wounds –_ _she can't have gotten at Gwen._

But she had had a chance. When Guinevere had disappeared for three days, she had more than enough time to turn her. And she must have. Who – what – I was looking at now, wasn't Guinevere any more. She was Morgana's puppet. And now she was framing me for her attempt at taking Arthur's life.

* * *

"Did you or did you not, William, Knight of Camelot, cause said wound to my husband?"

"I did", I answered honestly, unable to stop my voice from trembling. _I should have known! I should have known, I should've..._

"So you confess to having poisoned Arthur?", she asked, her bottom lip trembling. She was definitely putting on a show, and by the obvious whispers between the court members, they believed their Queen wholeheartedly.

"I would never do that!", I answered, though I knew that I was fighting a lost cause, as I had no evidence that I had nothing to do with the poisoning of the King. "I'm a loyal knight, my lady, you know that. I have never done anything but keeping the King save and protecting Camelot!"

Guinevere stared at me for what seemed like eternity without blinking once, then she whispered, her voice breaking with feelings she no longer really had: "So you never lied to us?"

I shook my head, my mind racing to discover what she might do next.

The Queen knelt down before me, still staring at me, and then, with one fast, unexpected move, she ripped my shirt open, yanked me upwards by my hair and turned me around, unmasking me in front of the whole court.

I heard the inseparables gasp, saw the disbelief in Percival's normally so unmoved face, and then heard the shouts of surprise from the court. Merlin finally looked at me, his eyes huge, his mouth standing open. When our eyes met, he looked to the side again. Gaius laid a hand on his wards shoulder for a moment, supporting him, though his own face was getting paler every minute.

"You never lied to us? You are not even who you said you were!", Gwen murmured and then added, for good measure apparently, a thing between a sob and a scream, "How long have you planned to kill my husband?"

She let go of me and I fell to my knees, trembling uncontrollably, desperately trying to hold back my panicky tears.

Deciding she still hadn't had enough, the Hollow Queen stooped down to me and asked one last question, her voice, audible enough for everyone to hear, was feignedas a whisper:

"What did we ever do to you that you hate us so much?!"


	15. A Token of Friendship

_**A/N:** This was one of the chapters easiest to write, though it is quite heavy on emotions, I guess, so be warned. Things are going to change drastically from now on..._

* * *

 **Chapter 14 – A Token of Friendship**

With one final, loud clattering the cell door closed. The Queen's last words echoed in my head: "You have been found guilty of the attempted assassination of the King, the penalty for which is death..."

Despite not wearing bandages, I had trouble breathing. Every time I inhaled, it felt like my throat was burning. I was barely able to stand, because my knees trembled badly, so I merely crawled over to the corner farthest from the door, trying to understand what had happened.

* * *

On my way downstairs to the cell, I had had a few, crystal-clear moments: The events definitely weren't happening in the right order, and not to the right people. Obviously my presence had done more harm than I had imagined. Not that I wished Tyr to be in my place, but still I would have appreciated not to have been sentenced to death.

It wasn't the first time, but it felt worse than ever before, because this time I had actually betrayed people I had called my friends. Not only had I lied to them, but I also had not succeeded in my plan to save Arthur.

Yesterday around this time I had been at the tavern with the inseparables, emptying one beaker with mead after the other, joking and laughing while trying to ignore Gwaine flirting with the barmaid and listening instead to Elyan talking about his newest lady friend. I had been Sir William of Camelot then, the inseparables' shadow, wearing a red cloak with the Pendragons' crest on it. Now, I was a nameless woman with a ripped shirt sitting in the corner of a cell, waiting for her execution.

The shaking wouldn't stop even after some time and tears were rolling down my cheeks incessantly.

Just my luck then.

* * *

Darkness crept into the cell gradually. I had been sitting without moving for what felt like hours, staring at nothing. In the silence of the dungeons, a thought had returned to haunt me: I was as bad as Morgana. I had meddled with this world. I wanted to change it for the better, but instead I lost control over everything. There was no telling what my presence had done to the legend, what changes I had made without noticing. _You can want the right thing and try to achieve it with all the wrong measures._ Was this a quote? I wasn't sure. Not any more. Not about anything. Maybe this was what I deserved: Punishment for having been so self-righteous as to believe I could actually do something to change Arthur's destiny.

The council may have been right. I wasn't fit for the job.

What a difference a day made, I thought, grimaced and started crying again when I realized I was in the same cell in which I had befriended Gwaine and Gaius.

* * *

I must've slept for some time, because I woke with a start when I heard the cell door opening. It took me several seconds to realize where I was, and before I could move, someone pressed a hand to my mouth to stop me from screaming. Then I heard a familiar voice: "It's me, Will."

Gwaine's face was only dimly lit by the torches that were burning in the corridor, but I stopped struggling instantly.

He removed his hand from my mouth and rose, extending the hand to me to help me up: "We don't have much time. Come on!"

* * *

We reached the metal gate at the end of the tunnel just when the bell started tolling. Startled, Gwaine looked round, but the tunnel behind us was quiet and only lit by our own torch, so hopefully no one knew where we had gone to. Not yet, anyway.

It was ridiculous that this time the warning bell was marking my flight from the dungeons, that it was my fault the knights dressed as quickly as they could, ready for anything. I knew what it felt like to be woken in the middle of the night by this bell, knowing that anything could be happening and that maybe, one would not live to see the light of day.

Gwaine fumbled with the lock and I heard the rattling of keys before the grille opened and I vaguely wondered where he had got the keys from.

I followed the knight out into the forest, a few hundred metres away from the castle. Our escape route had been one of the ways Merlin used to get out of the citadel without being seen. I had seen him emerge from this tunnel so often in the series it actually felt familiar.

Gwaine turned round to me, a haunted expression on his face as he stared back to the castle. I could hear people shouting in the distance and torches flickering, but my thoughts were occupied by something else.

"Gwaine, look, I can explain, I..."

"Don't", he interrupted me, grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to a cluster of bushes to get more cover.

"Please, just give me a minute, I beg you, I need you to know..."

He squeezed my hand with so much force I stopped on my own accord and said, without looking at me, "You misunderstood me. There is no need for you to explain. I know."

I stared at him in disbelief and after a few moments, he turned around, his face close to mine, and added: "I've known something was going on for quite some time, but it was only today that I learned all about what and how much you did."

"Gaius told you." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, and I wasn't sure if I should feel betrayed or relieved that Gwaine, who was – well, that he finally knew.

"He had to. After I told him I wanted to bust you out of the dungeons, he filled in the blanks I hadn't figured out for myself yet."

"How long did you know I was lying about something?"

With an unusually serious face he said: "Our first day in the cells. I wasn't sure if you had been hurt and when I examined you, I found.." he gestured to my upper body. Even though he had given me his shirt to cover me, I was feeling naked.

Blushing deeply, I asked: "Was this all you found out on your own?"

"I don't think we have time for that now, Will", he whispered, but continued nonetheless: "When I woke up at Gaius', I remembered vivid dreams about you visiting me, talking about strange things I didn't fully understand. I didn't thought much of them until I found this, though."

He grabbed my hand again, thrust something into it, and gave it another squeeze.

"There's not much time left now, Will."

A tiny smile appeared on his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. After two years, I knew every expression of his, so I knew he was saying goodbye.

It was like someone had punched me in the stomach, because this expression made everything real. I had to leave Camelot if I wanted to survive, and staying here to get killed wasn't an option, not after everything the knight had risked to get me out of the dungeons.

Suddenly I realized even more. He had known I was alone and desperate, he had known I was a woman, an impostor, and he must have guessed that I wouldn't survive long without someone having my back, so he decided to become my friend. It was me who told him everything, and he had somehow made me his responsibility, becoming my anchor and protector. And I had continued to lie to him every single day.

"Gwaine, I..."

With a sudden movement, the knight threw his arms around me. Hugging me tightly, he whispered in my ear: "Thank you for all you've done, Will, for trying to save us." I clang to him, sure he could feel how fast my heart was beating.

"I'm sorry I can't do more to repay you", he added, and then loosened my arms from around him.

He made a step back and stared at me for a few moments, so intensely as if he was trying to memorize the way I looked. I was sure I saw tears glinting in his eyes. Then he leant toward me one more time, pressed a kiss to my forehead, drew back and then, just like that, without another look back, he was inside the escape tunnel, closing the shutter, rattling with the keys, and then he was gone.

Torches moved around in the woods, getting ever closer to me. If I didn't start to run now, the knights would have me surrounded within minutes.

Only when I brought my hand up to my face to wipe over my tear-streaked face did I remember that Gwaine had given me something. Through the veil of tears before my eyes I looked at it and gasped: This was why he had stared at me so hard, taking in the way I looked, because he knew he would never see me again, but he thought this better than seeing me imprisoned and hanged. He did what he had done from the moment he decided I was his responsibility and now he had given me one last token of his friendship, a safe way out.

I had no idea where he might have found it or how long he had hold on to it for me. I had been sure it was lost, but instead it had been evidence everything I had told him when he was at Gaius' could be real. And after the physician had told him everything, he had decided to return it to me.

The thing he had given me was my necklace.


	16. The Disir

_**A/N:** This was the chapter which was hardest to write of all. I had planned it from the beginning, but rewrote it time and time again until I felt like there was nothing more I could do to make it better. Hopefully it has the desired effect... _

_As always, I'm happy to know if you liked it!_

* * *

 **Chapter 15 – The Disir**

I watched them until they were out of sight. I hadn't seen them in months, only four times in all within the last year, and there was not a day that went by without me missing them. It was like I was torn from the second world I had felt at home in, only this time it was worse, because I was still there. In theory I was only hours away from Camelot. In reality, I was an outcast who would be hanged if I ever made my way back to the citadel. But still, I was responsible for the mess I created, and I wanted to set it right. I needed to set it right. I needed to know my friends were save before I left this world for good.

The necklace Gwaine had returned to me was safely hidden in one of the pockets of my dress. I hadn't tried to put it on, afraid I would be sucked out of this world right away (maybe there was a council's member who would push some buttons and I would be back for questioning before I could say 'Camelot'). Additionally, I wasn't able to look at it without feeling lost and alone, so I almost never took it out. Especially not at nights, when I was constantly afraid of being attacked by some mythical beast or, even worse, a man. Now that I was back to being a woman (hoping this would give me extra protection, in case they were still looking for William) I felt vulnerable.

Especially while watching my friends disappear between the trees.

While I had waited for them to return to Camelot, I had almost run into Gwaine and Percival, who had been talking worriedly about Mordred. Even the mere mention of that name made my skin crawl. The knight had joined Arthur's army a few weeks after I had fled from the citadel, and until now, I had never seen him.

He was younger than I pictured him in my mind, smiling, boyishly, beardless, and, apparently, best friends with the inseparables. I felt jealous the moment I saw him, feeling like he had taken my place with them, but then I pushed the thought aside. For all they knew, I was a liar and an impostor, and for the one who knew the truth, he believed me to have withdrawn to my own world. It was somehow natural they would forget me or stop talking about me after more than a year. Maybe they even pretended I never existed.

* * *

I hadn't been sure what to do after I fled the castle. I only knew I would not leave my friends now. Maybe there was still a chance that by withdrawing and stopping to meddle with the King and his court directly, I might be able to stop my presence to mess with the time line any more. It had seemed like the only possible choice anyway, seeing that I wouldn't be able to return to the city and live to tell the tale.

The only person who knew about me staying was Gaius. It took me a lot of pleading with an unknowing tinker (I had no money at all with me then), but the man was kind and thought me a wretched beggar, so he delivered a letter of explanation to the physician.

Gaius had sent me word three times about how things were going at the castle – the last time deeply worried about the Disir's message to Arthur. Only when I read the name, I remembered the creepy messengers of the triple goddess and formed part of a plan in my mind.

After all, I had an important question to ask of them. With a bit of luck, they might just answer it.

* * *

I entered the Disir's cave carefully and slowly. I had left my sword outside, and without its familiar weight on my waist, I felt even more naked than before. I had to watch my step because the ground was uneven, and mind my head because of all the magic-sacred-thingys hanging from the cave ceiling. I was careful not to disturb them.

The deeper I got in, the colder it got, and I was soon shivering in my thin dress, wishing to be back outside in the unusually warm spring sun.

Finally I reached the mouth of the tunnel, where it widened into a cave. It took me quite some time to discern the dark-blue clad women in the semi-darkness. They were standing together in one corner, in almost inaudible conversation with each other.

If they were noticing my presence, they ignored it.

I stood in awkward silence until suddenly one of them made a strange, sniffling sound (not unlike the one the ring-wraiths made in Lord of the Rings) and they turned around in perfect unison, so fast I could hardly believe it. I couldn't see much of their faces, only their mouths, the rest was shadowed by their hoods. The one on the left showed her teeth and it looked more like the snarl of an animal and not much like a human facial expression.

"Who are you?", the one on the right asked, clutching her staff tightly.

"My name is... Was William of Camelot", I answered, not because I wanted to lie to them, but because the question took me by surprise. After all, the goddess was praised as the one knowing everything, wasn't she?

"You speak the truth", the one in the middle murmured and added, like she had an afterthought, "but you are also dishonest."

"What brings you here?", another one asked.

I made a bow, feeling like it was expected of me, and said: "I have a question I need answered."

"We will answer your question, but only if you answer ours in return."

I nodded my agreement, wondering what they wanted to know of me, when the left hooded figure, who had kept her silence until now, hissed: "Tell us what you have in your pocket, 'William'."

Somehow her voice differed from the other two, and when she pointed to me, her fingers were shaking.

In reflex, I raised my hand to the necklace.

Funnily enough, a tiny voice in my head screamed 'we hates it forever!', remembering another thing hidden in a pocket. The thought distracted me, so it took me a few seconds to answer the question.

"It's a device that enables one to move between different universes."

"It is surrounded by strange magic. Very powerful magic", she muttered, as if to herself, and then pointed at me again: "Give it to us."

"You haven't answered my question yet!"

"It does not belong here. Give it to us", they repeated, speaking as one.

It took me the length of two heartbeats to decide. I handed the necklace over, then made another bow, wondering if I had just given away my only save way out of this world.

The three women all inspected the necklace thoroughly before turning back to me.

"So it is you", one of them exclaimed, clearly outraged, pointing an accusing finger toward me, "who has double-crossed the goddess' biddings! You who clouded our vision for this long!"

"You do not belong here", the left one added. Her voice had a menacing edge.

Then, like they were chanting, they all spoke in unison again, the cave echoing with their voices: "The goddess knows all. She sees all. She provides for all who live the ways of the old religion. And we are the ones who serve her. We carry out her orders. We speak her judgement."

There were moments of uncomfortable silence after this outburst. Then the one in the middle hissed: "Ask your question, girl."

"Is Mordred destined to kill Arthur or is their another way?", I asked, my voice quivering, because I was sure that I already knew the answer. But I needed to try anyway, I needed to give him a chance. Maybe there was a way how I could not only save Mordred and Arthur, but also myself.

The woman on the right threw the necklace at my feet without making a sound, and the cloaked figure in the middle said, with her voice back to emotionless: "The magic you have brought into our world is strong, but is it stronger than the greatest destiny of all? The goddess has seen into the future and has judged your beloved King. He has but one chance to escape his fate, but even now that you are here, he is on the edge of sealing it forever. Do you really believe _you_ could save him? Save your friends? Save Camelot? You can't even save yourself!"

The one on the left started talking the second the woman in the middle closed her mouth: "You call yourself tale-changer, but you do not know what you did to this world. It is unravelling because of you. Either you leave for good, or stay here and see its destruction. You are powerless. There is nothing you can do."

"Nothing! Nothing!", the other two echoed. And then they started to laugh, a horrible, crazy laugh which echoed from the cave walls and repeated itself over and over again. Suddenly I was sure I heard four women laugh, not only three, and felt like someone was forcing their way directly to my heart with the intention of crushing it.

I stooped **,** picked up my necklace, turned and ran. I fled as fast and far as I could, not caring any more about stumbling and falling in the cave or disturbing the magic thingys. The sun was gone by the time I crawled out of the cave, but still I felt the urge to get away from there. I stopped only when my legs gave way beneath me. I collapsed against a tree somewhere in the middle of the woods, in total darkness.

 _This world is unravelling. There is nothing you can do._


	17. Sudden Movement

_**A/N** : This chapter is bad. I mean, really bad. As in bad stuff happens. And it is slightly longer than the others, too... - I apologize in advance and promise it'll get better!_

* * *

 **Chapter 16 – Sudden Movement**

I opened the door to the shed and upon entering was greeted with the by now familiar smell of goat and cow droppings **,** animal fur,hayand straw. The calm-looking, white goat (which in secret I called Percy), stared at me through its creepy, slit pupils, but by now I had gotten used to that, too.

While I started to milkPercy, I closed my eyes and wished myself to be somewhere else. Don't misunderstand me: Staying with the old, widowed farmer's wife, her cow, goat, and chickens was a huge step up from sleeping in the woods (or rather, not sleeping), but still, I wished – well, anything but this.

At least I was able to sleep near a fire in the night (I even had two blankets, a sure sign the woman was very fond of me by now), feeling safer than I had for months. But even though people in the small village were friendly enough to an 'orphaned' girl, more than willing to work for something to eat and somewhere to sleep in the night, I still feared for something to happen. I woke every night trembling after another nightmare. More often than not those included staff-holding figures, shadows moving in the dark, eyes flashing gold, mouths speaking without anything attached to them and dark caves full of cackling laughter, remembering me time and time again that I was a constant danger to everything, especially the townsfolk.

But I would've gone crazy if I'd stayed out in the woods for another day.

I carried the bucket, half-filled with Percy's milk, to the door and opened it. I made about three steps when something or someone knocked me over forcefully. I had a split second to think _I'm going to spill the milk_ before I hit the ground and everything went black.

* * *

I awoke to confusion and a splitting headache. It took me several seconds to figure out how to open my eyes and even longer until I was able to process what I saw.

The house in which I had stayed for almost three months was burning. The shed was nothing more than blackened walls by now, and I vaguely wondered what had happened to Percy. The whole village was devoured by flames. I could see people running around, trying to extinguish the flames, dark figures against the red. They were obviously fighting a lost cause, though.

I sat up carefully and when there was no feeling of dizziness, I stood up, wondering what had happened and what had set the houses aflame.

It didn't take long for me to find out. The moment I was standing, I felt something which felt rather familiar pressed to my back. Someone hissed: "I wouldn't move now if I were you, girl."

Frozen with shock, I stayed where I was.

I heard people laugh, then the neighing of a horse, and then riders, I counted thirty in all, galloped in the direction of the people trying to save their houses. I saw swords, heard screams and found that I couldn't watch what happened, so I closed my eyes.

It felt like a long time had passed in which there was nothing but the smell of smoke, screams of terrified people running, screams of terrified people being captured, screams of terrified people being cut down.

Despite all what had happened to me in this world until now, this was the worst moment of them all, because I wasn't able to do anything. _At least it's not your fault now,_ a tiny voice in my head whispered, making me feel even more useless, tiny and frightened.

In retrospect I guess I could've tried something. I had, after all, been a knight for quite some time, and had gotten out of worse situations than this before. It wasn't the first time someone held a sword to my back, either. But all I could do was cry, tremble, concentrate on not fainting and keep breathing.

And then finally it was over.

The men on the horses reappeared. Their faces were flushed, most of them were laughing. At least one of them was sitting on his horse like he was really drunk or hurt badly; one horse was riderless. But the townsfolk were, for all I knew, all dead.

I felt the sword-tip move, but before I could try anything (which would certainly have resulted in me being killed) the man holding the sword moved to stand directly in front of me. He was a head shorter than me, bald, with a shaggy beard, bad teeth, which showed because he was smiling greedily, and filthy clothes. The way he looked at me sent a shiver down my spine.

Before he could say anything, though, one of the riders, a tall man with his sword still dripping blood, walked over. It was obvious by the way shaggy-beard cringed before him that he was the leader of the gang and, as I realised in this moment, the only thing standing between me and... who knew what.

He seized me up carefully, keeping a straight face, taking his time, and then nodded at his minion. Shaggy-beard tied my hands in front of me and then dragged me toward the horses where, as I now could see, four other girls from the village were standing too. I felt the need to comfort them in some way, but couldn't think of anything. My insides had gone numb.

* * *

A day passed. Another one. Then a week. Another week. The gang was on the run, and they liked it. Whenever they found a village small enough, they attacked; preferably, as they did in the village I had come from, in the early morning hours when nobody expected an attack. Sometimes they took other women, sometimes they didn't. We had to walk on foot, guarded by four men with swords and bows. In the nights they tied us to trees, so tightly it was hard to sleep at all. Sometimes the leader came and took a woman with him. Sometimes she didn't return. More than once his glance passed over me and then moved on. It was always someone else he took with him, and I was glad about it. I knew it was disgusting to feel this way, even then, but I couldn't help it.

After a while I stopped counting the days and reduced my thoughts and my whole being to simply exist and stay that way till the next morning.

* * *

I awoke with a start in the middle of the night, feeling exhausted and cold. I tried to pierce the fogginess in my head to remember what had woken me. Then I heard the sound again: A soft tinkling sound, which was familiar, then a snap, giving me another hint. Then nothing for a few seconds. I sat up and listened concentrated, staring into the darkness with wide eyes, not wanting to miss anything. And then all hell broke loose.

The night was suddenly alight with torches and people yelling. The bandits were taken by surprise and I felt some kind of deep satisfaction in me that they got what they deserved.

The women around me were screaming in surprise or fear and tried to get loose, but I knew the knots were tied expertly and the ropes were too thick to damage them without a weapon.

I knew that from many a night's experience.

We were tied to trees some way off the camp, as usually, but after a few minutes I heard people coming. They had found us. The guards tried to flee, but were killed within minutes.

In the torchlight I saw swords glittering and chain-mail shirts. Then I saw a red cloak with a golden dragon emblazoned on it.

My heart skipped a beat and then started to beat wildly. I knew they were going to free us – but was someone with them I knew? Merlin? Arthur? Or someone else?

But I spotted nobody I knew. Coming to think of it, it was only logically none of them were on their way to free prisoners. They would be where the battle was thickest, naturally.

* * *

It wasn't hard to get away from the small group of wailing, crying women, expressing their thanks in wordiness or just sitting by the trees in shock. I slipped away at the first convenient moment, because I didn't want to run into any of my former friends. I couldn't bear to imagine what they would think of me if they found me here, like this. Getting imprisoned again to finally get executed would definitely be the option I'd rather chose than to see Gwaine's despising look on me.

* * *

I trekked for half a day to the south, brining as much land as possible between the Camelot patrol and me. I passed a landmark on the way and knew that I was in Nemeth now. My heart sunk at the thought of having left Camelot after all, but otherwise I was feeling better with every step I took. The exhaustion was gone, my headache bearable, and the pure feeling of freedom was enough to get over part of my past experiences and keep me going.

My subconscious would surely add new images to my nightmares, though, but still, I was free.

I reached a broad stream and after drinking until I was full, dipped my head in. The water was cold, but refreshing. I looked down at my ripped dress, shrugged and pulled it over my head to at least try and get some of the filth out of it. Then I washed myself and felt wonderful afterwards.

The sun was warm enough to dry off the dress within an hour, so I could pull it on again and took up my walk once more, this time following the stream.

When I ran across a bush with berries, I stopped and ate them, slowly, one at a time. They were sweet and juicy, and while I ate I was at the brink of tears just because they tasted so good.

I made camp at the side of the river this night and, despite having feared for nightmares, slept soundly through it out of mere exhaustion. The next morning I resumed my walk at a brisk pace while trying not to think about my lack of destination.

After an hour of walking, while I stopped to appease my thirst, I suddenly noticed movement on the other side of the stream. I jumped up, ready to start running – but stopped the moment I saw who had made the movement.

A number of feelings were crossing his face within moments after seeing me. In the end, he simply looked confused and unsure of what his own eyes were telling him.

"Will?!"

We stood like this for what felt like eternity – I on the one end of the stream, Merlin on the other.


	18. Straight into a trap

_**A/N:**_ _Another chapter without much dialogue but with a lot of looking, staring, and wondering!_ _Yay!_

 _I do hope you enjoy it anyway – I can promise some real action for the next chapter, though, so bear with me!_

 _(Can you even imagine how much I'm looking forward to the next one? ^^)_

* * *

 **Chapter 17 – Straight into a trap**

Wondering if I was supposed to stay or run, I stared at the warlock. Another minute passed. Then he made a movement like he wanted to cross the stream, but was stopped by someone calling his name. I knew the voice, it was Gaius', and he sounded impatient.

The gangly young man seemed to remember what he had come to the stream for, knelt down and filled an empty skin of water without taking his eyes off of me, but neither of us seemed to know what to say. Or do.

When Gaius called again, Merlin slowly turned and walked away without looking back. It was obvious he was giving me a choice either to go or to follow him. How much had Gaius told him? Or Gwaine? They were close, but had the knight told anyone what he had done for me that night? He must believe me to have left this world, so what would be the harm in telling Merlin? But somehow I doubted Gwaine had spoken to anyone about that.

My heart was beating faster with every moment. A battle was raging inside me – they were so close. I should go to them. I wanted to go to them. But I couldn't. Or could I? _Should_ I?

In the end, the longing got the better of me. I could surely risk a quick glance without being spotted, to make sure they were okay. I wondered what they were doing in Nemeth and why they were dragging Gaius along: The old man left the castle so rarely since Merlin had come to Camelot it must have been something special to have him here, in enemy country. And they way he had sounded, something had definitely gone wrong.

* * *

I thought I knew what was going on when I saw the ruins, but on a second, closer look, I was at a loss. Merlin was all right, walking around, fetching things for Gaius. I caught him looking around every few minutes, trying not to appear suspicious, but, as we all well know, that's not one of Merlin's strengths. Luckily no one was paying him much attention.

Gaius was working on someone lying on the ground, hidden behind one of the crumbled walls from my sight. Apart from Merlin and Gaius, the place was empty but for Leon, who was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, looking alarmed. My heart clenched at the thought who might be the patient, so I decided to move around the ruin carefully to get a better look. I moved slowly, deliberately, so as not to snap a single twig on the earth or brush against any bush and create a sound which might give away my position.

"Leon", I heard Gaius say in his calm, commanding physician-voice, "we need some more firewood, please."

Leon, appearing to be happy to be of use, left the ring of crumbled walls and walked over to the wood to gather sticks. Naturally, he was coming directly at me.

I tried to move back as quickly and quietly as possible, but as I was trying to look behind me at the same time as keeping an eye on the knight, I tripped over a tree root and fell, creating more noise than necessary to alarm Leon.

If we had been on Camelot's soil, he would've called out something like: 'Who goes there? Reveal yourself!', as I had heard him do on more than a few occasions, but we were in Nemeth and, if I was piecing the story together correctly, on the way to rescue King Rodor. Or something like that, at least, so he drew his sword very slowly instead, looking around anxiously and then starting to move forward, one step at a time.

It wasn't so much a decision I made but a hunch I was following: I stood up again, wincing slightly since I had hurt myself in falling, and simply said: "Leon."

The knight started at his name, hurrying over to where I stood, his sword raised, ready to fight. I still think it was impressive how his grip on the sword never wavered once he saw me, even though his eyes showed how surprised he was.

"I'm here to help", I continued, raising my hands to signal surrender.

The knight stared at me without lowering his sword and I vaguely wondered if that would keep happening whenever I met any of my former friends: Staring without saying anything.

But maybe this was how I would've reacted, too, if it had been the other way round?

"The Queen gave order to kill you on sight", he finally managed, his weapon still hovering between us, by now closer to my chest than I would have liked.

I nodded and waited for him to decide on what to do – it was too late to run, and I had suspected Gwen to say something like this, being under Morgana's spell and everything.

"Leon! What's taking you so long?" Merlin was making his way through the wood, coming ever closer to us. The moment he reached us, Leon lowered the sword. He was looking tired, like he had fought a difficult battle and wasn't happy with the outcome.

The warlock didn't so much as acknowledge my presence, but gestured back to the ruins: "Gaius _really_ needs more wood."

Leon nodded, gave me a wary look, and then resumed the task of gathering firewood.

Meanwhile, Merlin gave me one of his smiles (until then I hadn't known how much I'd missed them).

"You should come back with me."

* * *

Gaius only raised an eyebrow when he saw Merlin returning with me, but didn't say anything about my sudden appearance, and he wasn't staring either. Instead, he gestured to the man lying in the corner: "Do you have an idea what is happening?"

My eyes darted over to Merlin: "Gaius has told me about who you are."

I couldn't suppress a sigh, not sure if it was one out of relief or disappointment, and knelt down beside Elyan, who was lying motionless, seemingly unconscious. The knight was breathing shallow and uneven and his face was ashen.

"I think I do know", I answered Gaius, and then explained, in low tones and as short as I could about Mithian, the fake 'Hilda' and the trap waiting for Arthur. I also added my guess how Mithian had tried to warn the King through Elyan, who had been bewitched by Morgana. I also described what Gaius had done to heal Merlin in the original story-line.

The warlock, who was listening with rapt attention, thought intently for a few minutes after I had finished before he knelt down beside me and whispered something with a solemn face.

I had never before looked at him directly when he performed a spell, and realised with a shudder how different he looked when he was doing magic. Almost like he was two different persons, I mused, and then, when Elyan made a low groan, I shook the thought and tore my gaze away from Merlin.

Gwen's brother blinked against the light, confused, and then his gaze steadied itself on Merlin's face: "We need to get to Arthur. He's walking straight into a trap!"

* * *

 _ **Another A/N**_ _: Also, thanks to_ _ **AndreKl**_ _,_ _whose latest fanfiction definitely inspired the sentence about Merlin appearing like two persons (Merlin & Emrys, if you haven't guessed it already). It's not my idea; and I never saw it that way before reading your fanfic; but now it's got stuck in my head. But it is not my idea, so I __felt_ _the need to tell you guys._

 _So do check out_ **Merlin - a memorable quotes review** _if your interested (it's really good!)_


	19. At least one of them

**Chapter 18 – At least one of them**

Elyan got up, wincing because he was obviously in pain, but he stopped dead when he noticed me. Than, much to my surprise and delight, his face lit up while he exclaimed: "You're back!" Next moment, he hugged me, almost dragging me down to the ground with him.

I would never have expected this reaction from Elyan, especially since his sister had sentenced me to death.

"I always knew it couldn't have been you", he grinned and then, remembering that there was something more important than catching up to do, he stood up, swaying from side to side for a moment, and though he said: "I'm all right", we continued to stare at him worriedly.

Meanwhile Leon had returned. I was pretty sure he was more than a bit relieved to see Elyan up and about, but his mind was already occupied with the problem at hand: "What do you mean, a trap?"

"I'll explain it while we walk", Elyan exclaimed and gestured to the woods: "We really need to hurry."

* * *

Elyan explained what had happened to him in a few sentences – but it wasn't the way I expected things to be. By now, this wasn't surprising me any more. Things had a tendency to go sideways since the day I got here, so why shouldn't they now.

Elyan told us how Hilda had spoken to him in private, warning him of a trap for Arthur and the knights and urging him to arrest Mithian, who was in reality Morgana, but before he had made it back to camp, he had been attacked by Mithian, or rather, Morgana, using her powers to keep him from talking.

* * *

Gaius had stayed at the ruins so that we could move faster. Leon had given him his spare sword, but the old physician had handed it over to me without a word. The knight had looked like he wanted to protest, but when Elyan again told us to hurry up, Leon had given in, but while we walked, he kept glancing back at me with a wary expression.

I felt the need to ask Elyan why he was so happy to see me, so I caught up with him and asked: "Why would you think that I am innocent?" I felt my upper lip quiver. "I even fled from the dungeons... Wouldn't you say that was confession enough I was guilty?"

Elyan slowly shook his head and answered: "Gwen was far too distraught over Arthur's poisoning to think straight, and I know we too had been sparring that day and you cut me, but I was feeling great. I tried to tell her, but she never listened." He made a pause and then added thoughtfully: "Normally she does."

I gave him a curious look, wondering whether he had noticed something off about her.

"I was relieved you made it out of the cells. I doubt even after Arthur got better a few days later that Gwen would've revoked the sentence."

I said nothing, in case he would also speak about the fact that I was a woman, but before he could, Leon called his name. Elyan slapped me on the back and gave me a genuine smile which I returned, hoping he could see the relief that at least one of the knights still believed in me in my eyes, and then he hurried over to Leon.

Merlin, who was now walking beside me, kept asking questions in a barely audible whisper. He wanted to know where I had been, what I had been doing, why I was in Nemeth, but I couldn't answer any of them. After a while, he fell silent, and I could see him look at me time and time again. He was looking worried, with this special Merlin expression which said: _I_ _need_ _to find a way to fix you._ I didn't know why it bothered me so much, but I wanted him to stop thinking this way. He had enough trouble already, and adding my sanity or well-being to keeping Arthur save (this was, after all, his destiny) felt wrong, but I wasn't sure how to tell him to stop. Or if I really wanted him to.

* * *

It happened by pure accident – neither of us was sure of the way any more, and without Percival (who was the best tracker, on whom we normally relied), we had to walk more after what our guts told us than what we knew (especially since it just so happens that Percival also is great on _covering_ tracks), but we had luck and ran across a track that no one had felt the need to hide. We all agreed that this might be Odin's men – since Odin had seized Nemeth, there was no need to hide, except from Arthur, but as the false Mithian was directing his every step to Lothar's tomb, they wouldn't have taken this route.

We followed the track as fast as possible, with our swords drawn and ready for action at any second. I expected a stray soldier or a whole score of Odin's men to suddenly jump out of the underbrushes, but again, we were lucky.

We stopped feeling that way the moment Merlin caught sight of something red lying in a blackberry thicket some way off the track. It was one of Arthur's knights. He had been killed by several blows with a sword and then simply left behind. They didn't even make sure if he was dead, as was obvious by a track of blood leading away from the trail. He had still been alive and tried to get out of sight, get more cover under the thicket, or maybe he was looking for help, but in the end he had had no chance. I didn't know him, but Merlin, Leon and Elyan did. They looked shaken, but continued to press on, since we had no time to loose.

Not long after we found three other knights, all dead. "They were slaughtered", Merlin managed to say after he had examined them hurriedly, "and look", he pointed to their wrists, which were tied together, "they had already taken them as prisoners. They killed them _after_ they had surrendered."  
The warlock, whose face was pale, rose to his feet. We stood beside the bodies for a few seconds and then, like one man, we started moving again, even faster than before.

* * *

It wasn't long till we could hear people, not far before us. We moved to the side of the path instantly to get more cover and followed them, even more carefully.

To my right it looked like the earth suddenly stopped. There was a steep decentwhich abruptly turned into a cliff about a hundred meters farther on. A long way down I could see a river and – a sentence popped into my head: _The tomb lies just east of the river._

On my sharp intake of breath, Merlin turned around and looked enquiringly at me.

I gestured to the ruin we could just about see through the foliage of trees. His eyes widened.

Turning, he grabbed hold of Elyan's arm: "Look! It's the tomb!"

"But the patrol is turning to the west", the Knight whispered, "what if Arthur and the others are with them, too?"

"Arthur will be at the tomb", I said with certainty, "Odin will want to deal with him personally and Morgana is leading them there."

"We'll split up", Leon decided. "I'll follow the patrol and you'll go to the tomb."

"Are you sure?", I asked worriedly. He stared at me with a puzzled expression, like he still wasn't sure whose side I was on. I didn't blame him, but I wished it could be like it was before. Leon had always trusted me, earlier than Elyan or Percival. _But t_ _his_ _was more_ _than a year ago_ , something inside me whispered.

"I am sure", he simply answered and then turned away before anyone could say goodbye.

* * *

We finally reached the tomb. It was bigger than I expected, a big building, made out of square stone-blocks covered with moss. In front of the entrance two soldiers were standing guard, but shortly after we arrived, they were distracted by a couple of bushes moving without any wind going – just like magic.

Merlin, on noticing my raised eyebrow, gave me a proud grin.

It wasn't hard to knock the two guards out when they moved past our hiding place.

Then we entered Lothar's tomb.


	20. Too faint to catch

**Chapter 19 – Too faint to catch**

The air inside the tomb was pleasantly cold compared to the outside, but smelling of decay. A shiver went down my spine while we slowly moved forward – the tunnel was very narrow and more than once I had the feeling the ceiling was only inches from my head. But I couldn't make sure how high it really was, as we had not dared to light a torch and moved in absolute darkness, feeling our way along the walls, and I wasn't courageous enough to raise my hand and feel for the ceiling.

Then we saw light ahead, the flickering of at least one torch, and heard people talking, unintelligible at first, but then clearer and clearer, until I was able to discern Arthur's voice, and felt relief flooding in. We weren't too late, the King was still alive.

" _My fathers life – that wasn't enough?"_

" _No."_

Elyan, who was walking in the front, suddenly came to a halt: "Wait", he whispered, and continued on alone to risk a glance into the burial chamber.

" _Camelot is nothing without it's king."_

" _Then you don't know my knights. They will hunt you. And they will find you. And they will not rest until they're done."_

 _He's damn right about that,_ I thought and gritted my teeth. It was strange to hear Arthur say these words – and even stranger how proud I suddenly felt. A few hours with my friends had been enough to make me feel part of their group again, part of Camelot's knights. Fighting for the King, for Camelot, to protect what was worth protecting...

" _I will deal with your knights soon enough – but now your time has come."_

With an angry roar, not bothering to give us any warning, Elyan stormed into the burial chamber and out of our sight.

"Don't!", I managed to shout, but even while I did so, I was after him, my sword drawn. We reached the chamber and instantly were met by several of Odin's men, wildly brandishing their swords.

The only good thing in Elyan's rash move was their surprise at our sudden appearance. Before I really knew what was happening, I retreated together with Percival, who had managed to shake off his captors and had taken the sword of a fallen man, closer to one of the walls, slashing and hacking away, but the men just kept coming. We were outnumbered four to one.

Then I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a familiar, gangly shape at the entrance of the chamber, quickly retreating. I braced myself for something extraordinary to happen – but nothing did. Meanwhile, I felt my arm getting heavier and my concentration wavered. I hadn't trained properly for forever, and more than once only narrowly avoided being hit. Percival noticed my desperate situation, even though he too had his hands full with fighting off yelling men, and he moved closer to me, until we stood fighting back to back.

In the middle of fighting, it always is hard to keep up to what is happening to anyone but oneself, so I only knew that suddenly I could breathe again and that there were no men coming any more. Stunned, I turned around (I had faced the wall opposite of the entrance before).

"What took you so long?", Arthur scolded Merlin, who was standing next to him. The warlock grinned boyishly and, though he was breathing heavily and his face looked flushed, he answered: "I wanted to give you a chance to prove you could do without me – but obviously you can't."

"Merlin", Arthur said, but he wasn't sounding pissed, just tired and more than a bit relieved.

Only when I saw Leon hurrying over to greet Percival, I realised that the knights who had been taken by Odin's patrol had joined us – and I wondered if Merlin had gone and brought them here really fast, or if he had stopped the time in the chamber, as he had done so long ago when he saved Gaius, back when he first arrived in Camelot. Odin was being held in one corner by two of the knights, waiting for the King to deal with him. He was fighting to get loose, but the men held him firm.

Suddenly Arthur, who had been talking to Merlin in hushed tones, looked in my direction, and I jumped, startled and felt my heart skipping a beat. I tried to compose myself, though, walked over to the King and made a low bow, and stayed in that position, waiting for him to give me permission to speak... or run me through with his sword. Who knew what Gwen had told him.

"William?", he finally asked, and I could hear his bewilderment.

"Sire", I said, "if you allow me to speak, I would like to explain..."

Before he could, though, Mithian appeared from the side, arm in arm with her father, and at a short nod of Arthur's, I retreated to let them speak with each other. It seemed like a miracle they hadn't been hurt in the fight.

With the sudden, uncomfortable feeling of having forgotten something, I looked around, trying to find Morgana's too well-known face, but couldn't. The witch had gone, had fled the melee, again. But before I could decide whether I was relieved or disappointed she wasn't amongst the dead, I noticed something else: Elyan was propped up against the stone-coffin of Lothar, with his mail-shirt torn on the left side. Blood was slowly seeping through the gash. I rushed over to him and knelt down on his side. Before I could have a look at the wound, the knight grabbed my hand and gave it a weak squeeze. His eyes had a strange, almost wild expression, but otherwise he seemed oddly calm and composed. Elyan managed to give me a weak smile and whispered something. I brought my ear closer to his mouth, but even then the words were too faint to catch. By the time I had sat up again, Elyan had stopped breathing.

A hiccoughing sob escaped my mouth, after which people finally noticed something had happened, and while I let Elyan's limp hand slip from my grip, stumbled up and retreated to the corner, the rest of the inseparables, including Gwaine, whom I hadn't seen before, Arthur, and Merlin crowded around Elyan's body, shielding it from my sight. Then I saw Gwaine lift his eyes, which were full of tears, and find mine over the heads of Merlin and Percival. We looked at each other for mere seconds, then I averted my gaze and fled out of the chamber, back to the exit, back to sunlight, to get away from the King, from Elyan's body, and away from Gwaine, as fast as I could.


	21. Help

_**A/N:** Didn't want to leave you hanging there for longer than necessary, so I hurried with writing this chapter (I had quite a lot written beforehand, again, so it wasn't that hard.) I'm so, so sorry for last chapter... Please don't hate me? _

_Anyway, here you go, the first chapter I uploaded from the university!_

* * *

 **Chapter 20 – Help**

I stopped just outside of the tomb, where the air still reeked of blood and despair. My mind tried to register the fact that Elyan was dead. Elyan, who had been my friend through it all, who had known I was innocent and had tried to tell this to his crazed sister. I remembered the numb feeling which had taken over my mind after a while back when I was the bandits' prisoner, and wished it back with all my heart, because now every breath brought pain, every thought felt like a sharp splinter. Elyan was dead. He had died, just like that, so fast. There had not been any dramatic music swelling in the background and he hadn't looked like a fallen hero, he had looked like a person who was afraid to die. And there had been no goodbye, again, because his time had run out too fast.

My thoughts were moving in a loop as I tried to figure out whose fault this mess was, and they kept coming up with two names. One was Morgana, who had plotted against Arthur, who had led him here, who had whispered ideas into Odin's head, who had turned Gwen around. The other name was my own, not 'Sir William', but my birth name. The name of the tale-changer who should've prevented things like this to happen. I never should have become a changer at all, I had known I would suck at it, like I always did. And if I hadn't succumbed to the promises of the council, I'd still be working in that coffee shop, but at least there wouldn't be any blood on my hands.

"Will?"

I didn't turn round to Gwaine, who must have followed me to the outside. His voice sounded tired and worn-out, and I wondered whether he had been hurt during the fighting. I inspected the scars at my left wrist which the ropes of the bandits had inflicted and waited for the knight to go away again.

"Will", he repeated, "wait. Talk to me, let me help."

I snorted and turned around with more force than necessary, staggered and almost fell, but managed to say: "I had people before, too, you know? I had friends", my voice wavered, because I could see their faces before my inner eye clearer than I had for a long time – Robin, Much, Allan, John... - "I had people I _loved_ ", I closed my eyes, in a feeble try to not see Guy's face, but it was still there, hovering at the edge of my mind, "and they knew everything about me. Literally everything, more than you do, more than Gaius does. They wanted to help me too, and I wanted them to, so I let them, endangering everything for them. And still I lost them, Gwaine, I was sucked out of their world. I'm done with that. I'm done with feelings and relationships and all the crappy stuff connected to them, I'm done with not saying goodbye." Gwaine frowned, but I didn't care that he might not understand my modern-day-speech. My meaning was clear enough even if I had spoken in old Norse. Which I actually could've.

"I don't want this any more – I want everything over and done with." I paused, trying to regain breath, but wasn't able to keep silent for long: "You know what?", I hissed, feeling anger boiling up inside of me: "I'm so sick of the waiting and skulking around! The longer I wait, the more people will get killed. There's only one way to stop Morgana. I'm not giving her any more chances."

Gwaine stared at me with his mouth wide open. I started to cry and wasn't sure if it was because I was loosing myself, or because I had given up hope when Elyan stopped breathing, or because I was angry, but it made me all the more furious.

"I will", I continued, my voice raising into a hysteric scream, "not wait for Camlann to happen! I will not wait for the Nathair to do their work, I will not stay put and watch Camelot fall. There will be no more deaths I'll be responsible for. I won't – I just won't."

Then I started off into the direction of the woods.

 _I will find Morgana. And when I do, I will kill her, no matter the cost. She's done enough._

A small part in me begged me to stop and think, to remember what I had planned before, to remember that I was not some killing-machine, that maybe I had to give her a chance, but the far bigger part of my being simply shut the other one down with its fury. _I will not see Arthur die._ _Or anyone else._ _There are enough people dead as it is, deaths_ _that_ _I could've prevented. I'm a tale-changer. I could be the saving grace for all these people. And I will be. No matter the cost._

"Will!"

I made about fifty steps until Gwaine caught up to me. Grabbing my arm, he spun me round so that I had to face him. He was furious, a sudden change to the sadness he had displayed before over Elyan's death, and I wondered why he wouldn't understand it was the only possible way.

The knight stared at me for a few seconds, shaking with anger, and then he slapped me in the face. Now It was my turn to stare at him, wide-eyed and in disbelief. My fingers shook as I instinctively touched my burning cheek.

" _You_ need to listen now, Will", Gwaine began to talk, very fast, with his voice hoarse and face flushed with anger: "You need to stop this sulking around, this feeling sorry for yourself and the whole mess you're in. We have all lost people before, we have lost friends, but do you see us just giving up? Because this is what you're doing: You are one a kamikaze mission, trying to stop something you have no control over, with no regard for your own safety, and sooner or later you'll get yourself killed. Is this what you want? Getting killed so you can tell yourself: 'I'm not the one who left'?"

I was too stunned to even shake my head. Or nod. I wasn't sure about that any more.

"You pretend it's all because of us, but you're wrong: You stopped thinking about us a long time ago. The second you decided it was _you_ who had the power to shape _our_ destinies you betrayed us. The way I see it, you have forgotten a small detail in your whole 'I need to save all of Camelot'-enterprise. You can't do this on your own, and nobody asked you to. Why would you think people expect you to save everything without assistance? Who said you couldn't have friends? A life, here, in this world, which by now I'm sure you regard as your own?"

He waited for me to answer, and after a few moments I did: "I do, but..."

"Then there is no 'but', Will! You don't have to do this on your own. A knight alone is vulnerable – but we are many. I understand why you have to keep your profession and purpose a secret here, but there are people who know, and we want to help you."

His voice softened and he looked relieved at finally having told me this much. I had never expected such an outburst from Gwaine, who was, after all, the one who only joked around, got drunk every second night and was eating apples at every possibly inconvenient moment – but here he was, so obviously different from what I had believed him to be. Even after being his friend for years. Even after knowing how much he dared to do to keep his friends save, I had again underestimated him.

"Maybe", he continued, "things will change, maybe they won't. Maybe they'll get worse, or everything works out in the end. In any case, you have given us another chance to set things right. _You_ don't change our destinies. We do."

A small part of my mind told me what Gwaine said was sensible. Another, bigger part, repeated lessons of the council: _You are the changer. You need to take the steps. You need to stop at the right moment. It's your call, and you have been prepared for it._

"None of this is on you", the knight added.

"I should've stopped him", I burst out.

"You couldn't have", Gwaine murmured sadly and then gave me half a smile: "You know he always got his way in the end." The smile didn't reach his eyes. "None of this was your fault."

The part of my brain reminding me of the council's rules melted away at his words. I nodded slowly and felt new tears running down my cheeks.

"I'm afraid", I finally whispered, adding silently _afraid to loose you if I let you chose your own way..._

We moved at the same time, ending up in a tight embrace, giving comfort to each other. We had both lost a friend today, and it felt like nothing would ever be the same again. Gwaine rested his chin on top of my head, holding me close. I could hear his heart beat in his chest, fast and still angry, while his voice sounded like it was broken: "So am I", he whispered, "but we'll do this together."

 **End of Part 2**

* * *

 _ **A/N:** I do not approve of people slapping one another, but this is Camelot (actully its Nemeth, but you know what I mean...) and I also believe this was overdue to bring Will back to her senses._


	22. The benefit of the doubt

**Chapter 21 – The benefit of the doubt**

Gwaine loosened his arms around me when we could hear steps coming closer. Percival and Leon left the tomb. While Leon looked shaken, with red-rimmed eyes and dishevelled hair, Percival seemed composed and calm, but one look into his eyes told me he felt the loss of his friends as intensely as the others did. As we did.

None of us knew what to say, and so we stood quietly, Gwaine close to me, one arm still around my shoulders, until Merlin and Arthur arrived. Neither of them looked better than Leon.

"William", Arthur commanded and gestured to the woods. Again, I felt my body stiffen and I needed a few moments before I was able to follow him.

* * *

The King stopped a few metres into the wood and waited for me. His face was expressionless while he looked me up and down. I can only imagine what I must have looked like – meagre, with a haunted look, bags under my eyes, scars on my wrists and ankles from the ropes I had been tied with, dressed in rags, with long, tangled hair.

I had no idea what to suspect, and I was strangely aware that the knights and the warlock were staring at us, back from the tomb.

Arthur sighed and opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but then thought better of it and resumed his looking at me. His stare made me feel like I was naked. After a few minutes had passed, I couldn't take it any longer.

"I am deeply sorry I tried to deceive you, Sire." While I had wanted my voice to sound steady and calm, it was shaking with emotion and sounded weird in my ears. Arthur lifted his eyes from my bare, filthy, scarred feet to my face.

"I regret ever having lied to any of you about who I am and where I came from, I – All I ever wanted was to be a Knight, to protect those who can't protect themselves, to keep Camelot save, even if the price were my own life. I would never, ever hurt you, or the Queen, or the knights. I swear I never tried to kill you and I never would. If I really had wanted to, I could have killed you many times before, in countless situations where no one would ever suspect I had any doing in it. You are my King, Sire, and you will be, for as long as I'm alive."

I knelt down before him and bowed my head while I waited for him to speak, again. I had said my piece, and now all there was was to wait for him to decide what to do with me.

Arthur sighed again and then he extended his hand toward me: "I believe you", he said. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up.

"You are hereby cleared from all charges against your person. I allow you to return to Camelot. You are free to do as you wish", I felt a smile of relief forming on my face, "but as you have lied to me", his eyes flickered to my chest, "you are from now on no longer a Knight."

While a hollow, disappointed feeling quenched my relief, I nodded. It was only fair – after all, I had deceived them. They would never again be able to trust me whole-heartedly, and it was my fault.

"Thank you", I whispered, and he gave me a tiny nod before returning to the tomb.

* * *

At first, I had wanted to make my way back to Camelot myself, but Merlin and Gwaine persuaded me to come with them, reminding me I had promised to let them help me.

We slowly made our way back to the ruins, hindered by Rodor, who was very weak and constantly needed help, and the dead knights we brought with us. There was Elyan, as well as the four knights we had found on our way to the tomb and three other knights who had fallen in the burial chamber.

We didn't stay at the ruins for longer than necessary, but set out to return to Camelot as soon as the stretchers with the dead had been tied to the now riderless horses and Rodor had been looked at by Gaius.

Meanwhile, the knights kept their distance from me and continued to give me wary looks and so I was more than just a bit thankful when Percival suddenly came over and hugged me. He never said anything, but as far as I could judge, that meant he was happy I was back and in one piece. I could only hope, though, that he had begun to forgive me.

I kept close to Gaius, Gwaine and Merlin on the ride back to Camelot, and Gaius' careful questions finally made me tell them about the last few months. When I finished, no one spoke for a long time.

Gaius suggested later, and I was sure he mostly did it for me to have something I could think about: "As you no longer have work in Camelot and no place to stay, I thought I would offer you a position as my assistant."

Merlin and Gwaine, who noticed my indecision, urged me to say yes, and I did after some consideration – I was with people who knew about me, able to keep an eye on them as well as they could do the same for me, and I would still be quite close to Arthur and Gwen.

* * *

It was close to two in the morning when we saw the lights of the city blink through the trees and another thirty minutes until we reached the gate which was, on Arthur's word, opened for us. A shiver went down my spine when we rode through the streets which were once so familiar and now felt strange somehow.

When we reached the citadel, I had a bad feeling I couldn't explain and wished I could still turn and run.

Even when we rode into the courtyard, it was obvious something had happened. Knights in full armour, on full alert were moving around us and out of the citadel in quick march. Arthur dismounted first, followed closely by the rest of us, and hurried to the citadel's entrance. When he reached the lowest step, Guinevere came out of the castle and flung her arms around him.

I was with Merlin and Gaius, the latter of whom had his hand laid on my shoulder for support, and quite close after the King, so that in passing, we heard her say: "... Mordred's gone, Arthur. He escaped from the dungeons shortly after she was hanged. It's almost like he's vanished. The guards searched as far as the river already, but there's no sign of him."

We all stopped at the same time.

Arthur shook his head repeatedly, shock and disbelief written plainly all over his face, while Gwen kept talking. I felt Gaius' hand tighten on my shoulder, and Merlin's face got whiter every second. When our eyes met, I could see how shaken he was.

While we had been in Nemeth, Kara must have been brought before the Queen on the charge of murder, had been found guilty and was hanged. And after that, Mordred had fled from the dungeons, using sorcery. By now he must be on his way to join Morgana, surely blaming Arthur and Merlin, even though they hadn't even been there to help.

While the information was slowly sinking in, the Queen had stopped talking. Arthur, shaking his head once more, took her hand in his and pointed to the stretchers on which the dead were lying. Because we were a few steps behind the King, I could clearly see Gwen's face. The Hollow Queen did hurry over to the stretcher on which her brother's body was lying, but her face had remained expressionless for a moment too long, and when she did react, it looked forced, even for me.

I saw a strange expression cross over Arthur's face while he watched his wife collapsing beside Elyan, and the doubtful look in his eyes stayed, even while he walked over to join her.


	23. On

**Chapter 22 - On**

Only a few days after Elyan's burial (something I'd rather not remember) I had started to fall back into a rhythm I had established for myself back when I'd helped Gaius before, shortly after the disastrous Feast of Beltane. Gaius' rooms seemed quite crowded, now with three people eating and sleeping there, but I felt quite at home, even more than when I had my own room in the castle. Merlin had actually offered his own room to me, but I told him I would be content as long as I had a blanket and no one would set the room on fire while I slept and finally, he gave in.

The warlock was only too happy to leave some of the things he normally did to me, like running errands, buying things at the market together with the physician, and delivering his remedies to the people who needed them.

The knights kept ignoring me or even openly called me a liar and traitor, and all of them were on guard when I was close. While Merlin predicted this would cease after a while, I doubted it.

In the mornings, before starting his work for Arthur, Merlin took me to the woods to gather herbs, and there, out of earshot, he asked me about what I had done the previous year, how I had coped, what I knew about the things that had happened in Camelot while I was away. He was especially interested in my encounter with the Disir and asked me more than once what they had said to me. I was able to repeat every single word of the conversation – I had thought about their words so often I knew them by heart. When we weren't talking about my life in Camelot, we talked either about his magic, or he questioned me about the worlds I had been to before. Strangely enough, the world interesting him most was my birth world. He was fascinated beyond measure about it, just as much as I was about his magic.

There was one topic we carefully tiptoed around, though: The inevitable 'I have magic'-talk with Arthur. Whenever we came even remotelyclose to that, one of us started talking about something else entirely.

When I lay awake at night (either because I'd fallen asleep and had woken from another nightmare, or because I was afraid to sleep at all and risk dreaming about something bad), I wondered how long this life could continue.

I had a nagging feeling, a very strong, nasty one, that something was about to happen very soon.

Meanwhile, Arthur was negotiating with Odin about a truce. The King was tired of fighting and feared that, should Odin die at his hands, the feud between Odin's people and his own would continue for eternity. Odin seemed to graduallybelieve that too. Their proceedingswere, as far as I heard, thought to be successful, and Merlin told us they slowly began to lay their hatred to rest.

* * *

Then, five days after our return from Nemeth, Arthur came to talk to the physician and Merlin, alone. I left the chamber to deliver the last phials of Gaius' newly-made remedies and when I returned, the King was gone and physician and warlock were in deep conversation about the Queen. I stood at the entrance without saying anything and listened: "... finally over, their will was no longer their own. They were slaves of the High Priestesses for eternity."

Merlin, looking up from the book he had been thumbing through, saw me and gave me a tired smile. Gaius turned around and gave me a thoughtful look, but before he could say something, I decided to finally do what I came here for and actively change something: "There are three people who know what to do about Gwen's condition: Morgana, the Dochraid", the physician shifted uneasily in his chair, and I guiltily remembered my promise not to tell him anything about what would happen in the future, "and me."

While Merlin closed the book with an interested expression on his face, Gaius sighed, and then nodded towards me. I smiled thankfully at him, walked over to the table and sat down. Then I explained what would have to be done, all the while remembering that by Merlin not going to the Dochraid, Morgana would never attack them on the way to the lake, and hopefully, she wouldn't know at all Gwen wasn't her slave any more. This might be something we could use to our advantage.

* * *

While Merlin hurried off to talk to Arthur about what he'd "discoevered in one of Gaius' old books", I directed my steps towards Gwaine's chambers. I had rarely seen him since we'd come back and since I figured we'd all deal with Elyan's death differently, I had wanted to give him some space. But now I missed him; and I had a feeling he might be asked to accompany Merlin and Arthur on their quest, so I wanted to tell him as much as I could about it.

Reaching the knight's chamber, I raised my hand to knock, but then I heard he had a female "visitor". And a very loud one at that. I stopped short for a moment and felt my cheeks burning – then I lowered my hand, which was shaking, and turned around.

I definitely needed a drink.

* * *

I reached the tavern and entered, my eyes darting to our usual table like on cue, resulting in a hollow, unbelievably sad feeling. It was empty, and always would be, after Elyan wasn't there any more. Someone would always be missing. Nevertheless, for old times sake, I sat down there and ordered some ale.

I was half finished with it when the door opened and Leon entered, swiftly making his way over to me. Sliding into the seat opposite of me, he gave me an uneasy smile and otherwise kept silent. I emptied my beaker hastily and rose, but Leon grabbed hold of my arm: "Sit", he said, and then, "please."

I sat back down again and looked at him, confused at what was going on.

The knight took his time, sipping his own drink slowly, and several times I thought he finally wanted to say something, but then obviously thought otherwise.

Just when I was on the verge of leaving, he murmured: "I should've warned you."

"What?", I asked, mystified.

"I should've warned you. About the Queen's suspicions." He nervously took another big gulp of his ale while I stared at his face, which was full of regret and guilt, and then continued: "Not even for a second did I think you could be guilty. There was no reason why you should try to kill Arthur, and even if you had, there'd been a hundred more convenient ways to do it."

I nodded and, when he stayed silent, asked: "Then why did you come to get me after all?"

He hesitated a moment and then answered, without looking at me, "Orders, I guess. They are so easy to follow and when something goes wrong, you can always blame someone else." He snorted and gave me a bitter smile, "I told myself there was nothing I could do for you and so I did as I was asked."

"And after that? I mean, after Guine- after the Queen revealed me to be a woman?"

Leon sighed: "I doubted my own judgement. I had been sure you weren't responsible for the attack on the King, but then again, you had lied to us for two years and I hadn't had a clue. I thought, if you had been unfaithful about that, you could've lied about other things, too."

 _I have_ , I thought, my heart clenching at the thought, _I still am._

"After you had escaped I was furious. I tried to catch you for days, turned the whole city upside down, questioned the guards, even suspected someone of us had freed you – until I finally realised I was really angry at myself, because I hadn't helped you in the first place."

Neither one of us said something for a long time, both thinking about that day. Then, with a last swallow, Leon emptied his beaker and murmured: "Orders are one thing – but they should never come between friendship."

I reached over the table and took his hand in mine, giving it a squeeze to show him I understood and appreciated his honesty. We smiled at one another, and for a moment it felt like everything was all right again.

A little while of surprisingly comfortable silence later, I ordered another ale and while I waited for the barmaid to return, I asked, keeping my voice as steady as I could: "So... Who's Gwaine's newest conquest?"

"She's been rescued a few days ago from some bandits, actually."

"Bandits? What kind of bandits?" I felt my insides go cold.

"They raided small villages, plundered them, killed people, and took some of the women with them for their... private pleasures."

I held my empty beaker with so much force my knuckles turned white: "What happened to the women?"

"They were rescued about a week ago by a Camelot patrol. We'd been trying to get at the bandits for a long time; they were a real nuisance. Now those who weren't killed then are here in the dungeons. Arthur wants to deal with them personally. Eira, that's Gwaine's newest girl, is one of those women who are here to testify against – "

Something must've happened with my face, because Leon stopped short and stared at me with wide eyes, shifting around uneasily.

 _Eira_ , I thought disbelievingly, the information slowly sinking in. The feeling was pretty similar to the one I got whenever someone mentioned Mordred's name. I tried to recall the faces of the other women I had been held prisoner together with, but I was absolutely sure that Eira had not been one of them.

I would've noticed her. For sure.

"Excuse me", I said and rose so fast my chair tumbled over, gaining us the attention of all the people in the room, "I'm not feeling well."

I heard Leon call after me, but didn't stop. I started to run as soon as I was out of the tavern, back to the citadel, as fast as I could move my legs, not paying much attention to the people who managed to only barely avoid being knocked down by me.

Eira.

Morgana's other spy.

 _The game_ , I thought, _is on!_


	24. One Step Ahead

_**A/N:** This was so unbelievably hard to write! The end is approaching, and if there's one thing I really hate with all my heart, that would be endings. Only seven more chapters to go and so many things to do!_

 _Reviews are, as always, much appreciated. Sorry for not answering the last ones, by the way... I'll do better this time._

* * *

 **Chapter 23 – One Step Ahead**

Slowly, the door cracked open, just enough to allow a slender figure to enter the semi-dark chamber. The figure looked around, like he or she was trying to see where someone or something was hiding, then shrugged, and continued on.

The figure was, of course, Merlin, and because he was Merlin, he managed to stumble over one of Gaius' stools and, taking this item of furniturewith him, he went down with a loud noise. He stopped dead and, cocking his head to the side and obviously listening intently, he waited for a few moments. When he heard nothing, he got back up, stumbling as he did so, and then moved on, toward the door that led to his own room. Merlin sighed in relieve when he'd reached it and tried to open it – but the door wouldn't move. He was just about to try again when he heard someone move behind him: "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

The warlock turned round with a startled yell, and simultaneously to him shrieking like a girl, the fire in the fireplace burst into life.

"Merlin", I sighed tiredly, "what if anyone but me had seen that?"

The warlock shrugged and gave me one of his wide grins: "I'm sure I could come up with a reasonable expla- what happened?"

The warlock rushed over to the bed, beside which I was sitting on a stool and on which Gaius lay, a bandage around his head.

"He'll be all right", I reassured him, "he's sleeping now", but gave him some time to examine his mentor himself (rather more expertly than I had done). When he had finished, he poured himself some water and sat down by the bed, too. I knew he'd been in the tavern with Percival and Leon, though without Gwaine, who had other things to do apparently, and he looked like it, groggy and a bit drunk. While he emptied his beaker, becoming soberer every minute, I told him about a certain remnant that had survived the Purge and was currently lurking around somewhere in his room, looking for someone whose magic it could have for a snack.

When I explained how the Gean Canach took people's magic away, his face paled exceedingly **,** especially since if I hadn't returned from a run for Gaius sooner than expected, I could've been too late. He narrowly escaped being attacked by the slug, but only because I had found Gaius on the floor, unconscious, and had checked the warlock's room immediately, only to find the disgusting, blackish, slimy thing sliding towards me. I had shut the door as fast as I could, tended to Gaius, and then waited for Merlin to return.

"But", I finished, stifling a tired yawn, "this gives us a shot at Morgana."

"How?", Merlin asked incredulously.

"I have a plan", I said, and couldn't hold back an excited grin. The familiar feeling of doing a tale-changer's work was as delightful as it was unexpected, since I had so gotten used to not being on top of anything and always realising what was going on only when it was too late. But now, finally, I was one step ahead of everyone else, and I would not let that chance pass by unused. Not when Camlann was approaching – and it was approaching fast.

* * *

I found Gwaine in the armoury, whettinghis sword. Normally the familiar movement of his hands calmed me down, but now it made me even more nervous. I vaguely wondered why he was still awake at so late an hour, but I was mostly relieved I hadn't had to untangle him from the spy's arms.

I had tried to think of a way to tell Gwaine about Eira, but no matter how I tried it out in my head, trying to anticipate every possible way the conversation could go, I had no idea what he would say.

When I entered, he looked up at me, and then instantly back to his sword, obviously avertinghis eyes from me, which unnervedme as well, but there was no turning back now.

"Gwaine, I need to talk to you."

He nodded.

"It's about Eira." The knight raised his head and paused what he was doing, then stared impatiently at me when I hesitated.

"She's a spy for Morgana", I burst out, and then immediately regretted it, since his face lost all of its colour and became even whiter than Merlin's had on the prospect of loosing his magic.

"Are you sure?"

I opened my mouth, but he immediately raised a hand, a bitter smile on his face, "Don't answer that." He sighed and pushed an unruly strand of hair out of his face: "What do I need to tell her?"

"Merlin, you, and I are riding for the Valley of Fallen Kings. Tell her it's a favour for Merlin, and that you won't be long."

Gwaine nodded, his expression still pained.

"Look, I'm... really sorry about this", I murmured, earning an ungrateful look from the knight, who returned to whetting his sword rather forcefully.

"I really am, Gwaine", I added, and then left, because I felt like I had betrayed him somehow. His expression haunted me for the rest of the evening and most of the night.

* * *

In the morning, when Merlin and I were just getting ready for our departure to the famous Valley, pandemonium broke out in the courtyard.

"Go", I said and gave Merlin a thumbs-up, at which he frowned, before he hurried out of the room to go and find Arthur while I packed the last of the things we would need.

Shortly after the door to Gaius' chamber opened again, and Gwaine came in, his face ashen: "The garrison at Stowell has been attacked!"

I dropped the phial I had been holding and shattering on the floor, it spilled its blueish contents all over the place, smelling of a weird herbal mixture.

I tried to regain my breath. The attack on Stowell was how the war with Morgana started: She attacked when Merlin, or from her perspective, Emrys, was at his weakest. In answer to this attack, Arthur would ride to Camlann to stop his crazed sister, the ex-knight and their army. The sheer fact that I no matter what I did, Camlann was definitely happening, sent shivers down my spine.

"Have you given Eira the message?", I asked with my voice shaking.

Gwaine's shoulders tensed, but he nodded.

"We need to hurry."

* * *

"So you want me to leave Arthur when he will be needing me most?" Merlin, Gwaine and I were standing in the courtyard. While everywhere around us people were busy tending to wounded knights and townspeople who had escaped the attack on their city, the warlock and me had a heated discussion.

"I know I'm asking much, Merlin, but..."

He shook his head: "You don't. _He_ doesn't. He'll think I have betrayed him. I'm supposed to be at his side, always. Right now they are preparing for a meeting at the table, and I should be there for him!"

Gwaine shifted his weight uneasily when at the other end of the courtyard, Leon appeared and began to make his way over to us.

Meanwhile Merlin was glaring at me, his usually pale face flushed: "He will think I'm betraying him! He'll think me a coward!"

"Arthur knows you're not", Gwaine mumbled, while I tried my best not to grab Merlin's shoulders and shake him until he saw sense again: "If we don't go soon, we'll make her suspicious, and when she's suspicious, we won't be able to get her. Merlin, please! _Think_! We need to give Arthur his best chance, and this might be it!"

"I know you're right", Merlin finally managed, "but he won't understand it."

"We'll come back in time", I told him without really thinking about it.

"Can you promise me that?"

I felt tears well in my eyes when I shook my head and the warlock gave me a smile that almost tore my heart in two.

* * *

Leon had been side-tracked by some refugees on his way to us, but I knew he saw us leaving the courtyard with three of the fastest horses the stable could offer. I could almost feel his stare of disbelief following us until we were well out of sight.


	25. Only One Alternative

_**A/N:** I feel really bad about this, actually..._

* * *

 **Chapter 24 – Only one Alternative**

We didn't talk much on our way to the valley. Merlin was obviously thinking about Arthur and the Round Table, where about now they should reach the conclusion that they didn't want to wait till Morgana brought the fight to the Citadel itself. I tried to imagine the room without Gwaine at the table and Merlin standing behind Arthur and failed.

Gwaine, too, was unusually quiet. Maybe he was hoping I'd been wrong about Eira, but somehow I doubted that. More than once he looked back to me, and though I was good at reading his expressions, the current ones didn't tell me anything, except that something was not all right between us.

When we finally reached the cave in the valley, without having been intercepted by any bandits, I was relieved at first, but then the whole immensity of our endeavourhere came back to me. I unfastenedmy bag from the saddle and felt it was staring at me with unforgiving eyes. _This isn't a good idea_ , it seemed to tell me, _it's not going to work.._. I grabbed it tighter and decided not to listen.

"So... I'll be going then", Gwaine said indecisively and shifted around uneasily.

"Thank you for helping." I walked over to him and hugged him, sure that it looked as awkward as it felt.

"Look after yourself", I murmured and stepped back quickly without waiting for an answer.

Gwaine grasped Merlin's arm. The warlock gave him a sad smile: "You should get going, Arthur will need you by his side." Gwaine nodded, and then turned to me once more, offering his sword: "You might need this."

"Thanks."

"You know to use the sharp end, right?"

I snorted and for a moment it felt like everything was back to normal. But then Gwaine mounted his horse, grabbed the reins of the other two horses and was ready for leaving.

"Don't forget about the path", I remembered him and he nodded, looked hard at me for a moment and then turned around to head back for Camelot.

I stared after him with a strange feeling in my stomach.

"Are you sure you want to come with _me_?", Merlin asked sympathetically and laid a hand on my shoulder in strange resemblance to Gaius.

"You couldn't stop me if you tried", I answered earnestly. "This was my plan, and if it goes wrong I don't want you to face her alone. And if we succeed... she'll have two people to blame and might come after me first."

I took the bag and gestured to the cave entrance: "See you inside."

Merlin nodded and entered. I gave him a few minutes and then followed.

* * *

The entrance led to a small tunnel which became narrower with every metre. Soon I was crawling through the dark, fighting a slight feeling of claustrophobia. The good thing about the tight tunnel was that I couldn't loose my way. The bad thing was that I was wet through within a few minutes because somewhere around here must be water coming through.

After a few minutes crawl, I could see the light of Merlin's torch flickering ahead and heard voices. Morgana had come. She had taken the bait.

Slowly, deliberately, I pulled my bag closer and opened the buckles to take the small, wooden box out. My fingers were shaking badly when I took off the lid. The slug slowly slid out of it, moving down the tunnel with surprising speed, in the direction of the voices on sure instinct. I reminded myself that there had been only one alternative to this, and that included murder. There was no turning back now.

I followed the disgusting thing, trying not to breathe in too deeply, because its trail of slime was smelling awfully bad.

When it reached the mound of the tunnel, I yelled: "NOW!" and jumped out after it, my sword drawn.

As predicted, Morgana spun around in surprise. On seeing me, she appeared baffled for a moment, before a slow, evil smile spread on her face which did not reach her eyes: "Look at that! Its Handsome's little friend. Weren't you a knight last time I saw you?"

She moved over slowly, taking her time. I saw Merlin leaning against a wall in such an uncomfortable, unnatural position I was pretty sure her magic was holding him there. I looked around, carefully, so she didn't notice anything was amiss, and tried to find the slug, but I couldn't see it. Hopefully it was still close to the tunnel, so Morgana was between it and Merlin, and if not, Merlin's magic should be strong enough to get away from it if need be. Or so I hoped.

"Things didn't work out the way I planned."

"Looks like it", she mused, laughing now while she looked me up and down. "Well, at least you won't have to suffer much longer... Accompanying our precious Merlin over there wasn't a good idea after all. I have some pretty nice things planned for the two of you when I get back. You know", closer, ever closer, and still no sign of our brown, disgusting, slimyfriend, "we're _expecting_ Arthur to act very soon... I'm sure you know about it already. My dear brother is so easily predicted. And when all's said and done I'll come back for you and then - "

Suddenly something was on her face, her yell of surprise was muffled by the Gean Canach's body. Merlin slid down the wall, a look of horror on his face. I felt like the cave's temperature dropped by a few degrees, then got searing hot, then cold again, and all the way Morgana stumbled closer to me, tearing at the thing covering her face, screams of terror and anger barely audible. Then the slug fell down and she made only one more step before hunching over and dropping to the floor like all her strength had left her. It was the most terrible thing I had ever seen, and while I watched the woman on the floor shaking uncontrollably, screaming and crying at the same time, a lot of the hate for her I had so carefully kindled in the last years dissolved. Then I remembered Elyan's still face and knew this to be the right thing. It had been necessary.

* * *

Merlin was the first to move. He gestured toward the cave entrance: "We'll need that box, Will." I nodded, only to happy to be able to do something, and crawled back into the tunnel to retrieve box and lid.

When I came back, Merlin had taken off his jacket and laid it around Morgana's shoulders, which were still shaking. He was kneeling beside her and talked to her, in such a low tone that I didn't catch a word, while he looked around anxiously for the slug. I found it close to the tunnel entrance and managed to lockit back up into the box.

"We need to go", the warlock commanded.

Morgana stared at him in hate and disgust: "You will pay for this, Emrys", she said and though it was surely meant as a threat, it came out faltering and wavering.

Before I could say anything, Merlin just shrugged, grabbed Morgana's elbow and pulledher up:

"We'll see. Go on, Will, lead the way."


	26. A Privilege

**Chapter 25 – A Privilege**

We slowly made our way back to Camelot. Merlin wouldn't let me bind Morgana's hands, so he had to keep his eyes on her the whole time, but he didn't seem to mind.

Despite everything Morgana had done to him, despite everything she had planned, he still cared for her. I was surprised to see that, because I always thought he was just as illiberal against the sorceress as the knights and most inhabitants of Camelot were – well, maybe Arthur was an exception. He always tried to reason with Morgana, but she was his sister after all and though he hadn't known she was his by blood, he had always regarded her as someone important and close to him, and now she was the only family left he'd got, except for Gwen. I wondered if Merlin's gentleness with Morgana had something to do with her importance to Arthur.

Still, I was wary, and Morgana glaring at Merlin whenever she had the chance with eyes full of anger and hurt and something resembling regret wasn't helping with that. Now that Arthur and the knights were on their way to Camlann, I had flashes of all the things that were meant to happen – including, despite having Morgana captured, images of Gwaine dying.

* * *

On our way _to_ the cave we had had the good fortune not to run into bandits. On our way _back_ we weren't so lucky. To cut a long story short, we managed to escape without serious injuries and left behind a group of somewhat bloody (thanks to Gwaine's sword), bruised (Morgana wasn't as helpless without magic as I would have thought) and singed (Merlin had almost gotten us all killed by using fire as his weapon of choice) bandits and made it back to Camelot – but we lost a lot of time.

* * *

When we reached the city, the sun was already _rising_ again and the streets were unusually empty without the familiar red-caped men. The citadel was on limited guard by the older or wounded knights who couldn't accompany their King. If Mordred chose to take another road, they could take Camelot easily, but even without Morgana returning I doubted he would change his plan. After what happened to Kara, he was just as keen on revenge as Morgana was. Had been. Should be now. Whatever.

While we walked across the courtyard, I watched Morgana closely. Her face had paled even more than before, and I saw a huge variety of feelings in her eyes. I doubt someone could understand what she might have been thinking then.

 _Evil isn't born, it's made._ Where had I gotten that quote from? I couldn't remember.

We brought Morgana to the cells. Merlin did all the talking, his presence keeping the guards from doing harm to the now powerless woman. He told them we had taken Morgana prisoner on Arthur's order, and they nodded after a while and let us through. Being the manservant of the King apparently had its upsides.

We happened to cross Sir Morholt on our way to the dungeons, a very reliable, sensible, already elderly man who had been knighted at the same time as me, and Merlin decided to trust him to look out for Morgana so that no harm could come to her. Morholt was the only person he confided in about taking Morgana's power away, too.

Merlin wouldn't leave the dungeons before he made sure Morgana was as comfortable as she could be, bringing her food and drink and an extra blanket. When we left, I knew he left with an unsatisfied feeling, because that was the same one I had.

* * *

Merlin was already on his way to the main entrance again when I caught his arm and stopped him: "We can't, Merlin."

"What?"

"We need to rest first."

"There's no time for that, Will! They'll need us!"

I sighed: "I'm just as keen as you are to join up with Arthur and the others, believe me, but we will be no help when we're not able to hold a sword or think clearly. We will need a few hours of rest, you know this just as well as I do."

Merlin sighed and nodded. We hurried up the stairs to Gaius' chamber.

The moment my head touched the pillow, I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

* * *

"Where are you going, Merlin?"

I was confused when the warlock didn't turn for the stables, but headed straight for the exit of the courtyard instead.

"We'll never catch up to them in time when we make our way at the same speed as they do, and besides all the horses are gone. I have another idea, but we'll have to leave town first."

I followed him, jogging down the empty streets, with a very bad feeling about the whole _idea_ thing.

We left through one of the little exits in the outer wall for which Merlin had a key and made our way through the trees nearby as fast as possible.

When I heard Merlin take a deep breath and then roar out familiar words, I saw my bad vibe concerning his idea confirmed: " _O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!_ "

Mere minutes later we reached the clearing close to Camelot which I had seen so many times in the show, but never in reality, and it was far bigger than I imagined it.

A few minutes passed. Then there was a roaring of pines, the wind moaned and Kilgharrah simply was there, when before he had not.

* * *

I had seen so many things by now, but the appearance of the dragon took me by surprise nonetheless. He was gigantic. With every beat of his wings the trees bent and when he landed, the ground shook. When he breathed in, you could feel the air move and – a shiver went down my spine – there was a faint but distinctive heartbeat, much slower than average. I could actually _hear_ the dragon's heart beating.

My wonder turned into terror when the dragon lowered his big head and totally ignored Merlin by instead staring straight at me with his golden eyes. I couldn't help but look back at him, my own heart beating fast, trembling like a leaf in the wind. It was like he could see right through me and was entirely sure he had every right to do so: Everything I did, everything I was going to do, every thing that was _me_ was for him to see and, even more importantly, for him to judge. I felt myself cower beneath his glare, so intelligent, knowing, so...

When the dragon spoke, his voice was every bit as tremendousas I had imagined: "It's been a long time since I met one of your kind, tale-changer."

"You know about us?", I exclaimed in surprise, and then wasn't sure if I was allowed to speak. If Kligharrah wanted, he could crush me with a simple flick of his mighty claws.

But to my immense surprise, the dragon bowed his head with something I felt was a smile: "I know many things, and I have met people like you more often than you would imagine."

Now that I was really looking, I could see that the dragon was _old_. Ancient. And there was a certain sadness around him, something I had met with before: The dragon was going to die. Soon.

"Though you", he continued after a moment's thought, "are not like the others. You are different."

"Why?", Merlin asked, speaking for the first time. He looked back and forth between us, our haste momentarily forgotten.

"How long have you been here, changer?"

"Longer than I was supposed to", I admitted, "I have been here for more than three years now."

It felt like eternity, but compared to the dragon's age it was the mere blink of an eye.

The dragon nodded and there was a deep rumbling in his throat, like he was humming in thought.

"I see you have been warned before about the threat you are posing to this world." It wasn't an accusation, just an observation.

"I had hoped they were mistaken", I murmured and voices in my head were laughing: _Nothing!_ _Unrave_ _l_ _ling!_

"They were not, though they certainly didn't understand the meaning of what you do."

"I hoped it to be otherwise... – I can't leave now." My voice was quivering and I looked away from the great dragon's head hovering above me.

"And that is not what I'm asking. I know what it is you do, and it has been done before, and it will be done again. Not always is the outcome as we had hoped. Many times before danger hasn't been averted and our world still continued to exist. Even while we speak, the story is in flux because of your presence. There is danger in that, but there is also hope." He paused to take a deep breath before he continued: "But when you have done what you set out to do, you will have to leave. As long as you possess the power to change the story, to change even fate, you can't remain here or our world really will unravel."

I nodded slowly. I understood.

Merlin stepped forward: "Kilgharrah. I would not have summoned you if there was any other choice. I have one last favour to ask."

* * *

The flight on the dragon was one of the most unpleasant experiences in all my life. One of Kligharrah's wings wasn't working properly, and his flight was lopsided. I was in constant fear of falling or being thrown off, it was cold, and the ground was very, very, very far down below. Meanwhile Merlin was all amazement and excitement, like he had never done this before. While I was clinging on to the dragon-scale which looked most trustworthy, shivering in the ice-cold wind, Merlin was whooping in joy, despite the awkward heeling.

Then finally, after what seemed to have been hours, the dragon landed in another clearing and Merlin and I climbed down from his back.

I murmured my thanks, knowing that having been allowed to be carried by the dragon was a privilege, but I still felt like I should kneel down and kiss the ground simply for not moving beneath me.

The dragon's piercing gaze was again upon me, and so I stood with wobbly knees and looked back at him when he suddenly asked, sounding genuinely interested: "What is your name?"

I was so surprised I accidentally told him my birth-name: "Zoe."

Merlin looked at me with his eyes wide open.

This time the dragon smiled widely: "How fitting", he said in amusement, and then his face became solemn again: "I know it won't be easy for you to leave, but as I said: As long as you possess a tale-changer's power, you can't remain here." There was another awkward pause I didn't know what to make of, and then the dragon added, with his head bowed slightly, "Thank you."

I bowed, too, still trembling, not only because of the flight.

The golden eyes of the dragon shifted to Merlin, and his expression softened even more: "It has been a privilege to have known you, young warlock – the story we have been a part of will live long in the minds of men."

Merlin's eyes were full of tears as he nodded, but he said nothing.

We both stared after the dragon as he flew off, our minds full of an overwhelming feeling of loss and endings that were coming closer.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ _I was in need for a name_ _and_ _I_ _chose_ _Sir Morholt, who was one of the Knights of the Round Table in one of the classic Arthur-stories. He has never appeared in the series (and I think he should be dead by the time of Camlann, but well, as I said, I just needed a name... ^^)_

 _F_ _or all those who don't know – the_ _d_ _ragon-language is in fact ancient Greek:_ _B_ _oth Merlin and Kilgharra_ _h_ _know the meaning of our changer's name,_ _as Zoe is derived from the ancient Greek word_ **ζωή** , _meaning "life"_ _, also interpreted as "soul"._ _Philosophers like Sokrates or Platon_ _have their own interpretations of what "Zoe" should be like, these interpretations include not only to live, but live a good life and how_ _especially_ _destiny,_ _both_ _in_ _good and bad_ _form_ _s_ _,_ _is connected_ _to_ _life._ _Its all very interesting and also on Wikipedia, so I won't go into detail._

 _R_ _eviews appreciated!_


	27. Be it Life or Death

**Chapter 26 – Be it Life or Death...**

This time it was me who was the first to move. The dragon had brought us as close to the battlefield as he could, but we were still quite a long way off.

"Come on", I said, "we'll need to hurry now."

The warlock nodded, wiped his face with his sleeve and then began running. I knew that by moving this fast, we might be exhausted when we reached the others, but by now I was just as anxious to keep moving as Merlin was, and so I followed him at the same speed.

After a few minutes, the warlock's sensible side kicked in and he slowed down enough so that I was able to catch up with him. We continued our way like this: Running a few hundred metres, walking a few hundred metres, then running again. It was pretty obvious that without the rest I had forced us to take yesterday, we wouldn't have made it. Even so, the sun had long since gone down when we came close to Camlann. The battle must've well begun by now.

In the semi-darkness (the moon was full, but it's light only shone palely through the thick foliage above our heads) we both stumbled over roots and bushes and fallen branches time and time again, until finally Merlin not only stumbled, but fell. I hurried back to help him up again and then decided I needed a moment to catch my breath: "I'll just need a minute, Merlin", I panted and he nodded.

"Do you know where Arthur will be in the melee?", he asked while we were still crouching on the ground, both sweaty and panting.

"No, I don't."

"Then we'll better split up", he suggested, "so we can cover more ground."

I nodded, but gave him a wary look all the same: "What do you think you'll do?"

"I'll think of something", he said defensively and rose: "Come on."

* * *

Even from afar we could hear the clanging of sword on sword and men screaming and roaring, but before we could actually see any fighting, we happened to run into a stray band of black-clad Saxons. Before I could even get out my sword, Merlin had made an almost casual flick of his hand and the men flew aside like they were light as feathers. None of them got up again.

I had to suppress a shiver and reminded myself that if they had had the chance, they would have killed us without so much as a second thought. Or so I hoped.

We hurried on.

Now there were tents visible in the distance, the bannerof Camelot, blowing in the wind, on their tops.

This was where Gaius must be, and Gwen. And many wounded men, possibly one of my friends. Or all of them. Or maybe they were dead already because I had changed things.

Something must have been going on with my face, because after a look at me Merlin began: "Will, maybe..."

"That's _not_ what I came her for", I cut him off and willed my voice to sound steady and not like I really longed to go and help the physician, or protect the Queen, or go looking for my friends.

Merlin simply nodded.

A few more steps, and we could see the mess we were in. Bodies were scattered on the ground like broken dolls, dead people of both sides, but every one who was wearing a dragon on his chest could be someone I knew, a friend I lost. Every body of a Camelot knight was one man less to fight off the Saxons. Outnumbered 5 to 1 when the battle began – what were the odds by now?

An overwhelming fear of being too late began clutching my heart with cold fingers.

The fighting had moved from where it presumably began towards the tents and was raging hotly close by, near a sheer cliff which was rising there.

"Merlin – if you were Arthur, where would you go?" I continued on without waiting for an answer because I felt it was obvious: "He would go look for Mordred, wouldn't he? And Mordred will be where the battle is thickest."

Merlin nodded, though he looked troubled.

"What is it?", I asked.

The warlock shook his head: "I'm not sure. It's just a feeling I have. Something feels wrong."

A big shadow passed overhead. On first glance, I mistook her to be Kilgharrah, because her flight was lopsided, too, but she was far too small, and white, and, seemingly, angry.

"Aithusa!", Merlin called out in surprise. The dragon passed us and flew on to where the battle was raging thickest, presumably the place where Arthur was. A second before it actually happened I knew what was going on and closed my eyes in horror, so I only heard a roar and crackling I knew to be the dragon breathing fire.

"No!", Merlin yelled desperately, starting to run again, "no!"

 _Please let this not be where Arthur is_ , I pleaded silently, staring at where flames were burning high, and followed the warlock. While I was wholly concentrated on the thought how many people Aithusa's burst of fire might have hit and if Arthur was one of them, I stopped paying attention to my surroundings and it was by sheer luck that I saw something move in the corner of my eye and jumped to the left side, or otherwise a Saxon's sword would have hit me. I brought up my own blade to block his next hit, sidestepped again, parried another blow and then actually landed my own, finishingthe Saxon off.

When I turned round again, Merlin was out of sight.

* * *

Being alone on a battlefield is a horrible experience. Never before had I been in so big a battle. I had to look out for attackers from every side at the same time while constantly staying in motion.

I realised then that splitting up, as Merlin and my first plan had been, was a terrible idea, not resulting in us covering more ground but to endanger both of our lives even more. Only now there was nothing left I could do but keep moving and looking over my shoulder every few steps, heading for the cliffs which I could see in the distance but still seemed a long way off. I hoped to get stone against my back so I was at least protected from someone attacking from behind.

All the while I also kept looking up to the sky – but Aithusa had vanished. Hopefully this was Merlin's doing and no more people would be killed in such a horrible way.

Finally, I reached the cliff and, leaning against the cold stone, momentarily hidden in a niche, I took a deep breath, my knees trembling from the effort of running for such a long time and also because by now fear had kicked in and was fighting down the adrenaline which had formerly rushed in my veins.

While I tried to figure out what to do next, someone walked past me without noticing, someone who had dark hair, a boyish face, an evil smile of satisfaction on his lips and his sword drawn.

It was Mordred, and he looked like he had found who he was looking for.


	28. It Ends Here

**Chapter 27 - …it ends here**

It was Mordred, and he looked like he had found who he was looking for.

* * *

It would've been so easy back then. So easy to just rush out of the niche and thrust my sword into Mordred, to kill him just like that, without a final showdown, drama, and death. But something held me back. Be it that I had never before killed anyone in cold blood instead of in defence of my own life, be it, that I was tired, or stunned, or distracted, or that now that the end was so close I wanted to savour the moment – or maybe keep the end from happening at all.

To this day, I don't know what it was, but sadly, I hesitated, and that's a fact, and because of this, a life was lost.

* * *

When I finally emerged from the niche, Mordred was already twenty metres away from cliff and dangerously close to his target: Before him, on the ground, I saw a figure spread out motionless, just like so many other bodies I had seen that day already. But this broken doll was different, for it was King Arthur himself.

"Mordred!", I roared, anger boiling up inside of me, hot and searing, and desperate, for the King wasn't moving and might, for all that I knew, be dead already. But if he was, and I had again failed, the least thing I could do was to protect his body and keep the former knight at bay. I stopped caring about not being a killer and rushed onwards, my sword raised high. I was still yelling, unintelligible words by now, and finally, _finally_ , Mordred turned around, his face a mask of fury at being interrupted so close to his chosen arch-enemy.

Then I saw the Arthur-doll moving in the corner of my eye and new hope flooded in: He was alive.

I gave Mordred no chance to look around and see that the King was not dead.

We met half-way. Our swords crashing into one another produced a strange, ringing tone and I reminded myself that getting cut by this weapon would be a death-sentence.

Within a few moments it became obvious that I was no real match for Mordred. He was taller than I was, he had more weight and strength and considerably more energy left. He was also furious, giving him extra strength, and I kept waiting for his eyes to flash golden, adding magic to his overpowering fighting abilities. I lost more and more ground with every hit of his I narrowly managed to block. He was attacking me mercilessly, driving me backwards, without so much as a twitch on his face.

I wasn't fighting for Arthur any more, I was fighting for my own life, desperately holding on to what I knew I must give up soon enough. But not without proper goodbyes, not this time, _not again_ , I swore to myself, and made another step back.

A vicious smile of triumph spread over Mordred's face.

I slammed into the cliff's sheer stone wall to which Mordred had driven me and pain spread through my entire body. All the air was knocked out of me, and for a moment I only saw blackness, my head spinning. I doubled over and Mordred's blade collided with the wall above me and he staggered back a few steps, cursing loudly while already yanking up his sword again, ready to run me through with it this time.

I tried to raise my own sword, but found that my right arm was left numb from slamming into the cliff. There was nothing left I could do but wait for him to strike.

I pressed my eyes shut, clenching my teeth so as to not let out a scream. He wasn't worth that.

 _One would expect us to be the nameless soldier who saves a King's life, by mere accident seemingly. But it's not as simple as that. It never is. Sometimes it's the changer who needs saving, and though most times there's no one there to notice, every once in a while a changer has a little bit of luck._

When I heard the sound of metal meeting metal, accompanied by an unusual screeching I couldn't quite place, I opened my eyes wide and gasped, first in surprise, then in horror as I watched Arthur and Mordred face each other. It was like everything I had been working against now came to pass, and I was struck with how much I knew this to be wrong. I managed to get up to my feet, my arm still numb, but knew I couldn't step in between them any more as they circled each other in a deadly dance. They must have done this so many times before in training, but now, they were looking for an opening to kill.

I felt myself trembling violently, silently pleading for someone, anyone, to help.

"It doesn't have to be like this", Arthur said, his face carefully blank of any expression.

"Oh, it does", Mordred answered, "you brought this on yourself and gave me no choice!" - and with the last syllable he attacked.

It was over in a minute: Mordred slowly fell back, his face no longer a mask of anger and hate, but wearing the expression of a boy again, disappointed, startled, even hurt. Mordred fell – but Arthur remained standing, staring down at his former friend.

I couldn't suppress a sob of relief: It was finally over.

Camlann's prophecy had been averted. Arthur was still alive.

 _Alive._

Arthur swung around, his eyes narrowing: "Will, what – "

"Look out!", I screamed in terror and jumped forward, cannoning into him, in a desperate attempt to get Arthur out of the way. Wherever the Saxon had come from, determined to avenge his fallen leader, he was fast, and I saw him just in time.

Both Arthur and I fell to the ground heavily. Unsteadily, I tried to get up, the numbness in my right arm morphing into a searing pain – I knew the Saxon might already be upon us with his sword at the ready.


	29. Forged in a Dragon's breath

**Chapter 28 – Forged in a Dragon's Breath**

Then there was a blinding, white light, a blast, accompanied by a strange sound – much like a bell being struck, but somehow muffled – and I saw the Saxon being blown backwards with so much force I could hear bones shattering when he struck the ground.

Baffled, I stared at the obviously dead man, but then, like my eyes were drawn towards it, I looked to where the blast had come from. Out of the light, which was quickly fading, but still shining almost too bright to bear, a figure stepped, hurrying over to us: It was old-Merlin, using a staff for support, moving like an 80-year-old, but with eyes too alert for so ancient a man. Part of his beard was singed, and his red garment was burned away in places. Otherwise, he seemed to be okay. Apart from his worried expression, that is.

"Will! What happened? Where – Arthur!"

Merlin rushed past me and knelt down beside his King who had, as I now noticed, not moved since I had knocked him to the ground. Now worried myself, I turned around, too, and immediately saw that something might have gone wrong after all.

There was a deep, gaping hole in Arthur's chain mail and blood seeping out of a wound in his side. The King's face was pale and his breathing loud and laboured.

His wound matched the one he died from in the original story-line.

"No, no, _no_ ", I whispered soundlessly and managed to get back up while Merlin carefully examined his friend's wound, his face getting more worried every second.

I staggered over to where Mordred had fallen. I needed to know if Arthur had been wounded by him, or if he had been hit by someone else before he attacked Morgana's accomplice, though I was pretty sure that he had been unscathed before they fought, apart from having been knocked out before.

A thought hit me and I stumbled: If Arthur had been wounded while saving me, it would be my fault if he died...

I reached Mordred's body and knelt down beside it. His sword was wedged underneath him and I had to tore at the hilt with my weaker left arm repeatedly until it finally came loose. While I pulled it out from under the body, I held my breath, hoping for a miracle.

My hands were shaking badly when I surveyed it. A smile of disbelief tugged at my mouth: The blade was intact.

Letting the sword fall from my grip carelessly, I returned to Merlin and the King. While I had been busy looking for Mordred's sword, Merlin had changed back again into his normal, gangly, young self.

The warlock looked at me with an unreadable expression: "I can't heal him. I've tried."

"I know", I said, and his face got even paler than before because he apprehended I was about to tell him we had failed.

I reached over Arthur and took Merlin's cold hand in mine: "Something has changed", I told him in a soothing voice, "there's hope for Arthur, believe me. This is not what happened originally."

"Tell me what to do!", Merlin pleaded, and squeezed my hand.

"Mordred's sword has been forged in a dragon's breath."

"Aithusa."

"I'm afraid so. You know how deadly such a weapon can be: No one can survive its touch. But I know there's still time enough to save Arthur if you move quickly now and don't wait any longer than necessary."

"Where do I have to go?"

"The Sidhe possess the magic that is strong enough to help Arthur. In the midst of Avalon there is an ancient isle", I knew Gaius' words by heart, having thought about them so often in the last few days, "that is the source of their power. You must take him there."

Before I could say more, Arthur moved and opened his eyes slowly. His hand moved toward the wound, and Merlin caught it halfway and gave it a careful squeeze, smiling at his friend: "Arthur."

The King returned the smile wearily, then his gaze suddenly steadied on me, and his eyes went wide: "I hit you! I wasn't sure but – I did hit you!"

"What?", I asked incredulously, but even while I did so, I looked down and realized that my right sleeve was torn and dark with blood. While I'd dragged Arthur down to the ground with me, he must have cut me with his sword, or I had managed to fall onto it, or something like that – I hadn't noticed it until now because my arm had been numb after slamming into the cliff's wall. The thought of having been hurt had never occurred to me until then.

That was the moment when everything clicked into place.

"It's just a scratch", I assured Arthur and smiled at him widely. While I rose, I said: "I'll go and get some horses, Merlin." I saw knights moving around in the distance and added: "Maybe it would be a good idea to go somewhere else." I gave him a meaningful look. "I'll find you."

"Will –"

"I won't be long."

* * *

In the aftermath of a battle, many things can get lost very easily, and no one seemed to be in the least interested in someone leading two horses over the battlefield toward the nearby wood. Most of the knights were either helping wounded friends or retrieved bodies and brought them back to the tents.

There was an eerie silence hanging over Camlann, the only sound that occasionally broke it was the cawing of crows. The birds had come to feast.

I averted my eyes from the bodies and concentrated on appearing inconspicuous.

It was of the utmost importance for Arthur to start off for Avalon as soon as possible, and I didn't want to loose a second of his time.

* * *

Merlin had left a pretty obvious trail in the wood, and it wasn't hard finding them. I left the two horses when the under-brushes became too thick and continued on. Then I heard them talking and stopped abruptly:

" _Merlin."_

" _Don't move around too much."_

 _Arthur gasped in pain: "My side!"  
"I'm so sorry", Merlin said in a choking voice, "I thought I'd defied the prophecy. I thought we would be in time."_

" _What are you talking about?", Arthur asked, sounding weak and confused._

" _I defeated the Saxons. The dragon. And yet... and yet I knew it was Mordred that I must stop."_

I decided that I should wait until they were finished – this was a talk they needed to have time for. While I listened to Merlin confess being a warlock, I cried silent tears.

The pain in my arm steadily grew.

* * *

Things had changed.

Morgana was in Camelot, unaware that Mordred was dead, and she would not be able to intercept Arthur and Merlin on their way to Avalon. I had chosen two horses that I knew to be fast, sure-footed and reliable, and I had told Merlin where to go. I knew that we had a few more hours compared to the original story-line, and that Arthur might have more time anyway because there was no damn sword-point embedded in his chest.

There was still no guarantee that they would make it – but I knew now that Gwaine had been right. It wasn't me who changed anyone's destiny – I just gave them a chance, and I was sure Merlin and Arthur would use it.

* * *

Half an hour later they were on their way. Arthur had asked about Gwen, and wanted to be taken back to Camelot. Merlin explained there was no time, and I added that if he wanted to see his Queen again there was only this one way. I don't know why he chose to believe me and Merlin, but he did. I guess he was desperate and knew that we were right. Still, they weren't talking to each other when they took off, and Arthur kept staring at Merlin warily.

But I was pretty sure Merlin would make him see sense, and even if not, I had an ace up my sleeve to help the King along.

I watched them until they were out of sight and then turned back toward the battlefield and the tents. I had a Royal Seal and a message to convey to the Queen.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Only two more chapters to go now! And I'm really excited for the next one...!_


	30. Guinevere Pendragon

_**A/N:** I've put off writing this chapter because it is the last one I had to write. The thirtieth is finished, as is the epilogue (though partly only in my head as till now), though I will need a bit more time to make last-minute adjustments._

 _Still, procrastinating is nonsense, I think, and one day all stories have to come to an end._

* * *

 **Chapter 29 – Guinevere Pendragon**

I took a deep breath and entered the tent. The Queen had her back to me and noticed my presence only when I coughed. Even though it wasn't a very loud sound, she jumped.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, your Majesty", I said and made a bow (even though I do know how to curtsey there are habits you can't get rid off easily).

"I know its not my place to do so, but..."

"William", she said, silencing me. Guinevere cleared her throat, shifted around uneasily and then suggested: "Maybe we could go outside and talk there."

I nodded, mystified, and waited for her to leave first.

The morning air was warm, although stars were still twinkling overhead. I looked up at the sky, taking a deep breath, trying to memorise the way they blinked.

I knew some of the constellations, but Gaius had never come round to teach me all of their names, and now he never would.

"What happened to your arm?", the Queen asked.

I shrugged, winced, and answered: "It's nothing, really. I wasn't as careful as I should have been. I've been wondering – " Again she interrupted me.

"I am so terribly sorry for what I did to you", she blurted out.

I blinked in irritation, and the speech I had so carefully arranged slipped from my mind entirely while I tried to think of something to say.

As I kept silent, she continued on, obviously feeling some more explaining was needed: "If I had been in my right mind, I would never have done this. I would never have done any of the things I did..." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment before she continued: "Gaius has told me some of the things that happened to you."

I sighed and felt the ghost of a smile appear on my face – telling Gaius to keep things a secret certainly worked better for Merlin than it did for me. Then again, Guinevere sure was persuasive and, after all, the Queen.

"I don't think I can ever make it up to you, or any of the people I've hurt, really, but, for what it's worth: I am sorry."

I nodded, unsure what I was supposed to say about that. We walked on for a few more metres until the Queen stopped again: "Leon told me you were with Elyan when he died."

I nodded with a lump in my throat. Gwen grabbed my hand with tears in her eyes, asking anxiously: "Do you think he was in much pain?"

"I don't think so, no", I lied, shutting out the memory of how terribly afraid Elyan had looked when he had died, and saw relief light up the Queen's face.

"I thank you", she said, "if there is _anything_ I can do for you, just tell me."

"Actually", I answered and set down in the grass, trying not to admit to myself that I badly needed the rest, "there is something. I need you to listen to a story."

* * *

"I'm not sure I really understand all of what you've told me."

"It is rather complicated", I admitted, giving Guinevere a tired smile and ignored my spinning head as much as I could, "and this is a shortened account. Gaius can tell you everything in much more detail, if you want to." She opened her mouth to ask why, but I gave her no chance and continued: "The important thing is this: Whatever happens when Arthur and Merlin are back, Merlin is no threat to the Kingdom or either of you two. In fact, he has saved your lives more times than he or I or anyone could count. He has always done his best to keep you all save, and he will continue to do so to the day he dies. But Arthur will have difficulties to get used to the idea that not all magic is evil. Accepting his closest friend actually _is_ a sorcerer will be even harder."

"I understand now", Gwen said, "you think I can help them both."

"Just make sure you back the right side up."

"I will."

We were silent for a few minutes and watched the horizon brightening up. A new day was dawning. It was reassuring to imagine that whatever had happened last night, the world kept on turning.

For now, at least.

"There is something else I want you to think about."

"Go on?"

"I know Morgana has done terrible things to you and Arthur and so many people. I know she has changed a lot since you were friends, but... I believe there's still hope for her. She's not entirely bad" I thought of the way she treated Aithusa, and how important Mordred's friendship and loyalty had been for her, "and now that her magic is gone she will need protection. I know it's a lot to ask of you, and she won't make it easy, but I believe if anyone can help her, it is you."

She sighed deeply and then nodded hesitantly: "I will try."

"That's all I'm asking for."

I rose and made a step, staggered, and almost fell.

Things were progressing faster than I had expected. I would have to hurry.

Gwen rose abruptly, caught my arm and steadied me: "I'll bring you to Gaius'."

"No", I said, waited for the dizziness to pass and withdrew my arm from her grip, "not yet. I'll be there soon enough."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, as sure as anyone can be. I've been wondering..."

"Yes?"

"Nothing", I answered and shook my head fiercely in an attempt to clear it, "I've stolen away too much of your time already."

I pulled the Royal Seal out of my pocket and gave it to the Queen: "Arthur wanted you to have this. He wanted to know this in the right hands."

"He will come back, though, won't he?", she asked, her face pale and tired.

"He will. They both will. I'm sure of it."

She nodded, looking down upon the Seal.

"It has been an honour, Guinevere Pendragon", I said and the Queen looked up in surprise. "Thank you for believing me."

She smiled vaguely: "No one could make a story like this up."

"I suppose not", I said, turned around, and walked away. I needed to find Gwaine.


	31. Failing

_**A/N:** I rewrote this chapter again and again and again, but I always knew we'd inevitably end up here, ever since Will was in the dungeons with Gaius and Gwaine. This is quite an emotional one again, I'm afraid, and I have a feeling the person for whom it is written simply is myself, because this is what I needed 'the end' to feel like. Just wanted to sent some warning ahead, and again remind you of the epilogue still to come._

* * *

 **Chapter 30 – Failing**

When I woke up, I tried to open my eyes and failed.

I tried again and failed again. Then I found that I couldn't move any other part of my body, either. My breathing quickened, but nothing else happened. I could smell sweat, metal and, overwhelming above everything else, blood, so I figured I was still on the battlefield. Then I became aware of a burning pain in my right arm, shoulder and side that became worse as time moved on.

I dimly remembered how I left Guinevere and went off towards where the hidden path must be. It had been as good a guess as any to where Gwaine might be, and I had known I was running out of time. On my way there I had decided to sit down for a few minute s, and then – just blackness.

I only realised I had slipped back into unconsciousness when I woke up again, still completely paralysed, sweating despite feeling cold, strangely tired and weak, my left side hurting even worse than before. But now I could hear people moving around, calling out to one another, and the sound of hurried steps, coming from all directions. It was a long while until someone kneltdown beside me and checked if I was still alive, then this someone lifted me up carefully, but it hurt like hell nonetheless.

A lot of moving followed while I slipped in and out of unconsciousness again, then I heard the man carrying me calling out to someone: "I found Will! She's alive!" and I recognised Percival's voice.

* * *

Time had passed.

I was still unable to move and therefore blind, all I could do was listen intently when I was awake. There were other wounded people close by, and persons moving around, obviously tending to them. It smelled of blood and herbs, and when the wind got stronger, I could hear a rustling of fabric, so I figured I was in Gaius' big tent, which also explained why the pain in my left side had subsided: He had given me something for it.

The fabric rustled, and someone hurried in: "I only just heard! How is she?"

It was Gwaine, and I fought again for control over my body and tried with all my strength to prymy eyes open, but nothing happened. Meanwhile I felt a light pressure on my right hand being removed, and realised that someone had been holding my hand.

"When is she going to wake up again?", Gwaine added, now nearer, and I felt calloused fingers gently touching my right cheek.

The physician's voice was hoarse when he spoke, and he was just as close as Gwaine was, so I figured it must have been him who had sat beside me before: "She's not. She won't make it through the night."

"What?", Gwaine asked incredulously.

 _What?,_ I echoed silently, _but that can't be. Not so fast, not like this – I have a promise to keep!_

"But her wound was minor, Percival said! He knows what a fatal wound looks like. It's supposed to be a mere cut!", the knight protested in my stead.

"It is."

"Then why...?"

"I can't stop the wound from bleeding, no matter how much or what method I try", Gaius said, and his voice sounded unbelievably tired. "Also, infection has already begun to spread and she's burning up with fever. She's too weak to withstand it for long. This is not an ordinary wound, I'm afraid."

"That can't be right. Not now! We need her. We've found Mordred's body, the hills are crawling with fleeing Saxons, Arthur is still missing..."

Gaius sighed and I heard him sit back down again: "So is Merlin. I assume they'll be together."

There were a few heavy moments of silence.

"But she can't be dying", Gwaine murmured, and I felt him grab my hand fiercely.

"She will be missed", Gaius said, and he meant it. His voice was heavy with emotions. Then I heard someone from farther away call for his assistance, and steps moving away from where I lay.

The tent's fabric moved again and someone was brought in who was screaming wordlessly out of sheer pain.

I heard Gwaine move abruptly. He lifted me up and this time I felt almost nothing: "Not here", he said, and I heard tears and anger mix in his voice.

He left the tent with me and carried me for quite some time, until the sounds of the camp behind us died down. I could no longer smell blood and was unfathomably thankful Gwaine did this for me – he knew how much I hated to have to stay in confined places.

While he carried me, he didn't say a word, and his breathing was laboured, though I wasn't sure if that was because of my weight or because he was fighting down his emotions with all his might.

When he finally stopped, it had begun to drizzle. _Typical_.

"I think this is a good place", Gwaine said quietly and laid me down on the ground. "I'm not sure if you can hear me, Will", he carefully brushed away a strand of hair which had fallen over my face, like I had, such a long time ago, for him. "But I really, really hope you do. You'd like it here: It's just on the edge of the wood, a big, grassy stretch, with quite a view. Or so I think. It's a bit misty now... There's a stream close by, can you hear it?" His voice faltered.

I heard Gwaine moving and then felt his arm around me, lifting me up a bit, resting my chin on his chest. I could hear his heart beating, fast, but strong, and if I only could have, this would certainly have been the moment to start crying.

 _I'm so sorry for the mess, Gwaine,_ I thought, _and I really wish I had time to tell you... so many things. I was looking for you to say goodbye. I didn't mean to leave like this._

The pain in my shoulder was returning, burning, searing, getting worse with every passing moment, and despite the rain getting heavier, I felt hot and sweaty.

"I'm so sorry I broke my promise", Gwaine continued, his arm still around me, holding me in place and I tried to listen to his words and forget about the pain. "I promised you wouldn't have to do this alone."

 _But you wanted to help Leon and Percival. That's what you do. That's what I had done, if I had_ _had_ _any choice._

"I should never have left your side. I failed."

 _Oh Gods._ _Don't ever say that._

"They are save, by the way", he added absent-mindedly, unaware of how much his words had startled me. "Leon has been knocked unconscious, but he'll be all right. And Percival hasn't been harmed at all."

I felt relief flooding in, relief, and something else: Exhaustion.

"I just wonder if you ever found Arthur – did you two save him? Have you succeeded in taking away Morgana's magic? Where are Merlin and Arthur now?"

 _Gwen'll tell you. She knows._

The knight sighed and pulled me closer: "What are we supposed to do when it's all over? I'm sure you know, and if you didn't, you'd find something..."

I felt like my whole left side was on fire, but fought against the darkness coming in, a darkness which had nothing to do with having my eyes closed.

"You know, I had somehow hoped all this would end with you being able to stay in Camelot. You're my... friend, and I can't – I don't _want_ to loose you. I don't even know your real name...", the knight whispered, "I need you to fight, Will, you hear me?"

 _I don't think I have a choice about that any more._

All the while the buzzing in my ears got louder and Gwaine's voice seemed to fade away gradually. I had to really concentrate on his words, and understanding their meaning got harder with every moment that passed.

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time, but there never seemed to be the right moment, and it took me so long to realise it. And when I finally did you were gone, and after you came back, you needed to concentrate on saving Arthur. It meant so much to you, to us all, and I didn't dare distract you, so I tried..." He paused for a moment, then said pointedly **,** "tried to _distract_ myself – but now, there won't be another chance, so..."

I never heard what he'd wanted to tell me, and he never got to hear what I had been meaning to tell him.

Suddenly my ears popped, my breath caughtin my throat, my heart beat wildly, then _stopped_ , and then there were a few seconds of absolute darkness, a feeling of numbness, shock and regret, and I felt being ripped out of one universe and was mercilessly thrown into another.

It hurt when I came back together again.

It hurt even more when I realized that I had, again, lost everything.

* * *

 **Not quite the end yet.**


	32. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

I close the door to the Coffee Shop and take a deep gulp of fresh air. Whenever I leave the shop, I can't get enough of it.

Fran is already waiting for me under the street lamp which stands exactly between the Antiques Shop where she is working and the Coffee Shop where I'm working.

Starting on our way home, we talk about the days we've had until she asks: "So – you're going to the theater then?"

I shake my head: "Not sure yet. Ellie mentioned she wanted to go, so maybe I have to work her shift."

She gives me a curious look: "Well, I'll go. Wouldn't miss the series 6 premiere for anything in the world."

I force myself to laugh and hope she'll drop the topic. And she does, only to start on something else I'm not quite comfortable talking about: "Did you have any more of your weird dreams lately?"

"You sound just like Doctor Bergmann", I sigh, "though his questions usually aren't so straight forward. - Yes, a few."

"What did Bergmann say about them?"

"He believes they are memories of my past which I'm suppressing. He tells me this is a very common thing happening to patients with amnesia and I shouldn't worry about them too much."

"Wouldn't it be good if your memory came back? Maybe the dreams are a first sign that it is returning?"

"I'm pretty sure these aren't memories, Fran."

"Why not?"

"Because... Remember that guy I told you about?"

"The good looking one with the hair and the beard and the muscles?"

I raise an eyebrow at her: "I never said anything about muscles."

She laughs: "That's how you made me imagine him."

"You make me sound like a lovestruck girl! Anyway – I think... I believe – well, I'm pretty sure he's a knight."

"A knight? A proper one, you mean?"

"Yes." I feel my face getting hot: "He has a coat and a sword. Sometimes at least. And then there's this other guy, giving orders, and a servant, and..."

I see she's looking at me incredulously and make a face: "Forget about it. It's ridiculous."

There's a tense silence between us until she tries to laugh it off: "You sure you don't want to see the new season of Merlin? Sounds exactly like your kind of thing."

"No, I'm absolutely sure I will not", I say and sound harsher than I had intended.

"Look, I'm sorry", I murmur, "it's just... I get a queer feeling when you talk about that series. I don't know why, but ever since they announced they would continue it, I have a bad feeling. No, that's not it. I feel... sad. And lonely, maybe? Can't explain it, really."

I stop talking because I'm on the verge of tears for no apparent reason.

Fran and I walk on in silence until we reach the corner where our ways home part.

She embraces me and then gives me a serious look: "Maybe that's something you should discuss with your shrink" I wince at the word, "but maybe you just have bad memories connected to the series. I'm sure he's right: Try not to worry about it. It's just another stupid series."

I shrug, but smile at her thankfully: "Thanks, Fran. See you tomorrow?"

"You still have to ask?" She laughs and then calls over her shoulder: "Bye!"

* * *

I have to hurry to the bus station, my thoughts still buzzing with Fran's approach to my problems with this stupid TV-series.

Maybe she's right.

It's been months since I woke up in a hospital bed without any knowledge about myself whatsoever, and though the doctors told me not to push myself too hard, and my family patiently explained again and again what I was like, where I worked, where I lived, how I was a person who liked living in the city, mixing with people and going to parties, I feel like they don't know me at all. Even my name sounds wrong still, despite all this time passing and all the sessions I've spent with Doctor Bergmann, always looking accusingly at me over his thick glasses, fingering his odd necklace, pursing his lips at me when I refuse to tell him how I'm feeling and what that particular dream was about. He thinks I'm not 'cooperative', but a fact is that I'm feeling much safer when I talk to Fran, a friend I found _after_ all this happened and who only knew my "new" self, as my mum keeps calling it. Or kept calling it – we haven't talked much recently.

I turn my collar up against the cold wind and cross the street, still deep in thought. Looking up, I see another one of these big posters with the Merlin cast on them, saying "coming soon".

I've heard people talk excitedly about the upcoming premiere. The sixth season is supposed to have everything a proper show has to have after having been 'officially cancelled' for a year: The usual cast rejoining, a new villain to despise, lots of drama and heartbreak to endure, lots of unexpected tweaks, nice effects... – ever more reasons for affectionate fans (both new and old) to love it more with every episode.

As I heard only a few days ago, there's also talk of a new knight joining Camelot's ranks, a fact people are especially excited about since -

Suddenly I'm on the ground with my face up toward the sky. I can see a few stars, and the moon, but only for a moment before a cloud hides her bright light. A face appears in my vision, but it is strangely unfocused and blurry. Nothing is making sense. Why am I down here? A moment ago I was on the street, wasn't I?

Bits of frantic conversation reaches my ear:

" _She came out of nowhere, not looking where she was going... I tried to stop but – Oh god, she is dead, isn't she? Did I kill her?"_

 _"Someone call an ambulance!"_

" _Hold on, girl, hold on,_ _help is on the way, you hear me...?"_

A thought forces itself on me, and it's a very strange one, that much I do realise: _Here we go again, then..._

* * *

When I open my eyes again, I'm confused. I don't know where I am or how I got here. I remember... Well, I'm pretty sure I remember how I died. _Again._ I push the unbidden thought away. I learned that in one of Doctor Bergmann's sessions: "Sometimes you will have thoughts you don't know the source of. That's normal for people with amnesia. You can ignore them, and eventually, they will cease."

That's what he said, anyway.

I grope around in the dark, trying to find out where I am, but there's no indication whatsoever. I make a step forward, very slowly, my arms outstretched in case I hit a wall, but there's nothing. Another step. Nothing. Another step. Nothing. Another step. Noth – no. I do reach a wall. It feels uneven, cold and damp. I follow it along in the hope to find a light-switch, but instead I stumble over crude steps leading upwards. There's a gust of wind from behind. It's ice-cold.

Slowly, I go on, up the stairs, until I reach a wooden grate. It opens easily, and I continue upward.

Then I see light ahead, but it's strangely unsteady and has an unusual, yellowy-red tinge.

I also hear people talking. They have rough voices and seem to be only men.

When I'm able to see what lies ahead, I come to a dead stop – if I didn't know any better, I'd think I'm in a dungeon. Which is completely absurd. I was in the middle of a city, and nowhere near any building old enough to have a dungeon. I also have a feeling of... familiarity? Like I have been here before.

Which is utter nonsense. I've never even been to see any dungeon.

Maybe I'm having yet another creepy dream. At least this would explain the strange light: There are torches burning in holders on the wall.

While I keep staring, I hear steps coming closer and then a commanding voice calling out: "Who's there? Reveal yourself!"

When I keep quiet, there's the sound of a sword being unsheathed. I don't stop to remember why I know this sound and dash madly ahead, barely avoiding crashing into someone in my way. There's another staircase leading up which might be my way out of – whatever this strange place is. I'm halfway up the stairs when the door at the top opens.

I stop abruptly, my heart beating fast in my chest. I slide down the wall, shaking, and close my eyes, chanting: "This isn't real, I'm dreaming, this isn't real..."

When I feel someone touching my shoulder, I start screaming hysterically while keeping my eyes shut fast. _It'll go away in a minute. It'll go away. Not real._

I raise my fists in defence nonetheless.

An incredulous voice asks: "Will?!"

My heart misses a beat and though I have no idea why, I open my eyes, only to stare into the face of the man of my dreams (the one with the hair and the beard and the muscles), looking at me with unbelievably wide eyes. I stop screaming out of surprise and stare back at him in disbelief.

"How do you – I mean when – Why – _How_?"

His eyes are full of tears, I realize, and I'm sure he means no harm, even though I don't know him. When I say nothing, he takes a step back and repeats: "Will? Are you all right?"

"Where am I?", I ask, my voice barely audible. The man, who does indeed wear a red cloak and has a sword, looks to the second guy who has come upstairs after me, a giant who is apparently made of muscles only, who only shrugs, his face concerned.

The first man turns back to me: "Do you know who I am? Please tell me you know who I am."

"...Who are you?", I ask, catching myself biting my lip nervously.

He closes his eyes and exhales loudly, looking heartbroken. I feel like I should comfort him, though I can't explain why.

The second knight extends his hand toward me to help me up: "My name's Percival, and this is -

* * *

Gwaine enters the room.

"Is it - ?", I ask excitedly.

"Not yet. But it won't be long now, or so they told me."

He sits down beside me: "Aren't you finished yet?", he asks, grinning.

I shake my head: "Writing down one's story takes it's time, you know."

He smirks, and then suggests: "But you won't write down the whole year that passed since then, will you? It's been pretty quiet, don't you agree?"

I snort: "Of course. I'll even write every excruciatingly boring detail down when I think it's important – and as this is _my_ story, I'm the judge of what is and what isn't. Do it right or don't do it all, or so they say."

He looks at the page I am currently on and nods: "Well, you're definitely progressing fast. Last week we were..." His finger moves upward a few lines and stops where a thick drop of ink smears over the precious page: "Here."

"It's not so easy when you have to save the world every other day", I scold him, and he only laughs in answer.

"You like being a knight as much as I do", Gwaine states, playfully slapping my back as only men do (though I have yet to understand _why_ they do so).

"Do you need me for anything?", I ask when he doesn't get up again.

"Not really. I just missed you."

"You have seen me this morning. We ate breakfast together, have you already forgotten? It was only an hour ago or so."

His face becomes solemn while he takes my hand: "When you came back I swore to myself I would never leave you out of my sight again."

I squeeze his hand knowingly. He thought me gone forever for almost three months, and when I came back again, it was a shock, not only for him, but for everyone else as well. I had died, and according to the changer-rules I should never be able to return.

Gwaine said he'd watched my body disappear while he had been in mid-sentence.

I don't really know how I came back here or why, but I do know that nothing every could make me happier than to be here – even though it still is dangerous and bad things tend to happen around Camelot's court. But that's just how life works, I gather. It would be boring otherwise, wouldn't it?

Gwaine looks down at our clasped hands: "Remember when we accompanied Elyan and Gwen to their fathers grave?"

I close my eyes and concentrate, searching my mind for the memory. When the council took away my power for good, my memory went with it. I can't remember much any more, especially about the worlds I've been to before, but since I came back here, I've become pretty good at conjuring up memories I had thought lost forever, though it gives me a headache most of the time, and sometimes the memories are fuzzy or incomplete.

I know now that my shrink Doctor Bergmann was one of the council's members employed to keep me from remembering. My powers wouldn't have come back, but it would've been painful, and they didn't want that to happen.

Maybe in the end the council was kinder than I gave them credit for.

I even remember actually agreeing to these actions – apparently it wasn't as unusual for a changer to become rogue as I had imagined, and this was normal procedure.

"I think so", I say after a while in which Gwaine patiently waited, and open my eyes again. "You poured your water skin over me, I wrestled you to the ground in revenge and definitely won the match... and wasn't Percival laughing at us?"

He nods and grins, his eyes distant: "That was when I first realised it."

"What?", I say teasingly, though I think I know exactly what he's talking about.

"That was when I knew I had completely fallen for you."

Smirking and blushing, I untangle my hand from his and take my pen up again: "I have to go on, now, or I'll never finish it. Begone, foul spirit! Go ahead and do some training! You'll need it."

Gwaine laughs and winks at me roguishly, but remains sitting by my side, a steadfast distraction.

After only a few words I lay the pen down again: "When will you ever learn to do as you're told? You are _unbelievable_!"

His smile widens: "No, I'm in love. Not quite the same thing."

A warm feeling bubbles up inside me and my faked stern expression is replaced by a smile just as wide as his. Just as I'm about to kiss him, the door to our chamber bursts open and Merlin rushes in, his face flushed with excitement and happiness: "It's a girl! It's a girl!"

While the warlock dashes out of the room again, undoubtedly to tell all the world about the royal baby girl, Gwaine pulls me closer and whispers in my ear: "Look at that – princess got herself a Princess!"

 **The end.**

* * *

 _ **A/N:** If you feel there's a question left unanswered in this last chapter (which really was all about Gwaine and Zoe, so that's quite possible), please PM me and I'll give you an answer. It's all sorted out – somehow, because this chapter was supposed to go slightly different. I think it's better this way, though._

 _I really can't believe I've just written the last chapter... feels like yesterday I started – though my computer states it was the 17.03.2016 – which is quite a long while ago, coming to think of it..._

* * *

 _Thanks to all those who were with me from the beginning and followed along for the whole course of almost half a year. Thanks for your patience!_

 _Of course, this also goes the other way round – thanks to all those of you who binge-read parts or all of this story: I noticed, and I'm quite impressed, because by now it does take a lot of time reading all of it!_

 _You all made my work worthwhile._

 _Special thanks to my faithful reviewers – I couldn't have made it without your help and constant support! You can never, ever know how much your comments mean to me, every single one of them. Your interest and enthusiasm kept me going._

 _I'm sure there are other things I've been meaning to write in the last Author's note, but I don't really remember – I'm a little bit emotional right now._

 _One more thing, though: There's a certain song which influenced Gwaine's and Zoe's relationship considerably (actually this song is responsible for them happening at all...): It's called "Splendid" by Really Slow Motion, and for me, it is their personal hymn. You can listen to it on youtube, if you want to._

 _Thanks to you all...!_

 _So... This really is the end then._

 _I certainly enjoyed writing the last few paragraphs: I can totally imagine Zoe and Gwaine sitting on a bench at a table in their quarter, as close together as they can, just being happy in each other's presence..._


End file.
